Propriety?

United States
April 26, 2012 6:25pm CST
My daughter has a new boyfriend. It's the boy she went to Prom with. Now, the night before Prom, he and his mother came over for dinner so that we could meet each other and get to know one another. His mother even helped my daughter with her makeup for Prom. Well, since then, my daughter has invited this boy over to watch a movie with us and have some snacks. First of all, he never even bothered to mention this invitation to his mother so my daughter being the pro-active girl she is, figured she knew his mom well enough to talk to her directly. My daughter called this woman and told her of the invitation. This woman informed my daughter that it was "improper" for her son to go to our home without her, his mother, along. Funny thing was that she considered it okay for my daughter to visit her home without me, her mother, along! What the heck? In my book it is far more improper for a young lady to visit a young man's home than vice versa. I mean, I would have been here. I don't let my daughter have anyone over without my chaperoning. Heck! I don't even let my daughter be alone in the house without me here! So where is the impropriety? Mind you, this woman is from Virginia which makes things difficult to begin with because people from the East Coast seem to be taught from birth that it is acceptable to lie in order to be polite. They will smile to your face, deny anything is wrong, then spit in your drink behind your back. Or is that a southern thing? So trying to get her to admit to the real reason she doesn't want her son visiting here without her is like pulling teeth. But I do not believe for a minute that it is acceptable for my daughter to visit her home but not vice versa with her son visiting our home. Am I wrong? Are there any folks here from the south or east coast or maybe even Virginia who can explain this weirdness to me? When I was growing up, we had a hard, fast, rule that no boys in the house while our parents were gone but there was never anything about their parents having to come with them when they did visit. Isn't one parent enough of a chaperon? Am I wrong to think she has something against us in particular? I was more than cordial when they were over for dinner and she had no problem with me chaperoning them to Prom. Of course, after Prom, I noticed some funny feelings in one of our exchanges and I have my own suspicions as to what it is that she is afraid of with us but I won't go into that. I just wonder if this is an actual rule of propriety in Virginia that the boy's mother goes with him to the girl's house but her mother doesn't need to go with her to the boy's house? It just doesn't sound exactly kosher to me. Especially since the boy knew nothing about this "rule". What do you think?
1 response
• Jacksonville, Florida
27 Apr 12
No offense meant at all but I think your right, it seems like she has a problem with y'all in general. I am from the east coast & the south and thats the only explanation I can come up with. I agree with you that its more appropriate for the boy to go to your house with you there. She seems strange to me so its not a southern thing, maybe its a virginia thing I dont know, lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Apr 12
Well, the way she explained it to my daughter is that she needed to protect her boy's "reputation". She then recited about her oldest boy (this is the next to youngest my daughter is seeing) having some girl fall in love with him when he didn't reciprocate and because of his unsoiled reputation, the girl's lies of his doing her wrong were never listened to. But still, I would think the fact that I never allow them alone together would be enough for that. Maybe she's just paranoid?