How would you feel if your bestfriend cares more about her boyfriend than you?
By nitakb
@nitakb (21)
United States
December 10, 2012 9:28pm CST
My bestfriend and I have been best friends for a while now, You could say that we are sister close up until like a year ago. She has a new boyfriend that she literally obsesses about. Like update her Facebook status everday about how in love she is and about how he's the love of her life obsessed. Don't get me wrong I am happy for her and want nothing but the best for her. Though she's basically ditched our friendship for this guy. I can't even talk to her about anything like we used to without her discussing it with her boyfriend; even if it what I tell her is personal she tells him. I know this because he always comes back and casually talkas about it like HE was the one I confided in. I try to ignore it but it bothers me because I would never do that to her. Period. When I ask her to go places, she insists that he come too all the time. She almost never has time to just chat or just listen. Its always that she is talking to the boyfriend..we go to different high schools, so we don't get to see each other. Of course they see each other everyday I feel like I'm overreacting, but I also feel like I've lost my bestfriend too. Its been a year now and its not getting any better. We barley talk and thats only when she has a problem or waiting to talk to the boyfriend. And when we are talking it's about the boyfriend and nothing else. Our friendship isn't the only thing failing, her studies are slipping also. This is unlike her. I'm worried about her..
How would you feel and what would you do?
3 people like this
7 responses
@jamieclavero (187)
• Philippines
11 Dec 12
basically she is puoring too much attention to her boyfriend bec she is inlove. and almost everyone do it when they are really inlove. you are her best friend. you and him are both important to her. you should not compare the attention that she was giving to you and to her lover bec you are two different aspect of her life.
@nitakb (21)
• United States
11 Dec 12
Thanks for the feedback. I know that I'm a different aspect of her life, no I shouldn't be comparing the attention she gives but I feel like she is slowly losing herself. This isn't the first time she has fallen head over heels for a guy. Honestly I just miss her, and hanging out with me and the rest of our friends. And telling her is like talking to a wall. I don't want her to be unhappy and miserable and out of love but still be a friend to everyone else instead of pushing us away..
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
11 Dec 12
i think i would not even dare to ask for time from a friend who has a boyfriend. i would feel sad that we are spending less time together... but then i would understand that she has her own life and possibly is building a relationship with this man to be her future... so i am in no way to feel otherwise but be happy for her and just always be here as a friend. I always believe that friends even if they do not spend as much time with each other as they used to be, and even if they are away... no matter how long it is, when they see each other they will always reconnect and be as they always were. as if no time or someone has separated them. =)
@nitakb (21)
• United States
11 Dec 12
Your comment is sweet. I do keep in mind that this could be her future husband. I think we'll connect again one day. I've never kicked her to the curb or talked against her and her relationships. I've stopped trying to spent time with her, have finally given up...Though I am still here when she needs me.
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
12 Dec 12
I have a group when I was in College and we're 11. We're goof friends but definitely, we have lives of our own. I've seen them fall in love and do silly things like your friend does. I do advice them once in a while if I see that things aren't that good anymore but it is really up to them to decide or consider my advice. Because I too have been inlove and I know the feeling that your world is like revolving around a single person. I too have done silly and crazy things for love and so I understand. I think that I don't feel much like you does at present because we're 11. The way I see it, the problem starts with your friend. I mean, does his boyfriend forced her to tell him everything you said to her? Or it is her own decision? I think that if someone told me personal things about her life, I won't tell anyone including my husband.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
11 Dec 12
Argh!!!
Your friend sounds so annoying! She's losing herself because of that guy, I think if they break up she'd be devastated. She should get herself back and spend some time away from her boyfriend. Her life shouldn't just revolve around him, she has her own life too!
I don't think you are over reacting, I know how you feel. There are friends who really are boyfriend dependent and it's difficult a problem to deal with because you don't want to hurt your friend.
I would talk to her privately. I'd tell that she should spend time with herself. She ought to have fun doing other things without her boyfriend. She and her boyfriend are together but that doesn't she has to lose her individuality. I don't think what she is doing is evil, but it can't be good for her in the long run.
tell her how you feel and that you are worried about her. Tell her that you are not against her boyfriend and that you respect their relationship and that you are concerned about her.
Besides, if she doesn't spend too much time with her boyfriend they will have more things to talk about when they meet.
And I think if I was the boyfriend... I'd get bored with a girl who fawns over me all the time, it's as if she doesn't have her own life.
@prashu228 (37525)
• India
11 Dec 12
Hi,
This is common ,i mean some people when they get in to any relationship ,forget about the others like friends especially. They concentrate more on their love.But this may cause some harm. They should not forget about others and their studies.I have friends who have done this.But lately they realized too much of concentration is not good for any of them.
Hope your friend realizes.
Hope your friend realizes.
@betty1989 (751)
• China
11 Dec 12
yes, your friend is in love. You know that when she is in love, she focuses evrything on her boyfriend. This will natually lead to what you are talking about is all her boyfriend and no more girls' talking like you do before. I am so sorry to hear that this situation lasts a year and her study is slipping. Try to tell her balance her time for study and love. If I am in your situation, I also feel I have lost a best friend since she may never focus on me. have a nice day.
@prashu228 (37525)
• India
11 Dec 12
yes we need to have balance on everything. we need others too especially good friends . I have been through this situation. But lately my friend realized.
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
11 Dec 12
I think i would feel left out and much the same as you do. However there is nothing you can do about it but take a step or two back from her so that she has plenty of space in which to indulge this relationship. Either she or he will tire of it or else they will get married. After the dust has settled she will see that she still has someone who loves and cares for her, you her old friend.
We all go through phases, perhaps one day the same thing will happen to you. Phases are great to be involved in but not when we are left out, so hang on and wait, she will go back to her old self eventually.
