making friends with girls

@00fear (3203)
United States
November 11, 2012 2:41am CST
I wanted to ask for an advice for those who would not mind reading this long message, how do you become friends with girls? I mean just friends. I am not ready for a girlfriend now, but I do want to make friends who are girls (but try not to fall in love...not now at least). I know they are more to be treated with respect different than guys because they have different minds than guys...right? I don't mind if she has a boyfriend (people told me some will make just friends with guys even if they have a boyfriend some boyfriend don't mind either) and stuff, in fact if she does, I can also become friends with him too. I just want to act like myself enough where we may become just friends, not act like myself that will go beyond that. I just want to be in a group of friends who hangout weekends or every now and then, on free times during the week. I know about the "be yourself" but in this case, it might be different. I have never had friends before because of my own fault. I would be too shy expecting them to talk to me saying why am I too shy, locking in my room, and because I was the younger, I would let myself get spoiled that now, I act like "not my age (not, or hope I'm not, in an annoying way)," etc. until I got some advice from my dad and brothers, "hey, they can assume you are in a bad mood or something. And guys are the ones who has to be the ones to first talk to them." True, right? Is it possible to be friends with a smart, normal, regular person? I have this minor learning disability and a minor seizures that I just sit there stunt for 15sec but that's it I don't shake or anything like that. I got this from a meningitis I had when I was 9 month. I may need to be explained things in an easier way or multiple times, but that's all. Besides those two things, IF, by any chance there are things that "I may not be capable of doing," its not because of my disability but it will be because of LAZINESS. I can do a lot of things others can do, I know it...well, not everything. The only reason I asked is because this girl (who's close to my age and the one I want to be friends because of my age...I want to be friends with people my age...not younger than me anymore) who knows about my disability because she helps me write my notes in class, but because she knows, I know she won't accept me as friends. Especially since I screwed up, since the times I need to be taken notes by someone else is when a professor talks and expects us to know what part of what they are saying to write notes as he or she is saying or if they write a lot of words on the board and they erase to write more. This professor just writes a 3 step notes and that's it, just homework, something I'm capable of doing...But before I even knew she was just going to write little notes (I thought she would be like other professors), I had made the girl fill out forms and signed them and I didn't want to say anything when I knew that the professor wrote a tiny bit of notes because I didn't want it to be it was all for nothing. Anyways, because of that, in this case, now she'll know I'm that dumb, because she thinks I can't write a 3-step notes. Is it okay to be friends with them even if I talk Spanglish? I am a little darker skinned than her. She also speaks Spanish but doesn't speak it unless its necessary. I feel like because I speak Spanglish, I am more of a Mexican sounding than her, and feel because of that, I don't belong. Do friends have to have everything in common? I just feel like 2% out of 100% it will happen because of me noticing myself acting immature comments and jokes and I feel like if I try to act mature, I will fail in that. But I do want to learn to act mature. I don't act immature on purpose, I mean when there's something serious, I'll act serious, and sadness, I know not to make jokes, etc. What are the chances of that? Possible still? Like when I need to act mature, I will stay quiet and not talk when others are having fun and talking because I don't know what to say. Would they mind as long as I know when to stop (I do know my limits). How can I make great conversations? The only conversations I can come up with are the basic ones (hi, how are you, how's it going, etc), lame/immature comments (hey imagine if..., what would you do if..., so he falls down and breaks his ankle, imagine?, etc) and when I am asked something, the basic answers (yes, no, i don't know, maybe, etc). I mean I suck in talking about interesting things. Lastly, I found out that just like majority of the class, especially her friends and her, they all live in the same city, I live 15min away. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be friends with them because I live too far from them. Would they still consider me their close friends or be their favorite/important/etc (something) friend (the one who is "one of the first to know"), since I live too far when they only live like 5min away from each other? I feel like I won't be able to be considered close friends with them because unlike with me, they get to hangout often, do things like hangout at each other's place while me, I can only do it every now and then again because of how far I am from them. Or does this not make a difference? Any encouragements for this...please lol. I asked this here because it is the only place people either answer an honest comment and not those dumb replies, basically know the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," lol. Thanks
3 responses
• Philippines
11 Nov 12
You should stop worrying about what you did and what you didn't do or what other people think of you. It would be a little harder to make friends if you think that way. You should be able to look in the mirror with acceptance and not looking for flaws and worrying over them. What you think about yourself is crucial. If you think some person will think your dumb, then maybe you believe there's a reason some people should think that. And more often than not, people will tend to think of you as what you think about yourself. Stop worrying about what people think. Worry about what you think of yourself. And besides, most of the time, people only think of themselves. So they might forget about what you did or didn't do. A wise man once said. Those who mind doesn't matter and those who matter doesn't mind.
@00fear (3203)
• United States
12 Nov 12
Yea, it is exactly what I get. My brother told me, that if I keep thinking this way about myself, I will become my own worst enemy. Its just that it is my first time. And since it is the only class I was talkative with other students, I grew confidence in them.
• Philippines
14 Nov 12
I've struggled with this too, maybe even still. I only have one friend(not counting relatives, i.e, cousins, etc... )and haven't seen her since last month. And I'm super shy, I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. It's a good feeling when I do something that makes me more confident in myself.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
12 Nov 12
hello, 00fear! I think that to be able to gain friends, whether they are boys or girls is for you to be just yourself. Do not pretend like another person when you are not. Just by bringing out the best in you can attract people to befriend you. It is not that hard to make friends for as long as you also allow them to be part of your life. Your nationality, race or color should not be a hindrance in making friends. All the more it would be exciting to be with friends from different cultures coz you get to educate one another.
@00fear (3203)
• United States
12 Nov 12
lol, that's why I rather not to say anything whenever I don't know what to say so I won't be acting like a different person making a total fool out of himself lol. Yea, I do want them to be part of my life. Friends who like me and will encourage me whats best for me and give me advice and stuff. My brother did say he also has friends where they are different colors than them. I just don't know... lol. I guess only time will tell but I'll still keep trying with this person lol.
@natliegleb (5186)
• India
11 Nov 12
the factor is no more just because ,it all depends on how well you take that into perspective and girls are also equal nowadays
@00fear (3203)
• United States
12 Nov 12
yea, I thought girls are more sensitive than guys are so I assumed they probably don't take jokes like the way guys would. I thought it has to be in a different way.