How to get over a break up ?

@esteria (396)
India
November 8, 2012 8:40pm CST
I was in a 2 year long relationship with a girl. We had even planned like the kids name and stuff. Then I came abroad for further studies and within 2 months our long distance attempt has crumbled. She officially broke up with me last night. I still can't get her off my mind as this is the first time I am suffering a break-up. So anybody has any tips on how to handle the next few days. What helps in forgetting things sooner.
4 people like this
16 responses
@youless (94251)
• Guangzhou, China
9 Nov 12
I am sorry to hear that. I think many people have the break-up experience but everybody deals with it differently. As to me, I felt so upset and I couldn't help crying sometimes. It seemed that no matter what I did, I couldn't get rid of the memory. I think the best medicine is the time. Just leave it with time and you will feel not so bad as time goes by. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9475)
• United States
9 Nov 12
Sorry to hear that you are going through this. A break up is hard. It is hard though to make a relationship work when neither individuals are in a position to really start a life together. What I would recommend is to keep yourself busy. Keep your mind on what your focus needs to be in your life right now.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Nov 12
It's okay to grieve over the loss of the relationship, but make sure that you don't isolate yourself. A lot of times people who have been so close are afraid of things left unsaid...at this point, there's not much use saying them. Don't try to have the last word with her and instead surround yourself with people and activities that make you feel good. Is there an activity you've always wanted to try or a place you'd like to visit? Do you want to get in better shape physically? Now is a good time to get busy with positive things. Maybe it's good that you aren't in the same place--now you can fully explore the new region! There are lots of things you can do, but keep in mind that the best medicine is time!
1 person likes this
@Mattxu (62)
• China
10 Nov 12
Firstly, you need to recognize the fact that the distance between you two is too far away. I think you may predict the result when you decide to go aborad. So I feel that you have prepared for it. And she is your first love, so you will be sad sometimes. Actually, you are not really as sad as you have said. If you love the girl very very much, you won't have time to post a discussion on mylot now. If you really love the girl, I know the feeling. But obviously, you don't have the feeling. So don't be too false.
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
10 Nov 12
Oh esteria, sorry you are feeling heart broken but it truly happens to most of us some time or another...But the good thing is you found out what type of person in less 3 months after you left...How much did she care for you... I wish I could help you with your broken heart but I have had to deal with it a couple of times in my life and it was not easy and no one could ever say anthing to make it bettr.. So I am not going to say don't feel bad or don't cry when you hurt...you are human...but this I can tell you this with conviction..... THIS TO SHALL PASS AND YOUR HEART WILL MEND...
@Erynn14 (359)
• Malaysia
10 Nov 12
Hi there, esteria. I ever experience this. For me, it is better to make yourself busy with the things that is important in your life like others they said. Since you are studying now, you should learn to study more to shorten the time for your mind to not think about her. Set a goal for yourself like, you are going to study hard and study smart to get good results and live your life to the fullest even without her. Think about this. Even without her before, you were single and you are able to live happily without this particular her. So why can't you live much more better when you learned something important in life in this relationship so you will have someone you deserve to be together with? New person will eventually came in your life and happens again like this break up. Just take it as a lesson that love is beautiful but there is still much you need to learn like, trusting someone that isn't your family. In every relationship, couples will always plan kids names and thinking about marriage. But, this thing will not last once trust isn't there anymore. People say distance are nothing if the feeling are still there. I'm not sure whether it is true or not. But if distance really matter in relationship and causes break up, it means this relationship wasn't worth for you. Maybe because you don't trust her or she don't trust you I'm am not sure about that. But people that go out of your life, wasn't deserve for you. If she ever came back, maybe she is really deserve for you in your life. But be careful on choosing to have her back or not so you won't experience break up again. Well, busy with stuff that is important to you like study. Make yourself busy to get her out of your mind. It will be the best way you can do to get used to the life without her. Good luck! :)
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
Acceptance is the easiest way to get over with the pain. Make yourself busy with other things to avoid thinking about her. You can also give yourself some break- hang out with friends and avoid being alone. You must be thankful that in the earliest time you have come to know that she's not the right woman for you.
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
9 Nov 12
Only one bit of advice. Do not jump into a new relationship for at least 1 year. You will regret it if you do, and cause yourself more pain. And next time, if you plan to get married to a women, you don't leave her to go study abroad. You either marry, and take her with you, or you don't go at all. Stay with your wife. Long distance relationships rarely work.
@ungu89 (2001)
• Malaysia
9 Nov 12
if me, i just get busy with my friends and study so that i will never had anytime to think or remember about the past relationship. always said to myself, after this i will get someone better that him for me
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
do you have any intention of being together again? If not, then focus on other things. Do other activities to divert your attention. Spend time with people. Don't go looking for someone else, give yourself time to heal and enjoy being single.
@mariaperalta (19094)
• Mexico
9 Nov 12
Of course after 2 years together it will take time to get over her. Just relax, and take walks and think about what you want to do now in your life. Good luck to you there.
9 Nov 12
hi esteria, expect for the worst in the coming days as it could even be harder. I know right now, you're still in a state of denial. this is the first reaction after the break up. Just keep a positive attitude and a sunny outlook. It will take time before you get over this break up. I suggest that you take your time to appreciate all the good things that you have in your life. Spend time with your family and friends, and do a lot of "me" time. Just enjoy yourself and learn from this experience. Good luck!:)
@chiyosan (30205)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
You need time. I think what you need to do is get busy and focus more on why you are abroad, was it for work? Then focus on work and just live one day at a time. it does and will hurt everytime you think about the person whom you put your trust into and loved so much that you are thinking of the future with her. I am sure you will find other people who would also be there for you and will be your partner. Just take it slow and let your wounds heal one at a time. You will eventually feel better as time goes by.
@scooter1024 (1243)
• United States
9 Nov 12
Breakups are hard to deal with. Surround yourself with friends and family. Give yourself time. I always found i had a process to go through to get past it. I had my feeling of hurt and then later it became anger at why the breakup took place. After I allowed myself to be mad at them I was finally able to get past it. So many people try to find comfort by jumping into a new relationship. It helps for awhile but then those relationships never last. Give yourself time to be happy and then you can make someone else happy. Don't rush into anything else.
@edvc77 (2143)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
They say you will overcome break up in three years. However, I think it will depend on the person. For some it will really be painful. My suggestion is that don't be alone; go with your family and friends always. And pray too. Don't think of her any longer. Accept thet you are not meant for each other. Acceptance is very important too. God Bless
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
The best way to get over a break up is to immerse yourself with more important things. There is no use crying over spilled milk. Just move on and hope that next time, you know better.