Is it love or just some hang-up?
By ats_gemelle
@ats_gemelle (23)
Philippines
March 18, 2012 8:58am CST
I have liked a guy for around 8 years already. Let's just call him "D" I have to admit that I've also liked other guys, but not as long as I've liked him. He was a classmate of mine back in elementary and we were good friends. But as the years went by, we grew apart due to lack of communication. We see each other in the corridors but it seems like we just end up looking at each other. Well, i tend to look away first because I feel embarrass staring at him. But every time I turn once again to see if he is still looking, we tend to look at each other again! It has been like that during the entire 4 years of high school. When graduation came, I decided to tell him how i really feel.But during the last minute, I changed my mind and ended up not telling him how I feel.
When i was already in college, I told myself that maybe it was not meant to be and that i have to move on with my life. So I tried to find other guys that perhaps could make me forget about him. But every time i admire a guy, there's this sort of voice inside my head telling me that that guy could never measure up to "D". Perhaps that's what's been stopping me from looking for other "fishes" in the big "ocean". There's a part of me that wants to move on and another part still hoping that i get to meet him one day and eventually tell him how I feel for him during the past years. I'm confused if this is love or some sort of obsession that i feel towards him.
7 responses
@flapiz (22403)
• United Kingdom
18 Mar 12
Hey there!
I think what you are experiencing is common in a woman's life. I have experienced this phenomenon myself. There is a saying that says that a girl will never forget her first great love. This is clearly seen in cases when a girl's new boyfriend kinda looks similar with the old one. It may look like obsession but it is not. It's just that when we fall in love, the person we love earns a space in our hearts and even when we grew apart, somehow that space remains. And every time someone comes along to enter that space sometimes they just don't fit perfectly as the original. But if that someone stays for quite a long time, then the heart may adjust.
So I suggest that when you meet someone, aside from comparing him to the other guy, look for a positive unique characteristic that he have. Look for the differences and try to see which things you love and which of those lovable characteristic is distinct to that person. Then you begin to love him as him.
@ats_gemelle (23)
• Philippines
18 Mar 12
thank you flapiz! yah, there will always be that tendency to compare other guys with him. It already happened to me and I feel bad about it because it is as if i'm projecting to other guys that i'm not a bit interested in them at all. so sad. :(
@flapiz (22403)
• United Kingdom
19 Mar 12
Well you will come around someday. Time will help you move on. Just keep your heart open for other possibilities. It's good to cherish the past but it's different when you live in it. Move forward sis. :)
@honest_efforts100 (1607)
• India
29 Jun 12
I would consider that love. Because as you said everytime you go out with other guys, you tend to think about him. The affection for him is really strong. I would strongly suggest getting it out because if you don"t, you will regret it later in life. If he is in a relationship, just tell him how you feel toward him and if he likes you, he"ll come to you.
@kristinemclopez (20)
•
18 Mar 12
hi there..hmm i know that it is too difficult for you to hide your feelings toward this guy, but i guess why don't you try letting this feelings of your be elaborate by expressing it.. bcoz there's nothing wrong with it..because first of all we're just human..and its our nature to love, hate or whatever.. if you stop yourself from expressing it your mind won't be at ease.. there is always a sense of regret by not doing it or letting it happen.. like your just letting this opportunity pass by .. but of course you know that it might be too risky for you to tell like what if he dumps you or he wont like you as much as you like him too or he would ignore you for the rest of his life but here's a thing changing is constant you'll never know what moves he will make when time goes by.. in the end part its up to him if he will court you or not.. at least you already express it to him and less expectation less hurt..
@sahlifame (32)
•
19 Mar 12
you should stop comparing other guys to that super 'D' of yours babe..and yeah..theres so many fishes in the big big wide ocean..why dont you just wait for that mr.right...and if he's really interested in you..why not before.?.stop thinking about him..let him think bout you..okay beauty...good luck for your next catch..
@shebacs (178)
• Philippines
19 Mar 12
I think its time you contact him. Its like he'll always be lurking in your mind while you try to date other people and you'll never be able to move on.
Also what if he felt or feels the same with you? What if he also likes you but was just too scared to tell you during that time. Maybe this time, it will be love. :)
@iamladydianne (37)
•
19 Mar 12
hello there.. WE HAVE EXACT EXPERIENCE..like really THE SAME EXPERIENCE..I liked a guy for 8 years( from highschool to college) and I can really say that I am TOTALLY OBSESSED and INLOVED with him.. But as years go by and as I met many " fishes in the ocean", I learned to MOVED ON.. Like I didn't notice that I am not thinking about him anymore and I don't visit or should I say STALK his FB profile anymore. and I am really very happy. and right now, we are good friends.. We have the same circle of friends. And I realize that its really BETTER to be JUST FRIENDS with him..
@berting600 (3453)
• Philippines
18 Mar 12
You just tend to feel your obsession with him still intact in your memories with him as your friend and classmate.This is just is happening to you you still love this guy
even if both of you did not commit to have a relationship.You call this still a puppy
love because he was you first love to be called and first is very difficult to forget
even how many guys are there to come and court you yet still you can compare them all for him.Now open your eyes and open yourself to other more eligible guys out there who are eager and willing to offer their love for you.Your opportunities to have a relationship with the guy is very slim that it might hurt you more when you know that he has a girlfriend or it might be his wife he was holding when you meet another time.So moke on to your life and open your heart to other guys.
