How to live happily ever after in marriage
By betterdays
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
Philippines
April 24, 2012 11:49pm CST
I think many people who had a very memorable marriage ceremony sadly ended up in an unhappy relationship with their partner and some even ended up in divorce and separation. Wouldn't it be great if all couples who get married who really 'live happily ever after?' So for those of you who are married and find that your marriage is working well, you can share you secrets and tips here, and for those who are single like me who have good ideas or at least some 'theories' on how a good relationship should be, you could share your insights in theories here. Who knows, maybe someone has the definite key in how to make a relationship work and all of us in this discussion at least would benefit from it :)
8 responses
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
25 Apr 12
I think we must always forgive and talk, be sincere, show what bothers us. I feel so bad when there are girls here in MyLot that comes for advice of how to deal with cause the boyfriend is calling them ugly, that they gained weight or something, in that case I think the answer is so obvious: don't be with the guy. Cheating too.
Now all the other problems (that it's not a guy trying to break the woman down or cheating on the girl or the opposite: woman trying to dominate and pointing at every flaw the guy have for example) then we must forgive.
As a couple we end up hurting the other without realising, but if we keep the illusion that there's some fairy tale then no guy will ever be good enough, no girl will become that godess he made up. We are all humans so I guess why I'm feeling my relationship is always new it's because I try to begin another day as if it was.
When I'm mad at him I try to not think about it in the moment, I wait to cool down and then I put in balance, that he pissed or hurt me for being distracted or whatever but that the other day he took so good care of me, cooking and letting me just rest at weekend, and the thousand good things he does to some annoying in a moment of distraction, like I don't do either right?
I think we only need real love. When we love we can't leave, they won't leave. Then it is about forgiving. There's no happily ever after, there are big and small moments of happiness but mostly is adjustment and learning. He makes me a better person, I made him better. Without the problems I don't think a couple can grow.
We expect so much from the other, we grow up with a illusion that that's the reason why many marry the wrong person: they marry because they are reaching 30, they marry because they are together for too long, no. We must listen to our hearts always, but when we do decide to be with this person, now we have to dive, it's all or nothing, so forgive, forgive, forgive, and talk, talk, and talk.
Most important is we must always be friends. Maybe a good marriage is a friendship...
...with benefits! 
1 person likes this
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
26 Apr 12
It's good you pointed out that oftentimes a partner often have high expectations with his or her partner, and when they feel the partner lets them down by next meeting those expectations, their love and respect is diminished greatly. So it's clear that it's important to know that we are all humans and that all humans have their imperfections. So if we have this attitude towards our partner, it is so easy to forgive and let go whenever we discover their weaknesses and faults.
You mentioned another factor which can be hurtful which is saying bad or mean things to the other partner. These words may be spoken as a joke oftentimes, but we don't realize how hurtful it can be to our partner. It's against the principle of 'building up each other' which is also important in feeling good in each other's company.
I liked what you said that marrying because of real love and desire for our partner should be the main reason of marrying, and nothing more. Many people marry for wrong reasons like to marry someone because we're getting too old and we might be considered as old maids or unattractive men if we don't get married soon. Some other wrong reasons for marrying that I can think of right now are marrying for convenience, for political agenda or other types of agendas, to be considered normal, because we had a physical relationship of the other person and she got pregnant, we are forced to by our parents or simply because we think it's fun.
That last part you mentioned I think is also very important...the part of friendship or being good friends with our partner. If a couple before marriage developed good friendship and continues to be good friends after marriage, I don't see any possibility that they cannot get along well with each other.
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
28 Apr 12
Wow, thanks MyLotter friend, isn't nice to answer to your discussion, being nice is a rare thing.
Yes, they are not even to blame. I think we must date a little before getting serious, like wait until we feel self confident enough because if we can't give love to ourselves (I felt I didn't give enough love or was self confident, I was struggling until 26) it's a sure thing we won't be threating the most constant company well: the husband/wife.
I read this article about a 27 year old woman who got married, she always knew he was the wrong guy, her motives weren't ugly: it wasn't money or lust but she heard the bells of having to have a kid ringing. I felt sorry for her tale as she described how she was scared, she went anyway. The psychologist that continued the article after her said many women or even men don't call off the marriage because they also become very embarassed. Well yes, to tell your relatives and all that you made a mistake, call it all off, maybe you spent some money already getting ready...but a divorce is even worst.
Other reason is that there are women who have the illusion they will change. No men and no women even: can change. Only if we want. But we can't change for others.
Yes, the forgiveness, I always try that because sometimes there are some hurt in this or that happening. I try to think in how not perfect and how many mistakes I did and how even though I wouldn't commit the same mistake as him I done the wrong many times before, different mistakes, but anyways a bad word and people might not even forgive. I am sure he is the guy so I know that we must go to the dream world forgiving the person cause can you imagine being angry at someone for 20, 50 years? lol
I realize you make many interesting discussions, cool! 
@befrindwithme26 (5805)
• Philippines
26 Apr 12
That's true,a lot of couples got divorce because they do not have happy marriage.
It maybe enjoyable wedding at first but later on they break up,divorce.It's very troubled and kids affected.What i think is that they are hurrying,not know well each other,no understanding,and the cause of it is break and destroy all family..
My tips is that first know the partner first,maybe 3 mores years knowing each other without any doing secret something,and must both fearing God because if they fear God,the love of God will guide their marriage ,and then later propose married.
1 person likes this
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
26 Apr 12
It's good you pointed this out, because I believe there are a lot of married couples who had known each other for very short time until they got married, and I believe this gives a weak foundation to their marriage because they hardly know each other. 3 Years as you suggested is a very good time frame to know each other's good and bad points, and then to decide if they can bear the partner's bad points and enjoy their good ones. So having also a good plan before getting married is important as well.
Fear of God as you mentioned is very important, because if one partner doesn't have it, it would be easy for that person to disobey certain religious commands, like having an affair or adultery which is probably one of the biggest factors in the damaging of a marriage relationship.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
25 Apr 12
no tips or tricks. i have been married almost 25 years. we got married just after i turned 26 (he was 25) and are still married! marriage takes commitment, work, kindness and compassion. too many people think of themselves and put themselves first before anyone else which is why a lot of marriages don't work out.
1 person likes this
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
26 Apr 12
Kindness,compassion and selflessness...yes, I agree to that! Another reason for disagreements I think is selfishness. When one of the couple always wanted to have his or her way without considering the needs and wants of the other...this leads to coldness of feelings for that partner, I guess. And of course, we all love kind people and if both partners are kind to each other, then their love is both natural and effortless. Nice point!
@unique16 (1531)
• United States
26 Apr 12
hello,
This is my thoughts on good marriage. Talking and being friends, really good friends before you are even married. They have to see your bad traits and you see there and how they handle cetain situations are they kind, passionate, rushy, selfish, could careless. if it is the first 2 then you are on way to good marrage. Marriage is about forgivness and letting go of the hurts and wrong doings and not becoming bitter about it. We all have good points and bad points. you will ruffle feathers and so will he it what you do with all the emotions as the situation occurs tell tal esign whether it will be a good marriage. There has to be Love,compassion and values and combatalties to help relationship work. Sometimes you may have to bend a lot more than the other person but not totally give in. you needs lots and lots of forgiveness in marraige to make it work!
Thanks Unique16
1 person likes this
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
26 Apr 12
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, unique16! A lot of what you said reinforces many of the keys already discussed like developing friendship, being kind and not being selfish. You have pointed out some new factors too like the importance of showing to your partner good character which will let the partner respect you more, and respect I think has not been discussed yet by anyone. Having respect for your partner seems like another important factor, because if you respect each other there is a sense of pride in our choices of mate and we feel so blessed and happy for having chosen a good partner. Anyway, after learning that our partner isn't perfect, then we can always make use of the other key which is forgiveness and understanding that our partner is only human. You also mentioned a couple needs lots and lots of forgiveness for the marriage to work, so I think what is needed then is 'persistence'...another good factor in the puzzle. :D
@afffaceri (9)
• Romania
25 Apr 12
A good relationship should be like this : Talking , having fun , traveling , making love , do anything togheter and try to find new subjects to talk .
1 person likes this
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
26 Apr 12
Having fun together...yes, I think it falls under compatibility. I guess compatibility is also a big factor in making a relationship work, but I also guess there are relationships between couples who aren't compatible in many things still finds that their marriage works well for them for other reasons like having a good relationship, having the same faith and religion and worshiping together, always meeting halfway when there's disagreement...and another important point that you also mentioned...having a wonderful love making (note: I can't write the "s" word here because mylot doesn't allow it ) :D
@amyaeric (80)
• United States
25 Apr 12
I can't really offer much advice in this area as I am actually getting divorced. We were one of those opposites attract stories but after 7 years the huge difference in interest started to wear on us. However my mom gave me some advice that I know I will be using for when I decide to start looking again. She told me that if you can live with the things you don't like about someone then you can work things through, if you can't live with the things that you don't like about someone it's probably not going to work out. Not saying it's a gauranteed way to decide on if you should stay with someone or not, just something to think about:)
1 person likes this
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
25 Apr 12
I'm really sorry to hear about that, amyaeric. I hope you recover from it as quickly as possible. Anyway, what you advice really makes a lot of sense. I believe all people have their weaknesses, and if we can love our partner even with those weakness, then the marriage would most probably work out...and the opposite is true. So having a lasting marriage may mean finding the person who is closest to your ideal, and also someone whom you can love no matter what the partner's faults are...and the other way around.
@honest_efforts100 (1607)
• India
6 Oct 12
Marriage can and should be all about living ‘happily ever after’ together. That is not to say that you are going to be able to live your entire lives together and never disagree. But, with a little bit of hard work, respect,understand each other.Support each other in whatever you do. Communicate regularly, kiss before going to bed. Always say I Love You.
