shes's not being a real friend...

United States
July 22, 2012 9:23am CST
Does anyone else have a "friend" who isn't really a friend, because all they do is criticize? I went on a date the other night, and she asked me to send her a picture of me and him. He happened to wear his hat backwards, so she texts me back, "no. if he can't wear a hat right don't date him." seriously? She has never even met him! So I defended him, and then she decides to change tactics, saying "It's a really bad idea to date a coworker." Yes, he happens to be a coworker of mine, and I agree, it is a bad idea, BUT I am quitting this job because I have a better one lined up. So I tell her that I'm quitting, and then she asks if I have another one lined up. It may sound like she's just being caring, but she's really not. She's constantly trying to find something wrong with what I do, and treats me so bad. This isn't even the worst situation, just the most recent. She has told me that she doesn't care when I've been in the middle of telling her something ("yeah, we don't care, Rebecca") and actually told me she hated me in high school for "dressing like a snob". Right. My question is, do you guys think I'm overreacting? What should I tell her? Should I even bother trying to stay friends with her? Thanks for reading!
1 person likes this
13 responses
@MissPiggy (1751)
• Indonesia
22 Jul 12
I think you should stay away from her. Besides, she has made it clear by mentioning to that she didn't like (well, hated) you in high school. Could it be like an action of revenge? I mean the way she criticizes you in everything. So if there's a chance for you to avoid her, I think you better do it.
• United States
22 Jul 12
It could be an act of revenge, but the thing is, I thought we were past that. she told me that we were really friends, and that if she still hated me, I would know. Well, it seems to me like she still does. haha
@MissPiggy (1751)
• Indonesia
22 Jul 12
There you know it! Well, people will try to be friends with us for some reasons. Maybe it's because we're nice, maybe because they want to stab us slowly. I have ever known this kind of person. She really wants to know me so well to beat me down. The thing is that we're only knew each other online and I happened to be the girlfriend of her crush. So she started to make friends with the people she thinks are close with me, she played the games that I played, and she made some fake accounts on facebook and sent me requests. First she would ask these friends of mine that she needs help with the game. And of course these friends would offer me to her. Next she would start to comment on my activities, photos, and so on and acted like she's a nice new friend. But then, she started to ask about my personal life and relationship. And what's next? Boom. She stabbed me. So I think you should stay away from this kind of person. If she already said that she hated you back then, I think it's better for you for not trusting her so much.
@marguicha (106225)
• Chile
22 Jul 12
You can still be nice to her, but you don`t have to expose yourself to her criticism. Don`t send her pictures, don`t tell her your intimate things. Make it so that shee has no grounds to criticize. There are lots of things to talk about with people like her. You can tell her about the sun, the plants and the moon. Why do you still hang with her? Break the tie! Take cxare.
• United States
22 Jul 12
Thank you! I really don't want to hang out with her anymore, but I feel bad because she's been a friend of mine a long time. I think I'm too nice lol.
@marguicha (106225)
• Chile
22 Jul 12
I had a friend for over 50 years. I was always telling myself that she didn`t mean to do this or that and I forgave her. Once, I just couldn`t do it anymore and I decided it was over. She had been very nasty to my mother and that was the last straw. I feel a lot better now that she`s no longer in my life, but I know I should have cut the friendship decades ago. Several people I love were hurt by her without my realising it. Beware.
@viji_v2 (727)
• India
22 Jul 12
Hello friend welcome to mylot. No you are not over reacting. In this situation it is best to avoid telling her your personals more and more. It seems she is jealous of something which she says as like caring. I had one such friend who played double role, one front of me and another behind me. Later when I find the true color, I started to avoid her and in end I had to move away to save myself by being in stress. I suggest you to take a good decision but after thinking many times. Have a good day.
• United States
22 Jul 12
Thank you! Yes, those kinds of people are very stressful, and I think it will save me stress being away from her. I am going to have to think about it first, and possibly confront her as well though.
@viji_v2 (727)
• India
25 Jul 12
It is a good decision to speak to her before you decide
• Lenox, Georgia
22 Jul 12
It's kind of funny to me because I wrote a discussion recently about someone who treated me like crap too who was supposed to be a friend. The title of it was Is there someone in your life who is poison? Or something like that. Here is the advice, drop her quick! Lol. This girl that treated me this way got much worse because I kept putting up with it! The longer you let it go, the more she will do it. There is NO reason for you to be treated that way. Friendship is about trust and respect, neither of which she seems to have towards you. It was the same with me and that girl. My only regret was not getting rid of her sooner!! I think she is your poison. Poison brings you down, hurts, makes you feel awful...Exactly how she is making you feel. You really should think about getting rid of your poison! No one should tell you who to date or what your date should wear. That is your business, not hers. Friends are supposed to encourage your happiness. Friends should want to see their friends happy and try to uplift them, not bring them down. I hope I have helped at least a little bit.
• United States
23 Jul 12
That helped a lot! Thank you for the advice! :)
@samson1 (738)
• Jamaica
22 Jul 12
Hi there StainedGlassRoses, how are you? Apparently, this friend of your seem to be keeping you busy thinking and 'evaluating' everything you do in your life. In addition, you seem to be handling her criticisms well. I would not worry much about her comments, as you appear to know how to handle them when they are given to you. Great job! Smile and move on.
• United States
22 Jul 12
Thank you, that's very nice of you to say :) I'll do just that lol
@alberello (4755)
• Italy
22 Jul 12
Well, you know, the low-educated (and I limit myself!) I have met very many in my life! So much so that I trusted friends, at the moment I only have three. In your case I if I were you I would act in this way. I still would try to interact with these people through good manners. But if I were realizing that despite all she continues to "hate", perhaps with praise, avoidable, at this point that I would be take  distance from this person. This is just my opinion.
• United States
22 Jul 12
Yes, I think it would be nice to still be able tot lak to her, just not about anything personal.
@artemeis (4069)
• China
22 Jul 12
Let me just guess that you are asking the question if you are overreacting because you've known this person for a considerable time to give up on her and this friendship. Correct me if I am wrong here. I don't think she's simply finding fault with you and I don't think assuming that she is or is not genuinely concern about you, will help. So, why don't you try confronting her with whatever you've mentioned and is uncomfortable with, with her and listen to what she has to say before you decide. I believe that the both of you has arrive to this stage where the both of you need to be honest with one another before this friendship can go on another level. There will not be any progress if either of you do not find the need to be honest and upfront. It will all be a matter of guessing each other and assuming that all's well under some non existent umbrella.
• United States
22 Jul 12
Yes, that's why I feel like I'm overreacting. But I also feel like I've known her so long that perhaps I'm used to her bad treatment of me. I have confronted her about it before, she tells me I'm too sensitive. Maybe I am, but I am allowed to feel that way.
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
22 Jul 12
In that case, I would keep our so-called friendship but as gift stated, limit my time with her and not really involve her with anything about me. I think it's obvious she still has issues with you probably from the past. I may be wrong but it sounds like she's applying the saying "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". Just my opinion though.
• United States
22 Jul 12
Yeah, I think you're right. I think I'm just going to not tell her anything anymore, because it never helps
@Raine38 (9193)
• United States
22 Jul 12
She's more of your critic than a friend I think. Friends are supposed to bring out the best in you and makes you feel good even after she told you that your outfit sucks. If I were you, I will slowly sever my friendship with her. Oh sure we can still talk but only for general conversation, no more confiding. I will still hang out with her but it will only be when I ran out of excuses to use to avoid it. It seems she hasn't gotten over her high school insecurities with you despite the time that has passed.
• United States
22 Jul 12
Yep, agreed. Friends aren't supposed to be critics, they're supposed to make you feel better about yourself. Yes, I think I'm going to stop telling her personal details about my life.
22 Jul 12
I can easily recognize who is my real friend, who is really concern to me.. I don't want to waste my time to those who aren't being true to me and would only stabbed me at the back. I want real friends coz I am also real to anyone. So I only share the things which I personally view as too personal to those who are really deserving and they are my real friends.
• United States
22 Jul 12
Good idea!
@Mashnn (4503)
22 Jul 12
Seriously speaking, I would not be close to such type of person who seems to be criticizing me on every matter. A good friend should be there to support you but not to make you feel uncomfortable most of time.
• United States
22 Jul 12
Yes, that's exactly how I feel. It's hard because I've known her so long, and she wasn't always this way but unfortunately she became very rude to me, and now I can't be close to her
• United States
22 Jul 12
I would not tell her anything else aboutthis dating. I would never send her another picture as well. I would keep all my personal info to myself.I would limit her visits to my house and limit my vistis to her house after while the relationship with be gone. I would be happy to leave her behind.
• United States
22 Jul 12
Yeah, I think I'll be much happier once I stop talking to her and decide that people who treat me like that are not worth my time.
@salonga (27957)
• Philippines
23 Jul 12
friend - What is a friend?
"A friend is one of the nicest thing you can have and one of the best things you can be." Well you can assess your friendship with that friend of yours by that quotation. If you thing she isn't the nicest thing you can have then don't bother to keep the friendship. I'm sure that will solve your problem.