How can we as parents, gentle or authoritarian?

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Always oscillating between a parent hypostasis without fail to convince me which ones could contribute more to the happiness and fulfillment of our children. To be gentle or authoritarian? To be friendly or aloof? To be vigilant or bohemians? On the shoulders of parents are responsibilities that go beyond their own lives. After giving birth to a child, every gesture of yours is measured by its effect on several generations. And then we always wondered how to behave with our children, so as to have beautiful life together, and they can carry on the lessons to make them be loved, respected, happy. I, however, fail to find safest way, so I oscillate between hypostasis. I am bossy when it comes to their health and safety, but equally if not careful, when get to lessons and teaching. I am gentle and patient holidays, but not as calm in our afternoons playing during the week. I am sometimes too permissive and close, sometimes decide - briefly - that ought to get off military bridge ... How can we, as parents, lest we later what reproach us? What mistakes to avoid, lest we put later our sons non- victories on account of our bad attitude? Fail to find the right answer, but continued to search, trying, asking, living and especially loving.