will you forgive someone who has not said the word "sorry" yet?
@kimmysay113087 (171)
Philippines
April 16, 2012 4:23am CST
I had been through the worst this past few months. My closest guy friend hurt me so badly. I blocked him on facebook and deleted his number. That does not mean though that I want him out of my life. It was just my way of forgetting what happened, my way of moving on. After 3 months of not talking and not having communication, he contacted me last Saturday and said that he wanted to talk to me. Thinking that I was okay and I had moved on, I agreed to meet up with him. I was also hoping that we would get back to being friends again because I admit, I missed him. He came over to my house. We did not really talk that much because I did the whole talking. He was just nodding and sometimes, no reaction at all. When the conversation ended, I expected him to apologize but he did not. He just hugged me and told me to forget everything. We spent the whole night laughing, teasing each other and eating. When he left, that's when I realized that I was not satisfied with our conversation. I felt that he really needed to apologize. Should I forgive him even if he hasn't said sorry yet? When he hugged me, was that his way of apologizing? I'm really confused right now. I want us to be friends again but I don't know if he was sincere with all the things he said and with how he treated me that night.
2 people like this
17 responses
@leizldelosreyes (141)
• Philippines
16 Apr 12
That's bad. I know how it feels. I guess he is not ready to pop out the exact words from his mouth. But I think the gesture of hugging you might be his means of apologizing for everything. Some guys can never compose the right words in a sort of a sticky situation like that. I must know! Been there. :) Though I understand that you also needed those words from him but just keep yourself open with the possibilities that might happen, and remember not to rush things if that's the case. There's a lot of time to mend the gap that was created between the two of you and it would help him a lot more if you'll help him reach out to you, I guess. :) Trust me, it works. And also, you can hope but never expect. That's the best way to keep yourself from further heartache. Hope this helps! ;)
1 person likes this
@kimmysay113087 (171)
• Philippines
16 Apr 12
How can you not expect when he is giving you millions of reasons to do so?! It's quite hard because honestly, what we have was more than friendship. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I really find it hard to move on and why I'm still confused.
@leizldelosreyes (141)
• Philippines
16 Apr 12
Yes, I know how it feels. It must have been very frustrating on your end. But think of the brighter side of things first, you know for some reasons that you have to take care of yourself and also your heart. ;)
@Cherish14 (2693)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
hi there,
if it was me, then maybe i i'll just drop it and move on but also i will try to not be too close to him and avoid him so that way he would feel that there is something. maybe in that way, he would be the one to make the effort. try not to do the talking.
@kimmysay113087 (171)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
Hey there. I think I like this idea. Thank you so much. I will try this tactic and hopefully, it will work. :)
Thank you for everyone that replied. There are a lot and I appreciate each and everyone of you for the advises and for taking time replying to my discussion. I could no longer respond to everyone because I am now at loss for words. :) God bless us all.
@Cherish14 (2693)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
you're very welcome. just don't show him to much attention and care. don't worry you'll be fine 
@kimmysay113087 (171)
• Philippines
27 Apr 12
Well, I guess he will no longer get in touch with me. But, if he does, I'm hoping I won't get affected anymore and I could just focus on saying "NO" to him.
@gaiza12 (4884)
• Philippines
16 Apr 12
Hate the sin, love the sinner or forget the sin, forgive the sinner. That's what I always share here. It's one of my motto that I wish all will be practicing so we can have a peaceful life. Anyway, yes, you should forgive him. It may have took him 3 months to actually get the courage to talk to you. He was being a man already to go to your house and ask for you to forget what has happened. The word sorry would have been appropriate but he hugged you which was even a great think he did. If you really want him to say the word sorry, tell him on your next meeting that for it to be all good, he has to say the word. If that is what will make your heart and mind really forget him, so go ask it from him. But really, don't let him suffer more, he's your friend..go forgive him already!
@kimmysay113087 (171)
• Philippines
16 Apr 12
I appreciate you replying to my post. I so agree but it's just hard. I'm so confused right now. I don't know what to do. I'm also unsure if he would contact me back. He may think that everything is fine so there's no need to get in touch again. I appreciated him going to our house and all that be I think he should have done it before when everything was still not good. Why does he have to come back when I was about to move on?! I think it's unfair because i have suffered so much. But, thank you for the reply. I will think about it.
@unique16 (1531)
• United States
16 Apr 12
Saying sorry to yourself for him who cannot maybe alternative. Remember we all sinners and maybe just maybe you hurt him too... he never told you because he was brought up to hold it in... to be the man. You both only know how good the friendship is... if it as good as said it was is it worth loosing that friendship over! Here another perspective if a girlfriend did what he did would you forgive her in heart beat and if yes, why? Should that be same for your guy friend? I amnot sure how old both of you are... but when you hit 30's or 40's it is harder to get friends and keep friends male or female! So I would say forgive him have your boundaries for a while until you feel more comfortable with him!
I hope this helps!
Thanks Unique16
@kimmysay113087 (171)
• Philippines
16 Apr 12
He's 25 and I'm 24. I guess we're too young and it's normal for us to feel this way. I have to think about it and hopefully he will get in touch with me again. Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate it a lot. :)
@kimmysay113087 (171)
• Philippines
16 Apr 12
We're maybe okay but I just don't understand why my heart is aching for more. Maybe because I expected too much. Hopefully we can meet up again and maybe, talk about it more. Thank you for this. Really appreciate it.
1 person likes this
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
17 Apr 12
I may be a grudge-holding idiot, but no. As long as I don't see clearly that the certain person has regretted the thing and said sorry, I'm not going to forgive if they hurt me.
In your case, though, I would tell him what bothers me-then you could find out whether he was sorry but did the apologizing part in an awkward (kind of manly :D) way, or he still thinks that you're just blowing up the problems and he doesn't see what's wrong. Telling what you really feel is always a key.
@kimmysay113087 (171)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
Yes, that's true. I told him what I really feel but he had no reaction at all. He was just nodding and he told me to just forget about it. I'm really hoping that we can still meet up again so I can tell him everything. Thank you for this. :)
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
well, i think the effort of contacting you and going to your house is a sign that he is sorry plus the fact that he hugged you. there are people who are not really comfortable saying the words but they show it through their actions. you could have asked him why during the time he's there. but the thing is you were happy just seeing him there and being with you.
if it seems that things are okay now, why not ask him why if you can?
@elisse27 (181)
• Philippines
16 Apr 12
sometimes after sometime of trying to forget someone would all be faded when they try to contact us and everything will fall apart. All things that you said you will not do after seeing him all erases everything especially when the feelings is very deep.
Do not say that you will try to forget him because that is still the hint that you are still in to him.
Just let it pass by and time will come that both of you will laugh things out.
You go girl :)
@kimmysay113087 (171)
• Philippines
16 Apr 12
You are so right. I had prepared everything prior to that. I even practiced the things that I was about to say. When he contacted me, everything just went back to normal. When we met up, my mind just went blank. Maybe because we haven't seen each other for a few months and I missed him a lot.. I missed his company. I told him just a bit of how hurt I was. Not exactly the one that I practiced.
Yes, I'm still into him. That is why I'm so confused right now. I know time will come that I will be okay again. Thank you for this. :)
@kimmysay113087 (171)
• Philippines
16 Apr 12
You're right. The reason why I was not satisfied with everything that night is because, I expected him to explain and talk a lot. I wanted to hear that he was really sorry for hurting me. But, he was just silent and I did the whole talking instead. It could also be that he was just ashamed for what he did that's why he was not able to explain it properly. Thank you for your response.
@kukueye (1759)
• Malaysia
17 Apr 12
Even people said sorry also i often don forgive them because they are not sincere and certain things saying sorry itself it too cheap and not to easy to let them go off.I may accept their apologive but they are not forgive and their bad deeds shall be remembered forever, sometime not much can be done but life continues and be wise don get hit again.
@solomonlaye (13)
• Nigeria
16 Apr 12
i believe that love is passionate and powerful.if he fails to say sorry,i want you to forgive him and forget what has happened.in every relationship,we can offend each other and there is true then we should be able to forgive when we offend one another
@kimmysay113087 (171)
• Philippines
16 Apr 12
The thing is,we are not a couple. I'm not even sure if he really feels the same way as I do. Everytime we're together though I could feel that there is something between us but he has not said a word yet so I could not really tell if I was right. Also, he already has a girlfriend. He cannot contact me when the girl is around. Maybe that's the reason why it took so long for him to talk to me.
@lexiexchan (6)
• United States
17 Apr 12
I do hope the relationship between you two gets better. I've seen a few situations like these happen... You know, sometimes the word 'sorry' doesn't mean anything, and yet sometimes, it means everything. I guess when he told you to forget everything, that was probably his way of saying sorry. It's good that you guys had a good time that night, because that shows that you guys should be friends.
@shekinahmia (233)
• Philippines
16 Apr 12
Sometimes, we need the word for us to pacify our feelings and confirm the situation. But looking at how he acted after 3 months, I think it says it all. He probably cannot say exactly the word 'sorry' but I know that he wants to apologize. As the saying goes, "Actions speak louder than words". I hope you two get back together as friends. Good luck!
@kimmysay113087 (171)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
I hope so too but I also want him to realize and admit his mistakes. I know it will take time. It really hurts when a friends betrays you. Thank you so much for this
shekinahmia. God bless you.
@superbadx (484)
• Malaysia
16 Apr 12
Honestly, i won't forgive people like that. But most of the time they would come back to me and maybe not apologize directly, but as guys we have our own type of saying sorry with even saying a word but by action. But if the person is so ignorant and don't want to say sorry i would never even bother to look for them.
@kimmysay113087 (171)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
There maybe guys who find it hard to say sorry to someone. Maybe I expected too much from him that's why I'm confused again. :) Thank you.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
16 Apr 12
I would think that him hugging you meant that he was saying he was sorry. It depends on how he acted and it also depends on if you told him that "you really hurt me when you said you eat like a ---" or whatever it was. Because maybe he thought he was being ridiculous and thought that you thought so as well, not considering the seriousness of that. So tell him how he hurt you. That will bring out the sorry.
@lifes97 (884)
• United Arab Emirates
16 Apr 12
hi there it i think will depend on the issue im mean if he or she maybe show you in a unique way that they are sorry and the issue it self is not big then maybe ye, why not if you knwo some one is sorry and issue is not that much so i think could be okay, and but if there is a big issue like inslt or cursing ro thinkgs slike that then i think real sorry should be in words becaues its not wrong to be sorry if you did a mistake and its a courage to be sorry so why not to say sorry if you mean it and if the issue is big and the peson you hurt individaul that you love so say sorry and finish it right
@zaskasahagun (346)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
well done is better than well said. so i guess for me, even if the person has not yet said the word sorry, i will still forgive him given that he does actions which really show that he/she is sorry for what he/she did to me. i would take those actions as implied sorry. id rather have those actions than the word sorry which is usually said as a meaningless word.
