Not even a phone call....
@macdingolinger (10386)
United States
December 25, 2012 6:26pm CST
Most of you who know me know that I am a caregiver for my adult son who was seriously injured in an automobile accident four years ago. I moved him back close to family so they could supposedly help me and to make it easier for my son to be around familiar people. I took my son to my daughter's house on November 3, 2012 for my grandson's birthday party and he saw his dad while we were there. Since then.. his dad has not even so much as called him. That's right - nearly 2 months now and his dad didn't call for Thanksgiving, or Christmas either as of right now...I really do not understand how he can just ignore his son. I have stopped asking him to sit for me when I have a race because I want to see how long before he initiates contact with our son. It's very sad to me.. why do you think he just ignores his own son?
3 people like this
7 responses
@laken02 (3065)
• United States
26 Dec 12
im so sorry you are going thru this you and your son.. i know what it is like when people let you down.. it is so hard to understand how people that you once loved
can just walk away.. but just have peace knowing that one day things will get better.. there is a season for everything.. i wish you and your son the best and just know you are not alone... im dealing with similar issues.. myself.. your sons father is being a jerk and only thinking of him self has he remarried ? are you dating again do you think that one day there could be a new guy in your future
that could accept your son and love him too.. just a thoguht.. i know its hard but im trying to move on as well..
1 person likes this
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
26 Dec 12
You asked some very good questions! I do feel very alone - especially today but perhaps it will pass. He remarried as soon as our divorce was final and it was legal for him to do so. He has since left her in the last couple of years and has a new girlfriend although he is not divorced yet from wife #2. I cannot imagine someone being interested in me with all this baggage.. and there's really no way for me to meet anyone since I rarely get out to do anything remotely social. Wouldn't even know how to "date!" lol.. it's been so long!
1 person likes this
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
26 Dec 12
I am so sorry to hear about your precious grandson. I will pray that you all have strength to make it through the coming weeks...I know you have to be strong for your daughter, but remember to allow yourself to grieve too. Will be praying...
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
26 Dec 12
That is so sad to hear. Ok it could be two reasons why he ignores his son. One being and I don't mean to be cruel but maybe he just doesn't care. Or the second reason is he could be so upset deep inside to see his son in this condition that he can't deal with it. I'm really hoping its the lather. You need to talk to him to find out why he would let holidays especially go by without so much as a phone call? I find it so heartbreaking to hear this. If its because it hard for him he needs to man up and do the right thing and tell his son how he really truly feels. It could open up a new and wonderful relationship between father and son.
1 person likes this
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
26 Dec 12
That is very sad that he is so selfish. One day though when he is old, gray and alone he will wish he had done things differently. My ex has seven kids from different women and none of them were there to celebrate for the holidays. He was all alone and I'm sure very lonely. I can't imagine having a child and not communicating with them all the time.
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
26 Dec 12
I don't have the choice of closing my eyes to the situation. I see my son at his worse and I see him when he makes progress and none of it is easy.. my ex is only concerned for himself - that's always been the problem. He intends on making himself and no one else comfortable. Sad really because my son still needs to hear from his "father."
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (85662)
• United States
27 Dec 12
Well, I answered this yesterday with a long response. Mylot then decided not to post it. Which is very irksome. I would ask him to sit and watch your son so he would be forced to interact with him. I'm tired of hearing the excuse that maybe it just hurts too much for that person to see someone they love in that bad of shape. That's a horrible excuse (one people give my sister for not helping out with my mom). It shouldn't just fall on your shoulders. I'd like to knock some sense into your ex.
1 person likes this
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
27 Dec 12
I used to ask him to help out frequently. He seemed to get really busy. lol! I decided I'd made it 19 years post divorce and I was not going to let him bring that amount of stress back into my life. Instead I pay someone to sit with my son and just wait to see how long it takes him to want to see him. I just hate being dependent on him for anything so I chose independence.. don't ask him for a thing! I'd like to knock some sense into him too - but of course he would just be the "victim" again!
@changjiangzhibin89 (16541)
• China
26 Dec 12
It sounds a bit abnormal.You son's Dad should have known what he has done could hurt your feelings seriously,especially your son,what would he think of ? I wonder what on earth has happened on your grandson's birthday party so that your son's Dad was displeased and does so.
1 person likes this
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
26 Dec 12
We have been divorced for many years so it really doesn't hurt my feelings, I just feel bad for my son that his dad doesn't come to see him more often. Nothing happened at the birthday party, it had been a couple of months since his dad had seen him then too. He did not go out of his way to see him then, he lives on the same property so he just happened to be there and it was easy for him to see his son.
@changjiangzhibin89 (16541)
• China
27 Dec 12
No matter what has happened,he shouldn't ignore his own son who is already disabled due to a car accident.
@rubyroy (824)
• India
26 Dec 12
People are reluctant to face painful situation,even if ther are closely related.The Good News is our maker is not.So have faith in him to entrust your Son and various relationship problems you are facing.He will open a way for your needs.Keep on praying.
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
26 Dec 12
True. I just feel badly for my son who needs to see his dad and hear his voice now and then. I have been very happily divorced for over 19 years now! Won't do that again, I have no relationship! lol 
@hoseasmate (720)
• United States
26 Dec 12
Well I'm guessin that at this late hour that he will not call or come by to see his son. Didn't he send a present for his son? If he didn't even send a prsent to his son that is not excusable! I'm sure it's not easy for him to see his son disabled, but think of what he is missing! It is his loss to miss out on the recovery process and to celebrate with you and your son each accomplishment. It's kinda like an absentee father who misses all the child's first steps, first words, etc. Men and some women have been abandoning their children for ages and have no contact. My husband left me and his children and never looked back. He has never initiated any contact with either. It truly is his loss. I'm sorry that you feel the loss for your son. I know that it would be good for his recovery to hear his dad's voice. But, alas, I know that he will be fine and so will you!
1 person likes this
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
26 Dec 12
Gift! REally? Not a thing - no gift! It's not easy for me to see my son disabled either.. but I do like it when he makes progress and it's too bad that his dad misses out on those things too. I removed him as a friend on facebook so he can't see anything there - thought maybe he'd call to find out information. I think my daughter tells him about my son's progress though...
@Belle_of_the_Ball (896)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
I don't know your husband personally so I don't want to come up with negative conclusions about actions.However,if I were in your shoes, I would also feel bad that he ignores our son considering that the latter is not in favorable health condition.
Your topic reminds me of what my mom often tells me, "Fathers can't be mothers." No one can ever equate a mother's love not even his own Father.
@Belle_of_the_Ball (896)
• Philippines
26 Dec 12
Let me reconstruct my sentence, "No one can ever equate a mother's love not even one's own father." I am not sure if I got myself clear but what I am trying to say is, even our own fathers cannot give the same amount of affection,love and care like our mothers do. I hope I got my message across clearly this time lols.
1 person likes this
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
26 Dec 12
lol! I understand what you mean fully. I am no longer married to him for much this same reason actually. I just would think that at least during the holidays he would want to come see his own son or at least call and tell him, "Merry Christmas." Or just tell him that he loves him. I can't expect him to take care of my son - he has never done that - but he could at least acknowledge that he's still alive and needs to hear his voice now and then!
