real friendship or mutual understanding?

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Back in my highschool days i had this friend,male friend,we were very close to each other since first year until we graduated.he used to prefer sitting beside me the whole day of class rather than obeying our seatplan.he would talk about his duties as a big brother and as a grandchild to his grandparents where they are staying because his parents are away for work.we share our assignments which he dont do to others,he's kinda private person,he would ask permission to me when he is not feeling well and wanted to skip class,when i say i want you to be here,he will come.when i was out of class because im doing something for some sort of school activities he would get my notes and do the lectures for me and then he will bring home my notes to copy it and then the next morning he will give it back to me with letters at the back saying how happy he is to have me as his sister(he used to call me sis).yes,i admit i have a special feelings for him but i choose to hide it coz i dont want to lose the friendship.all of our classmates are guessing we are lovers including some of our teachers.when we have misunderstandings he will do everything just to make me forgive him and smile for him.he will write a letter or he will spend the whole day singing a song for me.before our graduation we promised to remain friends forever and he even said,one day we will see each other again,me having beards and bald head but dont you dare snob me,we will be friends forever.so we agreed.years past after graduation and we never seen each other since then.one time,after few years, i met his cousin and told me i how many times he cried for me.she said perhaps the reason why her cousin cant have a serious relationship is that he still love me.and i told her we were never been lovers and she couldnt even believe that.last year we became friends on facebook,together with some of our old schoolmates,we would chat all together in a groupchat,and there were times that they were teasing us but none of us are willing to comment about that.we dont even have private message to know how are we both doing with our lives.i felt both of us are trying to avoid to touch the topic of our past and our private lives.well,thats past,im just wondering why we are so aloof now,is it because we are both afraid to admit that what we had before is not just real friendship but a mutual understanding?