Why do people think it is ok to be late?
By Suzieqmom
@Suzieqmom (2755)
United States
August 7, 2012 2:22pm CST
I really don't understand why it's become so commonplace for people to be extremely late when you have made plans, and to think it is ok. For example, a friend and her children were supposed to meet my children and me at 2:00 today; we changed our plans to make sure to be available for them, and the mom called (after 2 pm) and said she hadn't even left yet and wouldn't make it until 3:30 at the earliest. Another friend was supposed to meet us at our town pool last week at noon; she didn't show up until 1:30! (And she lives 5 minutes away). And many other friends and neighbors do this, all the time, and think nothing of it. And my husband's family is even worse--we can be hosting a family party that starts at 1pm; they don't show up until 6 pm.
I am the first to admit I am sometimes late for things; maybe 15 or 20 minutes, and yet I am usually the first one there!
Don't people realize how rude it is to be so late? Do they think other people have nothing better to do than to wait for them? Or do they just think it is socially ok to be so late?
7 people like this
28 responses
@Matpunk85 (1066)
• Italy
7 Aug 12
It's impossible to justify all these delays. I always try to arrive on time in an apointment and if I arrive late it isn't longer than 10 minutes. I cannot stand when I change my plans to meet people or to do something and I waste my time waiting for them while the are peacefully in late.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
I agree. As I said, I may be 10-15 minutes late, usually because I have misjudged traffic or distance getting from one place to the next, and I do not get upset when people are 15 minutes late to meet me. But being hours late takes lateness to a whole new level!
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
7 Aug 12
Sadly I think being late has become such a common thing that people are starting to see it as being acceptable. Time is precious and I know that I don't have time to waste, I certainly don't appreciate bending my schedule for others and then sitting around waiting for them to show up.
1 person likes this
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
I think you are right. And I have a very tight schedule myself so my time really is precious. Again, I understand being a few minutes late, but hours? With my inlaws, I actually now tell them the event starts 2 hours before it actually does--and they are still always late.
@celticeagle (159483)
• Boise, Idaho
7 Aug 12
People don't care about others anymore. Until people make it clear it is unappropriate and even rule to keep others waiting this will never change. If it isn't made apparent that this isn't exceptable then it will continue. Our own self-esteem and boundaries come into play here. I would go on without these people. Make it known when they are expected and if they aren't there by a reasonable time then go on without them. No, people don't realize or care and unless you let them know they never will! Yes, they do think others have nothing better to do than wait for them! And they probably do think it is socially ok to be so late. Don't let them get away with it! If you do then you deserve to set and wait for them!
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
In theory, I completely agree with you. The problem is then my kids are punished for something that is completely not their fault (or their friends' fault, either, for that matter). But if it continues with the parents of my kids' friends, I am going to have to follow this advice--hopefully it will stop without causing my kids to lose friends.
As for my inlaws, that is a little tougher, especially when the event is at my house and other guests are still here! I used to hold the meals until they arrived; now I don't do that any more, and they just eat whatever is left over. Once when they called to say they hadn't left their house yet (and they were already 4 hours late) I told them not to bother coming, but they showed up anyway, and I couldn't really lock my husband's parents out of the house! My husband has talked to them and some of his siblings who are also habitually late, but they just won't change. It's a tough situation.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159483)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Aug 12
It is a tough situation. ANd it sounds like you have done about all you can. I just wouldn't kow tow to them. They obviously aren't very organized and don't care one way or the oter. I would go ahead and eat, start festivities or what ever. If they aren't there--TOUGH!
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
8 Aug 12
Yes, our office time is 9:30 and 5% of the staff won't be there before 10:00. In this case, we have some exemptions as many are leaving the office so late and it is ok. As you said, I found that the punctuality for timing is not much importance for many people. Even from the top level to ordinary people also won't pay attention to the timing.
It is mainly because all are the impression that if a program starts at 3:00 pm, due to the unavailability of people, the program may start only at 4:00. This is practice considered an accepted mentality and people are leaned to it. However, my wife is so particular to reach to place it is already announced with a particular time. I used to appreciate here way of thinking.
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
9 Aug 12
I think people may be panctual only if there is a feast or service of food. They are well awere that if they are late, they may miss the taste... (fun)... ahaha. Though it is a fact, if it is associated with a wedding or such cermoney, they would miss the function, but not the food there after... really worth to thinking and in whatever situation, if a specific time is mentioned it is highly recommended that we should be there, whatever may be the occasion. Though it didn't happened, at attempt to reach in tim is also would be appreciated.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
9 Aug 12
Oh, my inlaws have been so late that they have missed the entire event, including the feast--they just don't care. They expect someone to just serve them more food when they arrive. So annoying!
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
If people are not on an hourly schedule, but just have to work a certain number of hours in a day, then I think that work policy is ok. However, the meeting times should not be changed just because people don't respect others' schedules--if the meeting is scheduled for 3:00, then it should start at 3:00, and the late people just lose out.
@Pegasus72 (1898)
•
9 Aug 12
Some parents are more organized then others, while some parents are more laid back. I know we try to be ontime or even early when we are invited to events. Next time if you go with either of these families tell them a time 15 minutes earlier and let them know that you will have to leave at a certain time so that you can do other things that you have planned that way they know they only have a certain amount of time to spend with you and your family.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
10 Aug 12
That is a good philosophy. . .have you actually tried this strategy with anyone, and has it worked? I would be curious to know if it changed someone's behavior, because then maybe I will try it next time!
@Pegasus72 (1898)
•
11 Aug 12
Yes I have and if it works then it does if it doesn't the other family or person just misses out. I can not be everyone's mommy.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
28 Aug 12
You would think so, but I know people who are perpetually late to meetings, too--and it's not the boss!
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
8 Aug 12
No they don't You have to be taught what rude means. I bet they were late for school and everything else. They will never change. See I wuld either tell them a time that is 90 minutes early so they are on time Or, they will lose a friendship over it. How? When dear heart calls and says she will be 90 minutes late , I say , "Let's make it another day and you choose it."That way If she ever gets back to me there will be another chance. If not, I'm fine! 
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
That is a good technique--if they call to tell you they are going to be late to begin with! 
1 person likes this
@nangisha (3496)
• Indonesia
12 Aug 12
Late for that's long its quite rude actually. Its must boring and frustrating to wait that's long. You must feel you are not respected by them.
There are few people like that's feel if they were important and others will be waiting for them no matters what, and seem really hesitate to call if they late and made you wandering.
Sometimes I late to appointment with friend because I had traffic jam. But It usually not take it so long.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
14 Aug 12
Not only is it boring for me; it's boring for my kids, too--and what message is it sending to them? But if I left, they would feel worse because they didn't get to see their friends.
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
8 Aug 12
Hi Suzie, this is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves...I really really
don't like waiting on others...it annoys me to no end and I don't
care who it is am not waiting any more that 15-20 minutes for any
one...especially when the plan have been made so long ago or even
yesterday, don't agree unless you can make it...
Now I understand. S%$T happens but you better have a GOOD reason to
have me waiting for you so long....
I would have went on about my plans with my kids and would not have
had a problem advising her we would have to try this another
time......
I think it disrespectful and rude to be late, just because...thats
crazy..
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
I know, it is one of mine, too.
Eventually I will get to the point where I just change the plans, but then I feel badly for my kids. . .I guess they will get to the age where I don't have to chaperone them any more, and hopefully the problem will be solved (at least for me).
The inlaws, however, are another story. . .
@prashu228 (37525)
• India
8 Aug 12
hi,
i agree, many people , do this, they never care about the time, they promised to be there. More over they dont even think about the people who are just kept waiting because of them I faced such people in life , and its too irritating ,i konw, they test our patience . so we should be alert, we cant help them, some people do it knowingly and some do it unknowingly, but we should at least talk to them once , and explain, how we feel about the whole thing..in a peaceful manner, they may understand the pain..
, they test our patience . so we should be alert, we cant help them, some people do it knowingly and some do it unknowingly, but we should at least talk to them once , and explain, how we feel about the whole thing..in a peaceful manner, they may understand the pain..@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
They certainly do test my patience! You are right; they should know how we feel, but I have found that (at least with my inlaws) talking to them does no good; they are still always late.
@sofiafaith (84)
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
why do people think it is ok to be late? its not good if you have are a business men, bec. most of business men are busy. each time is important. and if you have an appointment you have to be on time. or ahead of time. its like when you are applying for a job, you always ahead of time. and its ok to be american time than filipino time, but we are american time as you told 8am before 8am we are in the meeting place. but some people are like filipino time, filipino time its like 8am they will come 8:30am or 9am and its so hot head for me bec. you always go ahead that you will make appointment that you will go there before that time and they will come late. i hate to be late. bec. they will pay you right but you will be late. and its also a record to your attendance or perfomance
thank you
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
Yes, it is especially bad to be late at work or for a business meeting, but at least there are ways to penalize a person for that--cut their pay or, if their tardiness is bad enough, fire them.
@paulli3 (312)
• China
8 Aug 12
in fact, some people don't think time is important, so they always late and they never feel guilty about that, we have to wait for them every time, i think it is ot ok, but maybe they don't think so. i have no idea for them, i ever told them and i hate people who always late, but they don't listen. sometimes i late carelessly and my girlfriend got angry, that is why i am hardly late.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
You should stick with your girlfriend; she sounds like she has good manners and is smart, too!
I think that is the problem--people just don't think there is anything wrong with being late.
I think that is the problem--people just don't think there is anything wrong with being late.
@Christine637 (358)
• United States
8 Aug 12
OH it's so frustrating!! I had a friend that was ALWAYS late and as one person mentioned, just plan for it. I'd tell her to be someplace 45 minutes before I needed her to be there and she'd still be late. She left me standing in front of a theater once - missed the movie, no apologies. I honestly think as you've all said it's rude and thoughtless but sometimes I wonder what could be going through their heads while they're not where they're supposed to be. How can you not imagine someone wants to kill them!! My in-laws (mother, sister, brother AND niece)- same thing, no idea it's a problem. I don't get it!! Breathe Chris, breathe... ;-)
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
You sound just like me--same friends, same inlaws, same frustrations!
I especially wonder what people like this are thinking when they are supposed to be somewhere at a certain time and they haven't even left their house yet!
@Mark72125 (135)
• United Arab Emirates
12 Aug 12
Yes,it is true that it can be rude at times.I agree that waiting for someone can be a really irritating thing.I mean,it's not our duty to wait for someone and I completely disagree with people who thinks socially its ok to be so late.I hope they be more punctual so it doesn't waste any of our times.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
14 Aug 12
Well said; unfortunately it seems that fewer and fewer people agree with you and me.
@applefreak (3130)
• Singapore
8 Aug 12
i guess all of us hate late comers. it's a waste of good time and i believe no one likes to wait for others for a long time.
what i usually do is not wait. i will just go ahead and do whatever that was planned. if i'm meeting someone for a meal and the person is late, i'll just go ahead and order. if my food comes, i'll just eat it. if by the time i finish my meal the person is still not arriving, i'll just pay the bill and leave.
i hate to wait, because i have better things to do with my time. if it happens more than thrice with the same person, i'll probably not arrange anything with him/her anymore.
what i usually do is not wait. i will just go ahead and do whatever that was planned. if i'm meeting someone for a meal and the person is late, i'll just go ahead and order. if my food comes, i'll just eat it. if by the time i finish my meal the person is still not arriving, i'll just pay the bill and leave.
i hate to wait, because i have better things to do with my time. if it happens more than thrice with the same person, i'll probably not arrange anything with him/her anymore.@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
You are a braver person than I. . .but one of these days I might just do that!
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
8 Aug 12
I absolutely hate waiting so by the time the person showed up I'd probably be relieved to see them but getting over my anger. I know that sounds funny but it's the way I am. I"ll build up so much anger and aggravation because I am eager and waiting and they can't call, or when they do they call like 20 minutes AFTER they were supposed to be wherever we were meeting..
This hasn't happened in quite a long time though. If I knew someone who was always going to be late I'd tell them a wrong time for whatever meet up. So If you really want to meet up at 2 pm say noon instead and atleast if they are early it won't be too much of a bother and maybe even a surprise!
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
I know what you mean about being annoyed for so long you actually get over it before they arrive. One of these days I will surprise them and be an hour or more late myself, just to make a point. Of course, they still might not be there yet!
@Bluerain25 (812)
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
Hi Suzie, I also do not understand why there are people like that. There are times that I am late but only 5 to 10 minutes. If I think I wouldn't make it in more 30 minutes I will inform them usually few hours before the meeting time. Like you I also encountered people who is always late for than an hour and yet will not even inform you if they can come or not instead they keep you waiting until you called them first and worse is you can never hear them saying sorry.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
Why would they say sorry if they think there is nothing wrong with it? LOL! I especially love it when THEY set the meeting time and then are still late! ARRGGHH! 
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
8 Aug 12
I consider to be late as rude and a lack of consideration for other people's time I Am usually early or on time and I find myself often waiting for other people which upset me a lot! I have try to be late but still have to wait!now I learnt not to wait any more if they are not there I just leave! to me is not socially to be late is just rude.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
I agree with you but apparently we are in the minority--it seems to me that nowadays most people do not consider it rude to be late--or they just don't care.
@Raine38 (12257)
• United States
8 Aug 12
Me and my husband are always on time. If we will be late even for a few minutes, we call in advance in consideration of those who get there on time, yet like you most of the time we're still the first ones there.
Whenever we encounter people like this, we make sure we tell them of the inconvenience in a nice way, of course. Next time, and they were still late, we will be having second thoughts of meeting up with them again, or we give them a time earlier than what it actually is. So if another meeting cannot be avoided with a perpetually late person, we just say we will meet up at 7:30 when in fact everyone's agreed to be there by 8:00. True enough the person gets there past 8.
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
You sound like a very polite couple. And your friends, well, they sound like my friends. maybe they are actually the same people!
@caopaopao (12395)
• China
8 Aug 12
I have the same feeling with you. I don't like the person who is not punctual. I experienced this kind of situation many times. Maybe that kind of person just think it's natural to be late. I will divide the persons in the world into two types: punctual ones and not punctual ones. There are always two types persons, neither type will disappear, do you think so?
@Suzieqmom (2755)
• United States
8 Aug 12
Yes, I think that is generally true--people who prefer to be on time generally feel very uncomfortable about being late.
