The stay at home parent should do all the clean

Actually, in a marriage, you are the maid, wife, and mother. Having an equal relationship does not mean that all jobs are split down the middle. It means that each has equal responsibilities. He earns the money, you keep the house. Simple. It does not mean, either, that he can't help out with the chores when he can. But to expect him to put in a full work day then come home and work for several more hours doing things that could have already been done is unrealistic. And I did have two babies...14 months apart. I stayed home and took care of them and the house. My husband had a very physically demanding job, and I didn't expect him to help. He did, especially on his days off, and he spent quality time with the kids. And you stated you have occasional help. I truely don't understand what you expected out of your relationship. You said you are not a slave...well, neither is he.

I disagree with you I"m the maid i'm the mother and wife and because I'm home gives no body any right to make or tell me what I should or should do. Do you take care of two little ones that are 18 months apart? Just because one person is at home it doesn't mean they should be the one to do all the work that is a bunch of bs when people think they should do that. We aren't supper parents we are human being with feelings too and putting things on us like we are dogs or slaves that we because we are the ones home we need to do the cooking and the cleaning is wrong. The most important thing should be the kids that are home to play with them to have fun with them to raise them. If I clean the house myself it'll take all day or all night and then when do I eat, sleep, rest and get to have my own time never because you know how gets that time the man that goes to work. He does nothing but come home and sit his a$$ on the sofa. Nope sorry I'm not that kind of women if someone else wants to live that way my goodness good for them because I wouldn't stand for that for one mintue. I would take the kids leave. Because a partnership everything should be done almost always together the cooking and the cleaning. My husband he comes home from work he cooks, and clean. He doesn't do it every night because we take turns. But we do the cleaning always together that has been that way since the moment we where together and even more so now that we have kids.

See is see it as it doesn't matter how much or how little work you do it's not far to the other person just because they don't work or don't work as much as the other person do to all the cooking or cleaning. To me it's not matter what if your in my family you help out and it's down the center as much as possible. I don't care how little or a lot my husband works. He would work all day on his feet in a hot kitchen before and after our daughter was born many times double shifts for 12 plus hours come home help me out with all the cleaning and that is when we had a 2 bedroom a apartment now we have a 3 store town house that we rent and two kids. NO way in hell am i cleaning 3 floors by myself taking care of kids on my own and then doing all the cooking and cleaning not even my other mom friends would do that. We split down the center no matter what time of day he gets off of work. he comes home he will either rest then clean or clean right away with me and spend time with our kids. I don't demand it nor expect him to do so but he knows that it drives me nuts to do all the work and has seem me many times cry over doing it all or not doing it at all and how ti makes me feel like a bad wife or mother. I was raised where both do the work and when the kids are old enough they do some work in the house as well with no payment. If other families want to do something else that is all good in my book I don't tell them how to do there things there way but I don't like it when other's tell me how I should live my life to there liking and that it should be this way or that way. Sorry I don't live in there world I live in my own world and we take turns and share the load together.

Good point. They should look at the contributions each is making with respect and discuss which tasks they can each be responsible for. Every family is different.

That should be unrealistic , not realistic. I swear. My lot is eating some of the words I type.

Yeah I get a lot of people that say to me your home all day you should do have a spotless house and food for my husband. I tell them the same thing I told my grandmother when I was 18. If he has two arms, two legs and they work he can do it himself if he really wants to eat or something. I'm not prefect I know it and I don't even try in the day time to clean my house because my 22 month old will just put all the stuff back on the floor and it's a pain to even try with a 3 month old that is always eating and both kids are fighting for mommy's attention. When they both sleep at the same time, I'm sleeping. Before the end of the day all the house chores will be done but I'm not doing it all by myself it is done as a partnership with my husband by my side the way it should be.

I can agree with you on that mariaperalta depending on your partner and yourself you might want a different set up. I don't like feeling like I"m the one doing all the work on top of taking care of both kids so my husband knows that I don't clean when he isn't hear unless it's like food or clothes which are easy to do with to little ones needing you all of the time.

and now?

He get's his time and I get my time to unwind after everything is done and he gets more time to do things after he helps me out. After 9pm every night it's our time no kids both are normally a sleep well some times our 3 month old isn't a sleep but we take turns watching him so the other can do what they need to do. I don't think it's far for me and for others to tell me that it's my job as the stay at home mom to do all these things just because my husband works. No partnership is very perfectly equal down the middle but it's as close as it should get. I don't tell me husband he has to do things I ask him to do them so that way I don't get all worked up and stressed out. There isn't enough time in the day and if I do all the cleaning I"ll be doing it all day long and then my oldest kid will go right behind me and make more messes and then I have to re clean them so why try to clean the mess up when it's just going to be back on the floor in less then 5 minutes after mommy picks it up. Instead I wait till she goes to bed and then we do it. The house whole chores have always be divide before our little ones where born. He had more things to do when I was pregnant because there was some things I just couldn't do any more or I was put on bed rest and I was told I couldn't do anything but lay, and eat. He does pretty much half. I always take care of the kids and do the laudary, we take turns putting the little ones to do bed, take turn with the dish and the trash, we both do the cleaning of the house meaning all the picking up and sweeping and vaccuming. I always give the kids baths but that is there speical time with mommy like there special time with daddy is in the morning. The only way I bring money into the house is doing things online to make very little money.But that is just how me and my husband like it. We are poor but happy and I don't like people telling me how i should live my life or this is how I should do things because it doesn't fit there way of life.

Since you posted your situation, I thought that I was invited to comment. If you look at my language, I wasn't telling you how you should or shouldn't do things, I was just telling you what I thought. Actually, after looking over my post again, I don't think I said anything about you telling your husband to do or not do anything. I just said that you should respect each other's contribution. You can appreciate that he works all day to help provide money for the family. He can appreciate that you do a lot of the household tasks and taking care of the children. You both should get a break. Just as you are not making as much money as he is making, you are still helping him by contributing through your online earnings. Just as he is not doing nearly as much household work as you are doing, he is helping with some tasks. If you don't feel that it's enough, talk to him about changing your arrangement. They are his kids too and I am glad to hear that they are getting some "daddy time".

Who would I stop someone from participating in a discussion I don't have that power at all. Well maybe not in this discussion is there but i never said that it was people here on mylot that are saying that I should but I don't like then people say that because someone works more then the other they don't have to do more at home then the other person that does less. Nor do I like it when people address my family life should be which has happened many times in my life. Just because I start a discussion it doesn't mean that it's about someone in mine it can be about anything in general over time that I have witness or been told. Weather someone says something or not is up to them and how they say it will reflex how other read it and if they address me as me with my name then it means they are talking to me. How others live there life is fine. I state how I feel as I won't let my husband weather he works how ever many hours or not he helps out because he wants to or else he'll seem do a melt down which isn't to fun to see.

That sucks your husband having to work 2 jobs. My husband works on sucky job while he waits to get something better but they give him full time hours even though he is just part time. He is really good with people so it's not hard for him to get okay jobs. I'm not ready to leave my little ones just yet especially my son since he is only 17 weeks old.

I agree with you because a relationship is a partnership and it should be down the middle as closely as it can get to where one doesn't do it all themselves. The one part I disagree on is where you say if the person works a lot then the other should do most or all of it and that isn't fair at all because the other does less then them it shouldn't mean the other gets in titled to do less work. It should still be the same even if they work less or more then you.

Yep that is how I feel. I do all the raising and everything and it just sucks when I have to do it myself so I don't do it myself. I take care of the kids all day and some times all night so I just wait for my husband to get home and we do all the cleaning together unless I feel like cleaning which isn't often.

I'm glad that is how you two work. I hate doing everything so I don't do everything and I wait till hubby gets home from work. He works part time at the mall so each week it's a different time when he has to be at the mall to work. We can eat out that much because of bills and the things the kids need. I hate cleaning and so does my husband so he knows well it's a two some thing he does the kids do some cleaning well our oldest tries to pick up her things but she doesn't always so I do it or hubby does it when she goes to sleep. I also hate cooking which is why we take turns so then we both don't complain about getting stuck doing it. He takes the trash out and I do the clothes. I do it all all of the time and wash the kids. I'm even potty training our daughter but when it comes to our son that is all him.

It doesn't matter what time of day or what time my husband works at he knows when he gets home there is cleaning to do and on his day off we clean together the whole house when the kids are napping. It's never done by one of us.

Well kids can't do household chores right away so that doesn't work in all families till the kids are older enough to do things. Kids should learn how to help out in the house once then can do something probably starting with there own toys. My parents taught me that both husband and wife clean the house and not just one of them does it all of the time.

If both people are working of course it'll be different. But right now it's about one working and one being home. Either way I think and feel at least with me and my family weather we where both work or one of us just working like it is that both of us should do the house hold chores and not just one of us. I find that unfar that one does it all and the other doesn't do much of anything at all besides making the money