How do you adjust with negative people

@rubyroy (824)
India
September 14, 2012 8:09am CST
I have always found difficulty to adjust with people who hurt others for the sake of fun.There are people with whom I work,who are always sarcastic and passing derogatory comments just to get acceptance from others.I cannot avoid working with them because they are in our team and has to work together.I often become uncomfortable when they pass unwanted comment about others.Since they are good at presentations and we have to exist as a group,I wonder how I will protest when they pass derogatory comments behind others back. There are also others like me who doesn't encourage this bad trait, but keep silent due to fear of their backlash.
11 responses
@diamania (7037)
• Netherlands
15 Sep 12
It really depends on the situation. In most cases I would tell the individual or group that I am not at all amused by their behavior in an assertive and confident way. Mostly that helps and if it does not I'd report them to my boss, teacher or another authority.
@rubyroy (824)
• India
15 Sep 12
Then you are considered as the traitor in the team and will be considered as the black sheep.You will be harassed in a hundred subtle ways, and you will have time only to complain about them.And finally the higher authority will be fed up of our complaints.
• Indonesia
14 Sep 12
Silence is your best bet. Although this reminds me with people like this in my office, makes me feel down sometimes because the only coworkers I have, are the ones who are passing negative comments about others when I'm the only one who don't like it. I don't feel I'm a part of them but working with them just unavoidable. It's nice that at least you have others who doesn't like that. However in small division like me who is working with in the team of just 2 people, I don't have much choice....
@rubyroy (824)
• India
15 Sep 12
When we keep silence,they think that we are enjoying their joke.Nowadays I do show my dissent with their view,when they go beyond limit.But I don't make it a great issue,to maintain the work place harmony.
@Raine38 (9117)
• United States
14 Sep 12
I think that's the only way to handle them, maintaining your silence. You will never win with people like them. Whatever you say will always be taken the wrong way if you try to even hint that they're not being really nice at all. I'm sure that they will even have something bad to say even if you are silent. But think about this, as long as you don't give in to their attitudes and antics, as long as you don't say anything, you will never be misquoted. Soon, all the people there will begin to doubt them and even question their judgment because they cannot prove anything about you saying this or that. Because...you're just silent and cool. Anyway, you're there to work and not to expand your social circle. I'm sure you will also find some decent colleagues and even if they're only few, it's better still.
@rubyroy (824)
• India
15 Sep 12
Thanks for your solution.Now I am using one more tactic,when they make fun of others on their personal traits,I also comment back on our personal traits that others may find funny, but then they started getting angry when somebody made fun of their personal trait.When there is backbiting I bring to their attention the good qualities of that person also.Now they call me a saint,saying that everybody is not like me.According to them, to have fun means to make fun of others behind their back.
• Cyprus
14 Sep 12
I keep silent as well but I try to completely take myself out of the situation even if I'm still there, I might occupy myself with something else or sometimes make a joke about something else and change the topic. I remember, we went over to one of my cousin's house for coffee and I was asked about someone else and I simply said I don't like to talk about other people.
@rubyroy (824)
• India
14 Sep 12
These I have tried often,but it makes me sad when I have to keep this people with me as long as I work on this project.They are suspicious of everybody and try to poison others also with their suspicion.Another thing is they crib in all situations and finally make you also negative .
@Jshean20 (14373)
• Canada
15 Sep 12
I suppose the easy answer to adjusting to negative people, would be to avoid them altogether but of course this isn't always possible. Like you, I deal with negative people in my workplace as well and there is no way to avoid these people. I do keep to myself and I'm nice to people and talk if they talk to me first, but other than that I keep to myself to stay out of the drama.
@shylade (3137)
• Philippines
15 Sep 12
I understand how you feel. Sometimes I just keep my silence but then when I can't stand it anymore I stand against that person. But of course I am thinking of what to do better instead of stooping down to their level. If you are in a team, you need to work together in harmony for the success of the team. We really can't avoid negative people so try to influence them positively instead.
@silverfox09 (4727)
• United States
14 Sep 12
I am always running into people like that and if we are not friend I would just be silent also but if I am friends or acquaintances I would ask "why they do it?" . I think thats normally the case, they do it to also fit in and the cycle continues . People would mistake that only teenagers go under peer pressure but thats is wrong , we can all do at any age . we all try to fit in the puzzle and that is why bad things will never ever stop , some try to fit in some rather not say anything .
14 Sep 12
Same problem happens to me also. Not everytime and not everyone, few make fun on me. I just keep silent and go from there. Never talk with them. So that could be best solution i think
@fatlex06 (895)
• Philippines
14 Sep 12
If you can't really avoid them but still you are very uncomfortable, I think you should just ignore them and don't let yourself be like them. You know your strengths and weaknesses more than we know here. There will always be people like that, you just have to deal with it specially that they are your co-workers.
@almond24 (1250)
• Hungary
14 Sep 12
I always had coworkers who talked out others behind their back and say negative things about them. Although sometimes they are right, very rarely, I tried to tell them that the people they are talking about have good qualities too because of this and this... It made me feel i was right, but they just made fun of me too, even more... I think it's better to stay silent instead, they will say that you don't socialize with them and look down on them, but there is no solution that makes everyone happy. I would talk to them when they are talking about neutral subject and not gossiping, but stay silent and concentrate on my work in the rest of the time.
@ARIES1973 (9531)
• Legaspi, Philippines
14 Sep 12
Hi rubyroy! I also have the same problem right now and I am just hoping that I can already get rid of the situation in the days to come. Most often, I would just keep silent because as what mother told us, if we have nothing good or beautiful to say, we just have to keep our mouth shut. But this situation really makes me feel bad because whatever they do, that would surely reflect not only to them but also on my personality.