Relatives & Other People...Why Oh Why!

@ckyera (17261)
Philippines
December 22, 2012 5:44am CST
As I observed with some of our relatives, both in my side and my husband's side, I notice that most of them are much better in helping other people than their own relatives... I wonder why and asking why oh why things are like that? haha Its like when someone in the family is in need, they need to ask them and hear something that well e don't really want to hear or something that will make us feel like we don't want to ask their help anymore (specially in financial matters) But hen it comes to other people...hmmm even without asking they give! Do you have relatives like them too? I am really thinking hy is this so...hat's the purpose? Are other people better than their relatives? In my opinion I think we should help our relatives first more than anybody else... hehe
3 people like this
7 responses
@Mavic123456 (9702)
• Thailand
22 Dec 12
Charity begins at home. Yes, this is true, that you offer and extend hands to first people nearest to you when they need to be lifted and to be saved. However, sometimes, in some scenarios, relatives just took advantage of generous another relative. I know some family issues that these happen. unfortunately the one who is helping put in a very compromising situation and turn out to be the bad ones. There is also some instances when the needy relatives will think that they don't need to find for other solutions to their problems because there will be someone in the family that will help them anyway. But if helping others just to glorify self, then those are not good intention and motives.
1 person likes this
• Thailand
23 Dec 12
that's exactly my point. A person can just do so much and yet some people would still want to get something from him/her, thinking that this person is just sparing the extras. Yet somehow, everybody is not pleased, that's the sad part. At least there are the likes of you and your family who looked up to her now as a generous woman and you remembered her the loving grandma. That will surely give her a big smile after all. It is not important if all will be pleased just because they got something from the poor woman, it is more important that a few will be pleased with sincerity in their hearts. whew.. I thought I looked like your grandma. LOL
• Philippines
22 Dec 12
Honestly I don't know the perfect answer for that we have the same situation .. ever since, My aunt gets mad to my mother till now when my mother argue to her friendS.Everyday was emotionally torture. She keep on gossiping about my mother. while when she was in trouble my mother is the only one who save and rescue her.When she was in misery no friends help her all her friends judge her and ignore her. It s my mother who doesn't leave her.Although my mother usually nag but her heart is big.Now she recovered again from such situation Now as usually when she was in good situation she gain new friends whom she always treat, feed and let stay with her house although almost all is just fooling her and only wants to get money from her. Now she ignore my mother treat like a rag again. she helped many friends ever since without anything in return. but You know when she help my mother before but with limitation and you must put something in return like "labor".she only a user .. sometimes you know I feel like killing her for her evilness. but since I don't want to go to hell and I know I will be in prison and she is still my aunt.I still control my emotion.Even to us her niece she treated us like that.she is very open in helping others than us. and whenever we fall she is not affected.It seems like she is happy. I am also there when she was in vain. I give all the best i can do always to help her. but he never care for what what we have done to her.but still other people is important to her.She'd never learned for what happened to her. haven't she realize if she comeback to such worst situation again we are still here- her family who will still support and protect her. but you see. how evilness she come back. I don't know if her heart do function normally or how can i also answer your question.i DON'T know what kind of Psychiatric disease is this because this is not normal. but I am sure she don't have conscience.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
22 Dec 12
So sad to hear about your aunt, but yes I also understand your sentiments, someone in my husband's family, well even in my family is also like that, they just seem to remember us when they need something, I remember when something happens to my husband's niece, its my husband whom the call right away to ask for help, but now, that they are in good situation, well they don't remember my husband, the last time they have a vacation here in our country, at first they call my husband because they want to ask a favor... but after that, no more calls, they took their vacation here and go back abroad and still no call! Well we are not asking anything from them, but for me, why is it that they always make sure that they have something to give with other people than with the person whom they always call in time of their troubles... They are not really that bad coz they also give us something, sometimes...but that is when we asked for it, but then again, before they give it, they will say a lot of things first... that make me feel ashamed...
• Philippines
22 Dec 12
that's the same here.i receive a lot of insult even to my family before she give something and then tell it to other people what she have done to us, even that person is not so close to her.I think if she is a writer she will also right it down what she have done.She loved when people praise her for what she have done. AS i notice. but anyway I also thank that She make me realize what do I don't want to be.and I don't want to be like her.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
23 Dec 12
Oh that's really bad, telling their "good deeds" to other people... for what? to brag? to get praises? I only wish that time will come for them to realize how bad they are doing with their family members and that at the end...when everything seems to be so wrong in their life, it's their family members who will stay with them...and these people that they are helping now, will left them with nothing...
@Sreekala (22860)
• India
22 Dec 12
ha ha There is no such rule dear, we help our relatives first and then think about others. Moreover, it depends on our relationship. All may say, blood is thicker than water so the blood relation is stronger. But in my opinion love and concern is the first thing to measure. If some people are there as our relatives never care us then what? So I have so many people in my life in this way. Even with my hubby, some keep on constant touch even they are distant relatives, but these distant relatives have close relatives, why they choose my hubby's comfort. So it is very clear, people will be stay where they get love, concern and respect. If the relatives are good and caring we won't think twice to help them in their needs.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
22 Dec 12
Well, I agree with you that there's no such rule in life, but in my observation, most of the time some of our relatives seems to give easily to other people than to their relatives even if they are also in good relation with them. Sometimes, I feel like, its not really helping that they are doing but bragging... hehe or maybe they just don't like other people to have a bad say about them... It really holds true with one of my uncle... you know, when some relatives ask for something, he will always say no and that he don't have money and he has lots of things that needs to settle first...but when some of his classmates before came to him and ask for some solicit...without second thought he gives right away! And what's funny is that, the amount that he gave them is bigger than the amount his family member is asking!
• Thailand
22 Dec 12
I agree with Sreekala, nothing about blood relations. but if it is about bragging of their "good deeds" well that's really annoying and questionable.
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
22 Dec 12
hello amiga I am grateful that I don't have relatives around me. No- I am not saying that I am proud of it, but just like what you wrote- sometimes it hurts when our relatives neglects to help us. In my situation, I live far from my family and relatives. But I am thankful that my family is always there when I needed them. I also have friends who never let me down- I can say that I am very lucky to have friends whom I can rely on in times of trouble. I don't even need to say a word to ask for their help. They always come on time- as if they feel that I needed them. Same thing my family- my mom is always supportive- ever since and until now. I know that it hurts when the first people we think will help us- are the ones who are pushing us down. I hope you are fine...and doing great my dear
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
23 Dec 12
Hi Jaiho! Then all I can say is that you are indeed lucky! Maybe because you are also a good & ever supportive friend to them as well... I don't have problem with my parents as well same with my brother, because I know that even if they don't have much, they are very much willing to extend their help to me and to my husband to the best that they can. Remember my post about my brother? That when I told him that I need a certain amount, he's more than willing to send me the amount that I needed without him asking why or to where I'm gonna use that... MY sentiments is for some other relatives, who seems to be always ready to help other people but always says no or always have an excuse when it comes to other family members... Don't worry amiga, I am okay despite all these sentiments that I have now. Mylot is really very helpful in times like this because it serves as an outlet for my feelings that I can't express personally...
• United States
22 Dec 12
I think that family members should care for other family members without asking questions and without waiting to be asked. I also think that any church affliation the person has, should also be a source of help. If one attends church, synagogue, or the temple, then I think fellow worshippers should be tuned in enough to know if they need some type of assistance and should render that assistance without waiting for the person to ask. We should also do our aide without expecting any kind of payment or praise. This should be considered a normal part of our life. Historically, the worst thing that could happen to a person was to be bereft of family. Survival depended on having others to help. We should still have that as part of our lives even though one can now exist without aide due to the charity care our society has.
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
23 Dec 12
I think that's the real spirit of helping... giving without expecting anything in return. I am so glad that the church that I am with is very helpful and supportive to each and every member. The church extends its help not only to its members but to other people as well who are in need, specially those who are being hit by typhoons, earthquakes and the likes.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
24 Dec 12
This is the very reason why ever since, my family and i are never dependent on relatives. It was never our relatives who helped us in our most needed times... It was more of my mother's best friend that has helped us through. I think manny relatives would not want to help with their fear that you get to depend on them altogether and since you are relatives you won't be shy to extend the favor and so on.. (just my opinion though).
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
25 Dec 12
Hi Chiyosan! Maybe that's really one thing, and also maybe they are scared that their relatives will not pay them. hehe Its just sad to think that some relatives think that way, specially hen they can extend their help to other people why not to their relatives right?
@surekharathi (14134)
• India
24 Dec 12
My FIL has same habit whenever any family members need anything not only money but for any work then they are ready for helping. But my danger and sweet hubby and I also ask him why you do this for all but they will not help us if required wait and watch.