When your heart and mind says, "ENOUGH"
@leizldelosreyes (141)
Philippines
April 16, 2012 9:11am CST
How should you deal when you are belittled and disrespected by a family member over the years? Should you take it as a challenge, forgive and be optimistic, should you need to talk it out a million times or should you just allow that person to treat you the same way even though you know you already proved your worth? That's a family member who's treating you that way, so how do you move forward?
I've had my fair share of mistakes and shortcomings against my family. And I know all too well that it was indeed difficult for me to win their trust back. Yet I learned everything the hard way and accepted every little mistake that I did. I decided to move on and started from scratch just to mend things and clean up the mess to give myself a happy heart. Yet after all of that and the hard-work, I still get the same cold treatment again and again. And I feel so disrespected by that person for some reasons I just could not understand regardless of whatever situation. They said you need to adjust with the person and the personality and apply patience since it's a family member, but I guess that person should also adjust with you and your feelings too.
So I thought maybe I should just give it time and space and stop being too hard on myself. I've had enough and I'm just too disappointed to give myself another chance with it and I won't definitely be forcing myself again. I believe that I don't deserve that kind of treatment. Everyone has the right to be respected in their own way, I just don't think I was given the fair respect that I should get.
2 people like this
8 responses
@CzarinaM19 (115)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
I know the feeling of being belittled and disrespected by a family over years, I would say all my life. This experience has made me strong. I've tried to talk about it a million times, I've allowed that person to mistreat/abuse me and I've done everything to earn respect or to fight back as the last resort. However nothing was ever achieved. I realized that I've done everything I can to fix this and it is time to move forward. The trick however is "how to move forward". I've been at this for years and I'm still learning now. Everything good you do about yourself gets you closer to moving forward. Every good decision counts. I've learned to love myself more, that there is no need to work too hard on earning another person's love when the other refuses to give it back despite of the efforts. I've learned that if a person hurts you that much, they should ask forgiveness and that forgiveness needs to be earned. I have not closed my doors on forgiving that certain person, I'm simply giving my love and attention to those deserving. Everybody holds a grudge, I myself have held on it for years, and I'm not proud of it. It lingers still. I'm only human after all. However I am very much able to listen, if the person does ask for forgiveness and will be able to forgive. What I'm trying to say is, there is so much love to give, why not give it to people who deserve it more, like yourself. What matters is, when that time comes, be ready to listen.
@leizldelosreyes (141)
• Philippines
18 Apr 12
Thank you so much for the advice, I really appreciate the statement you made. I feel like I am this way too. I have been holding on a grudge and it's not helping me at all. Before, I could say that I was the black sheep of the family. But now I know that I have changed, so far I believe that I have already learned to love myself and that I have already forgiven myself and for everything unimaginable. I guess it takes time and patience to sink in the thought that the person already moved mountains just to do this. But then again, I should believe in the saying that goes, "Time heals". I know I need to keep an optimistic mind to achieve what is must, and I know too much pride would definitely not work at all. It would only destroy relationships. This is guess what I need to keep, and open mind and heart. :)
@apoljuice1 (730)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
I know what you mean. i have been with family that does that a lot. But sometimes, I can't help thinking that they're family, that I've grown up with them. I think you can only rant about what your family has done to you. But you will never be able to get over the fact that you have seen this a long, long time ago that you should be an expert in handling their quirks by now.
@leizldelosreyes (141)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
Thanks, yeah I was hoping before that it would change and that in time it will just stop. But then again, it did not. And it became even more worse even for the fact that I cleaned up my mess and I was able to prove something good already out of myself. I guess I should just give it a lot more space and time, perhaps that person will realize something someday. Or if not, it's alright. I still have a lot more things to be thankful for and I can just move on and enjoy with life. There's no point in dwelling on a situation like this which is pathetic. I guess I should just stop forcing myself.
@gaiza12 (4884)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
I would really feel really bad if I were disrespected and belittled by my family. I would also do the same thing as you did if it were to happen to me. I would also gain their trust and show to them I can change a be a better person once again. You just have to longer your patience and strengthen your will to survive with all those challenges. Let time heal all the wounds that were caused by your mistakes. They're your family after all, they will surely forgive you for what has happened before no matter what it is.
@leizldelosreyes (141)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
Thank you for that. Yes, you're right. I should just give it time and space. For now, I'm just way too disappointed to talk about it and settle things. And I've had enough of it already. I still think I deserve even a bit of respect from that person, but I guess that's not the case. It's alright, I still have a lot of things to be thankful for and I could just move on and enjoy my life. There's no point in forcing myself anyways, perhaps people will realize it in time. Or if not, it's alright. I still have my life to live to.
@mohkanari (1957)
• India
17 Apr 12
I think a particular family member is bringing all these annoyances to you. Try to involve with other family members and bring more impressive stand among them. Harsh treatments from family members are very painful. One should have scope for sufficient earnings to take decisions of stringent actions against such harsh family members.
@leizldelosreyes (141)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
Yes, I do agree with you and thank you for that. To avoid too much conflict, I guess I should just give it a lot more space and time. That person thinks there's nothing wrong and not a single mistake is done which is unacceptable for me. Perhaps that person will realize something someday. If not, then it's okay. I could still move on and enjoy my life. There's a lot of things I should be thankful for and draining my thoughts on that person will only bring me down which I won't allow.
@Extourmed (191)
• Bulgaria
16 Apr 12
I know how you feel. I was disrespected by my father till I turned 16. He was treating me like a garbage. I even cried when I heart what he was talking for me behind my back. I was feeling awful. He had a troubles with my mom and they were at the middle of a divorce and the things at my family wasn't shining. I told my mom to divorce him, but she didn't listen. Anyway they figured out their relationship and got back together. I realized that he hit her once, and then I was 16 and I told him that if he do that again, I wont stand like this. Half a year later, our family stabilized and now, I'm in a great relationship with my father so as my mother and we are totally normal family. I hope that happened to your family too and the person who's disrespectful to you changes and starts respecting you like my father. Wish you all the best. Hope my respond was helpful.
@leizldelosreyes (141)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
Thanks for your response. I really do appreciate it. For now, I'm just to disappointed to settle things yet. That person thinks that there's nothing wrong and definitely won't admit to a mistake. I guess I'll just give it more space and more time. Perhaps, that person will realize something someday. Or if not, then it's okay. I can just move on, enjoy my life and forget about it. I should know that I still have a lot of things to be thankful for.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
16 Apr 12
It must be realy hard for you. I think, if I were in your shoes, I'd try to speak with those relatives of yours and tell them how much I suffer from their treatment. I usually do that-but sometimes I'm just exploding, because in my family, even this doesn't help. Explosion usually does it...
@leizldelosreyes (141)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
Thank you for that. For now, I guess I'll just give it time and space. I'm just too disappointed to settle it yet. And I don't think that person will admit to a mistake either. It will just create a bigger problem which I am trying to avoid since that person is a family member. Maybe giving it a lot more time and space will perhaps make the person realize something. Or if not, then it's okay. I have a lot more things in my life to enjoy and be thankful for. I won't allow that person to let me down this time.
@dazzledlady (1618)
• Philippines
16 Apr 12
Tough on you. Well when it comes to family members it would really be hard to decide whether to say that it is enough or let them continue to treat you that way to avoid more conflict. I believe you know your family best and therefore I know that within you, you know what to do with the situation at hand. It is tough to burn your bridges especially if its a family member because as they say blood is thicker than water and you must stick together. But also because of that strong connection, once you have broken their trust it is very hard to win them back because they will be the one who will be hurt the most with every mistakes you make. You are right to be not too hard on yourself, if you did your best to do your part now then let time do its job. It may take many years or never to gain their acceptance and forgiveness once more but you will not live in regret knowing you have given your best effort to fix things. With a good heart comes a good life. It is easier to live with no regrets and no grudges.
@leizldelosreyes (141)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
Thanks for your response. Yes, I do agree with you. There's no use for me to have grudges on how I was treated. I'll just give it enough time and space. Perhaps that person will realize something someday. I'll move on with no regrets and no grudges as what you said. :)
@Teep11 (7674)
• United States
16 Apr 12
You let your family member know that you do not appreciate what they are doing to you. If they decide to continue than remove yourself from their company. Don't allow yourself to get depressed or bitter that can bring all kinds of health problems. Pray for them because it surly sounds like they need it. Don't dwell on what they are saying this maybe what they want. Don't stoop to their level and enjoy your life. http://www.triond.com/rw/465173
@leizldelosreyes (141)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
Thanks for your response. Yes, indeed you are right. There's more to enjoy about life than that. I guess I'll just give it time and space coz I think maybe that will do something good out of my disappointments. Perhaps people will realize something later on I guess.
