Why Get Mad, it's Kinda Funny in it's Own Way
March 4, 2012 8:54am CST
So while my father in law is a big man child, my mother in law is even worse. She's done so much crap that I can't even get into it all, but she has complained that we should be taking care of her instead of having a baby. She lost her job several years ago and flat out refuses to get another one. So yeah, we don't help her. We won't help someone who won't help themselves. Well she called the line we have for her today (Yeah her own line since she can't be trusted with our actual numbers) and when my husband told her that he was busy making the baby a bottle and I was changing her diaper she insisted it was important and that he needed to speak with her. So he tells her ok, puts her on hold and then once the bottle is done, gets back on the phone with her. What was so important you might ask? She felt the need to call us and tell us what terrible parents she thought we were. We saw her briefly over Christmas, because she was whining about never seeing the baby. Except she never actually wanted to see the baby, she just wanted to badger us about giving her money. Well, my husband gets upset and they start to argue, because as his mother keeps saying, we're bad parents, how can we take care of the baby when we can't take care of her. Except it's not that we can't take care of her, it's that we won't. When he hangs up on her he goes "Can you believe that?!" And I just nodded, because yeah, I can believe that. I told him that she only did it to get a rise out of him and then attempt to make him establish contact with her so she can play the victim card with the rest of his relatives he doesn't speak too. I just laughed it off, really she's the last person who should be telling anyone they are bad parents. Especially after knowing what I do about how my husband was raised, by himself, not by his mother. So what would you? Would you want to confront a person like this? Who insults your parenting skills or your work ethic? Or would you just laugh it off, because their opinion doesn't matter to you?
4 Mar 12
It is easy to laugh it off and react like these things or what she said didn't really matter but I sense that you are hurting and insulted by what she had said oer things that weren't really a concern to her. as much alas she wants to get your attention by insulting, I think she's only making it worse, to the point that you will either cut tie with her and ignore her completely. I don't really know what your mother -in-law really is and what kind of person she is, but I think that I would be safe if you can confront her about this issue and what the other members of the family feel about it too. I don't think that you could survive and move on by deflecting all her attempts to be noticed. somebody has to tell her, even in harsh tones that what is doing is extremely selfish. She is by far, an adult and she should act like one. entertaining her attempts might give her the impression that she could get away with everything and everything is alright (even in reality, it's not). We can say that her opinion, really doesn't matter now but I don't think you can stretch your patience if she repeatedly does this to you. You might be able to handle it now but I don;t think that sweeping it under the rug will be the best course to terminate this behavior.
• United States
4 Mar 12
The funny thing is, we have told her, several times, that she's being selfish and she's supposed to be an adult. She doesn't care. In her world, she's the sun and everyone is supposed to revolve around her. We've been putting up with it for years, I don't see it changing anytime soon. I'm sorry, but you misread me, I am not hurt nor insulted by what she said. For that to be possible, I'd actually have to care about her, and her words. I don't. She's been a horrid excuse for a person for as long as I've known her which is going on 12 years, and I spent to much of that time caring. So I stopped caring, and I'm happier for it. So yes, I can laugh it off, because really, her opinion is nothing to me. This is not new behavior, she's been like this for years, it's not worth getting worked up over. My husband is finally starting to realize that too.
4 Mar 12
I'm sorry, I thought there was any chance of making your mother in-law see some reason. i guess, from what you described, all of the family already tried everything and still nothing has changed. I don't blame you for not caring, after putting up with that for 12 years. I guess that in a sense, you are more happier not to care rather than stress yourself out in trying to help a person who doesn't need the help and probably won't appreciate the help anyway. I met some people of that kind but thankfully, they weren't a permanent fixture in my life. It's hard to deal with these kind of people and eventually, you have to let them go and be on their own. It isn't worth it and perhaps, it's business and problem in the long run.
4 Mar 12
Personally, if you've spoken to her about it before and nothing has changed positively, then I would just let it go. It's not it worth it to you to keep arguing, fighting, stressing and trying to make amends or sort the situation out. She's obviously never going to change so just keep contact to a minimum and do what you have to do for your own child.
4 Mar 12
In-laws are a tricky situation you don't want them to hate you or make problems for you so we learn to cope with them. However, having said that yours sound like they have never been there for their kids and have played the sympathy card one to many times. I personally would not allow my in-laws to tell me that I am a bad parent, sounds like she should be committed to a home where she can reestablish what her roles are, maybe she had a bad upbringing and doesn't quite know her role in being an in-law. There must be something underlying that maybe even your husband isn't aware of because she's kept it so far inside that its never spoken about. Your married to her son now, this means he has a new family, not that the old family doesn't matter anymore but it's time for his mother to cut the strings and enjoy her life not badger her sons. Your a strong woman to put up with her attitude I would have definately lost my cool by now.
• United States
4 Mar 12
Thank you. She's been like this for years, I just stopped caring after a certain amount of them. It's not worth expending the energy to get worked up when she's only going to do it again, ya know? I honestly don't think there's an underlying issue, she's apparently always been a drama llama, even as a little kid. When she was married to my husbands father (Who is a big child in his own right) her in-laws treated her exceptionally well, and still inquire after her. She's just kind of a big pain in the butt that we feel obligated to deal with.