I think my friends are trying to control me.

@HomeBase (1054)
United States
May 16, 2012 3:20pm CST
I used to hang out with a young lady who was very friendly, and we got along great, the only problem was that she was really conceited, and I when I say conceited, I mean REALLY. She was SO in love with herself. I really liked her, but I stopped hanging out with her. There's only so many times a day I want to hear a person talk about how pretty they are, how fabulous their WALK is, how many men have told them THAT DAY that they are pretty. Anyhow, a couple of my friends who I still DO hang out with are now very adamant about me NOT restarting up a friendship with this girl. My cell phone broke and deleted all of my contact numbers from my phone. I don't know my X-friends' phone number by heart, so I was thinking about getting the number from one of my current friends who happens to have the number (because I called her from my X-friends phone many months ago). I was thinking about maybe calling my X-friend and wishing her a Happy Mother's Day, but I decided against calling. When I told my current friend that I had was going to call her and have her give me my X-friends number, but I decided against it, my current friend told me, "I would not have given you the number if you asked for it because you don't need to be around that girl." I was like, wow. It is one thing for ME to decide that I don't want to be around someone, but it is something else when my current friends start telling me that they would not give me a number if I asked for it.
5 people like this
11 responses
• United States
16 May 12
If they have a really good reason for protecting you from her I would see it as love not control. Even you know she is a little out of control. not say this friend has the right to control you. but,had it been me I would not give you the number either. but,I would never try to stop you from getting it else where. friends have to protect each other in this cruel world.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (96787)
• Marion, Kansas
17 May 12
It is a good description of how to be a friend. Do not stand in their way, but also be free to say what you think of their situation. They are okay to tell you the truth, but they still need to let you make up your own mind.
@HomeBase (1054)
• United States
17 May 12
giftsandbags...yes, you are right, I really was not looking at it this way until I read your comment, friends do have to protect each other in this cruel world. I know that if I get back together with this X-friend that HER agenda will turn into MY agenda because she always has somewhere that SHE needs to go, or something that SHE needs to do, and since I am the one with the car, I am the driver. It is good that my friend did not give me the number, because I know that if I had started hanging out with her again, I would not be on the computer myLotting, I would be out running the streets right now. GardenGerty...I agree that a person needs to let someone make up their own mind, but sometimes I don't make the best choices when it comes to "hanging out" because I like to be out and about instead of at home taking care of my housework and other things that need my attention. I just have to look at it like my friend was looking out for me. It still kind of irritates me that she said she would not give me the #, but I know that she was doing that because she cares about me.
@Dominique25 (9476)
• United States
17 May 12
Perhaps since they know how the girl is they are just trying to look out for you. If you think it's a bad thing then you could mention it to your friend. But I think they have your best interest at heart. And you don't want to restart something that was really annoying and that probably hasn't changed yet.
@HomeBase (1054)
• United States
17 May 12
So true, so true, so true, so TRUE. I really appreciate your response because there is so much wisdom in it. I do NOT want to restart something that was really annoying. You are so right. That was my friends' point, although she did not word it like how you have here, all she said was that she would not have given me the number had I called and asked for it. THAT kind of p-ssed me off, but looking back on it, I know that I did not need the number, and had I had it, I probably would be out and about right now, running the streets with my X-friend like I used to do, instead of being here at home working and doing things that I need to do to keep my family life running smoothly.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 May 12
Yeah it can be bothersome when we feel that are friends are trying to control our lives. But often times they are trying to protect us from harmful friendships or problems in our life. They just may not know how to say it in the best way, or perhaps feel they can be blunt with us because we are close to them and so they don't use tact. Yeah it's better to be doing things that will keep our life going the way we would like it to and to hang out with our friends that don't drive us crazy.
@GardenGerty (96787)
• Marion, Kansas
17 May 12
They may know something more that you do not know, but if they do they should share that information with you. A few years from now Miss conceited may have grown up and may become a great young lady. It would be good to keep in touch. So do you think she will ever call you?
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
17 May 12
HomeBase I sort of know what you mean, but remember when you share your opinions with freinds they feel the need to try to protect you if they think you might be hurt. I would be grateful but still just do whatever you think is best. Friends do have a way of putting things in perspective at times and their opinions are often very valuable...but not always..
@HomeBase (1054)
• United States
17 May 12
Yes, you are right, see the reason why this friend feels the need to protect me is because of some of the things that I shared with her. I was hanging out with my X-friend, sometimes all day, many times at night. I would be really exhausted from hanging out with her all day, having not done any work in my own home...too tired to cook, too worn out to even change clothes sometimes from one day to the next, because I would be out and about from sunup to sundown it seemed. My friends were like, "Oh hell no, you need to stop giving that girl so much of your time, even though she does pay you to drive her around everywhere, enough is enough." My friend does not want me to fall into the hanging-out habit again, so I have to respect her for trying to protect me.
• Philippines
17 May 12
From what you wrote, I don't think your current friend is trying to control you, its more of a looking out for you thing. You have a point though that you can decide for your own self but at times we don't see eye to eye with the people in our lives. Perhaps your current friend's perspective was different and that he/she had good intentions for you in doing so.
@HomeBase (1054)
• United States
17 May 12
You're right, my friends' intentions were good, I know that now, it's just that at the time I was a little miffed because, come on, how are you not going to give me a phone number that I asked you for? I'm a grown woman! But, I have to admit that even as a grown woman, sometimes I do NOT make the best choices, especially when it comes to putting MY needs first. I really need to put myself first and not worry about doing for other people so much. My X-friend liked for me to do a lot for her, and even though she did a lot for me in terms of giving me money to help her out, all the time that I was spending with her was really draining me. My friends saw that and told me to cut the X-friend loose.
• Canada
16 May 12
Maybe you know someone else that may have this lady's number? That's not right for this so called friend of your to not hand out your ex-friend's phone number. What is she your mother? LOL... You are old enough to fend for yourself, and make your own callings, she shouldn't have to be doing this to you at all. This person needs to understand you as a fellow human being, who merely wishes to call an old friend up just to wish her a happy mother's day. Even though this other friend is a conceit, It does not mean that she cannot be a ''better'' friend.
@HomeBase (1054)
• United States
17 May 12
I was kind of thinking the same thing too when she said she would not give me the number, like, "who are YOU, my MOTHER??" But then I had to realize that she just does not want me to get caught up in the same cycle that I was going through with my X-friend months ago. I was spending almost my ENTIRE day driving this friend of mine around, listening to her go on and ON about how pretty she was, blah blah blah, meanwhile, my housework was undone, my cooking was undone, my laundry was undone, because I was all the time hanging around this x-friend of mine, doing the things that SHE wanted to do. I suppose I have a co-dependent personality, and my friends were pissed off that I was spending so much time taking care of someone else and not taking care of myself. I really love my X-friend, so it was so EASY for me to hang out with her and do what SHE wanted to do, but... I have to come to terms with the fact that although it may be "fun" to hang out with her, it is not GOOD for ME.
@rosegardens (3044)
• United States
16 May 12
It sounds as if they are trying to protect you from this person. That is really nice, though they also should allow you to be able to make your own decision, after speaking frankly to you about why they feel you should stay away. I wish I had friends like this. Mine push me towards relationships that are not good for me. Ugh I hate that.
@HomeBase (1054)
• United States
17 May 12
I'm floored when you say that your "friends" try to push you towards relationships that are not good for you. Sounds like they are not friends at all :( Yes, you are right, my friends are trying to protect me from this person, mostly because they know that I easily fall into doing things for this young lady because she pays me to give her rides everywhere. My friends feel like I "sell-out" for the money...when I should've been at home cooking or cleaning, I would be out and about with this X-friend of mine doing what SHE wanted to do. It is nice that my friends are trying to protect me, I just had to be reminded of that.
@fannitia (2170)
• Bulgaria
16 May 12
Hi, Homebase, I understand you, it's irritating when somebody wants to tell you what to do. But I suppose that they are good friends of yours so maybe they were worried about you and they wanted to give you a good advice. Anyway, it seems that this girl is not a good option for you and you already know this. But if you don't feel OK, you may try to clear this problems with your friends. Have a nice time!
@HomeBase (1054)
• United States
17 May 12
Yes, I was irritated when my friend said that she would not give me the number, it's like "who are you, my mother?" but then I thought about it, and after reading some of the responses here I realize that my friend is just trying to protect me. I love my X-friend, she just was not good for me, but the love that I have for her makes me want to get together and hang out, but that is not a good thing for me.
@KrauseHome (34994)
• United States
20 May 12
Personally anymore there are too many people out there I feel that are "All About Me." They tend to think they are the only thing on this earth that matters and everyone should only listen and bow down to them. It is Sad that it has gotten this way, and makes you wonder how come people were brought up to believe this. There is nothing wrong in thinking you are important as everyone is, but to think you are better than everyone else, is where they are are wrong.
• United States
17 May 12
I have been in your shoes many times before. You need to tell your friends how you feel about them being so controlling about who you talk to. Just dont tell your friends everything and if they wont give you the number, then find some other way to get it. Its not their business who you talk to. I have often had to stop being friends with people who control me. I hate being treated like I need someone to tell me what to do.
@alutka (211)
17 May 12
with friends already so that they are caring, worried about us, even trying to force us uszczesliwic.Ale do not do it in bad faith, but out of love for ciebie.Chca protect you, though for you it looks inaczej.Mysle with these are just real friends, and you can handle that you trusted them more, you should rely on its own znajomoych, it is someone to listen and sometimes I think kiedysmoze them for this concern thank!