About me and you

@debrakcarey (19924)
United States
May 8, 2012 9:03pm CST
A friend remarked that I post things of a certain 'nature' and from that I took it to mean I should probably post something fun once in awhile. This is my attempt at that. Let's tell each other about ourselves. Not the run of the mill things like what we like or where we live, but things like why we are they way we are. Have you ever had a preconceived impression of friends on here that turned out to be wrong. Like the always embarrassing calling someone a she and they turn out to be a he behind their icon/avatar? Hopefully this will change our preconceived notions of one another. Me first: I haven't always been a conservative. I was raised by a mother who adored JFK and was a staunce Democrat. The first vote I ever cast was for Jimmy Carter!!! Please do not hold it against me. I have not always been a Christian either, I was baptized a Catholic, but my extended family included a cousin who chose to be a Hindu, a bunch of Calvinist protestants, a smattering of atheists, agnostics and just plain reprobates from a bother who was a made man in chicago to a brother who chose the gizzly adams lifestyle in Missouri to a brother who is a prof at Mass. State. I chose to study all the possibilities in religious thought, and as any good flower child of the sixties, I chose an earth based religion and set off to become a witch. A green witch mind you. But that didn't mean I wasn't really interested in the occult for awhile, until one of my spells appeared to cause someone to get mono, then I decided I didn't have the heart for the dark side and limited my spells to mundane things, like sunshine on a cloudy day... I considered myself a witch up until I was almost 30. Why did I stop considering myself a witch, I met the guy who COULD really make the sun shine on a rainy day. lol I was a young mother, owing to my rebellious nature, married and a mother at 17. I passed on a decent scholarship with that bad decision. I am an artist, have sold some paintings, written some poetry that got published in an anthology. I homeschooled my children,not for religious reasons so much as for political reasons. I had seen the difference between parochial school and public school, and wanted to keep my children from the chaos. I did some protesting in High School along with my interest in Wicca and biology. Not against the war, but against a country that spit on its soldiers when they returned and court martialed them for following orders. I guess I've always been a conservative at heart. My older sister led me to the Lord Jesus with her tender care of me and my children. I realized that I'd always believed in a loving God who forgave us if we repented. She taught me about His Holiness and His mercy. It took years to actually begin to live as a forgiven person, the shame I felt over being abused by a step father kept me angry inside for a long time. but the seed had been planted and eventually it grew into the strong faith I have today. When I was a child and had moved from Chicago to the Ozarks of Missouri, I saw a lot of things that fascinated me, it was the sixties and some folks here lived as if it was the 1800s. No electricity, no running water, wood heat and cook stoves. I learned a lot. I saw prejudice and hated it, I saw hard work ethic and loved it. I loved the woods and I would often disappear into them for the day to get off by myself. Missouri is my home now, the rivers and woods still becon to me. I have always been sort of a loner. Teen years back in the city and I've told you how that went. Five kids, four of them boys born within the first five years I was married. (I tried not to let it happen, but it did)that is when I formed my thoughts on abortion, I just couldn't imagine deliberately hurting one of my babies, even though I cried when I realized I was pregnant 'again' each time. lol My rebelliousness got me married to a heavy drinker and pot smoker, and yes, I've smoked some in my day. Did not care for the weird things floating around in my head so when the babies started coming I stopped, he didn't. We fought, he hit, I threw things. He hit some more. I developed a bit of a drinking problem after my divorce, had to get help to stop. Not good for the kids so I set out to get an education, finally. Wanted to be a nurse, couldn't manage with five kids and no money so I settled for the peripheral of nursing, but I eventually worked my way up and was a medication tech for years. Learning all about the medications and what the side effects were, I decided to learn more about herbal and natural medicine. My huge interest is naturopathy, but once again, can't afford to study it offically. So I have this huge library I read and re read. lol Maybe that is the ol green witch coming back out, wise women who tended the ills of the community and cared for those who were weak and infirm. I've always been a caretaker. It is who I am. That is the skelton of who I am and why. Now, don't just answer a short reply and call it done. Do some serious digging and tell us what is comfortable to tell... I hope I have not caused you to dislike me or loose respect....I promise to be as understanding of any of the revelations spoken here.
6 people like this
1 response
• United States
9 May 12
Hi Debra! It is very courageous of you to bear your soul like that. I'm a retired nurse. Nursing was my passion. It was who I was. Now I'm just a shadow of who I was. My life is different. I write as a hobby but it pays me fairly well too. I use my nursing knowledge to write my health articles. I'm a Christian but I struggle with my faith. God help me with my unbelief. Wicca actually interests me. I have had many Mylit friends who were Wiccan. I want to believe everything I've been taught from the bible but my own thoughts sometimes run into conflict with what I am supposed to believe. So many people have their own brand of Christianity and if I don't fit in to their way if thinking I am somehow not a Christian in their odds. I have a daughter who suffers from a mental illness. She suffers from schizophrenia and DID among other things. Some if our friends and relatives want to say she us the devil's spawn or something. It makes me want to turn from them and try to find a truth that feels right.
2 people like this
@debrakcarey (19924)
• United States
9 May 12
My youngest son is bipolar with schizo effective disorder. It is not the devil, it is a brain mal function. Do not give up on her. She needs you more than you know or she can show. As for doubts, I am not a doubter, BUT am instead plagued with temptations to return to the party life. I suffer with depression and anxiety as well. Don't give up on your faith. God will not give up on you, but the devil will lie to you and make you think He has. You fit in with me. I don't go for most mainstream church teachings either. I read the Bible and pray, I go to the woods and think. I do good for people when I can. I try to find the truth of things. I believe Jesus is my Savior. I am a follower of HIS. Not any mans. God bless you and I hope we can become good friends on here!
2 people like this
• United States
9 May 12
Thank you Debora. I've come full circle. When I was a baby I was baptized into the Methodist faith. We didn't go to church, so when I heard teachings of a virgin birth and many ither things, it just didn't seem real. I found my way into a fire baptized church that took all my liberty away. Couldn't have a tv or radio. Couldn't even wear my wedding rings or cut my hair. Then I found my way almost into Mormanism. Then u found my way into Congregational Holiness. I felt like I was home there. I taught adult Sunday school after years of being faithful. That church fell apart and e eryone went their iwn way. So u went from a shouting church to one where you could hear a pin drop. All were so different. Now I struggle with who Jesus is to me. I feel like I'm struggling to hold on, and I'm praying that The Anchor still Holds.
2 people like this
@debrakcarey (19924)
• United States
9 May 12
Dear, you got to get rid of defining yourself by the company you may or may not keep. God is not JUST in the church building. He dwells right there with you. Everywhere, and he's waiting on you to turn to him and say, let's be friends. I know that God should be approached with reverence, but He also went to great lengths to shorten the distance between you and Him so get over what others say you should or should not do and just love God. I will pray for you, did you know you could ask God to help your unbelief? It is real dear. It is not just a set of rules, it is a relationship. You are in my prayers sweetheart. love you
2 people like this