my friend's father

Philippines
January 10, 2013 11:27pm CST
hello! me and my friend had a serious talk last three days. my friend was so sad and looked so stress. my friend had a family problem. one night her father arrived at their home drunk. her father and mother had a fight (she didn't told me what was the cause of their fight) so, her father became uncontrollable and started wrecking things. so, her mom decided to take her and other siblings away from their father. i just felt so sad about what happen and i don't know how to give her advice. i just told her to stay strong and that's all. i know she misses her father sometimes but she don't have any courage yet to call or to text. what would you do if you are in her position? what advice would you give if i were you?
3 people like this
7 responses
@deazil (4556)
• United States
11 Jan 13
If your friend's father has a drinking problem there is not much she can do in that respect. She should stay close to her mother and understand that this must be very upsetting for her as well. She could call her father just to tell him she wants too know how he is. The best thing she can do is to help her mother as much as possible. You're a good friend and can help her by letting her know she can talk to you. Just being there for her is a big help. She needs to keep her daily routine and try to keep her parents troubles from affecting her as much as possible. I know that's hard but you can help her. When parents have problems like this the children are always the ones most hurt by it. Be there to support her and listen, make sure she knows this. And, as dainy1313 said (above), do some fun things just to get her mind off it for a while. These are the things I would do in your position and in hers.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Jan 13
I am sure her father does not have drinking problems, but her father is really a hot tempered man.
@kokomo (1868)
• Philippines
11 Jan 13
I also experienced that when I was still a kid. I think it was one of my worst experience. My father and mother were quarreling and we were been crying at the corner.My father was not drunk and it is early in the morning. I did not understand what they were fighting for before. I think it was intense because to the extent that we need to move to other house. My mother brought us all,I and siblings. The only thing that I remember was , we move back to our own house and my parents were talked heart by heart. So all is well again. I think her parents are the one who can resolve their problem.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Jan 13
I also hope the same thing for her that her parents would reconcile again. :) thankgs by the way.
1 person likes this
• China
11 Jan 13
I think you need to give her a lot of courage and confidence. If i were her, I will talk with my parents respectively, and find out the reason for the quarrel. And then i will try to calm them down and find some chances for them to recover the relationship.
1 person likes this
@dainy1313 (2354)
• Leon, Mexico
11 Jan 13
Hello Effinmuffin you are a good friend. Your friend remembers me my mother. My mother suffered similar situation in her home. It´s very sad when drunk people hurts physicall or emotional anybody else. I think the best you can do is to talk with her about school, or about friends, or taking an icecream together. It´s not easy when parents have a fight. Just try to help her focus on the daily school duties and responsibilities. Blessings Effin... dainy
• Philippines
12 Jan 13
Thank you for the advice. :) i hope she'll get over with it. I know she's not still okay even though she's telling me she is. I think i'll invite her to have massage with me thist week. Thank you again dainy.
1 person likes this
• India
7 Feb 13
Thanks for sharing. Good friends help each other console each other in moments of stress and sadness; a friend in need is a friend in deed .
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
24 Jan 13
Me, being the eldest, would surely try to patch things up. But prior to that, I would ask my mom the reason of their arguments. Then I would talk to my father.
@ZoeJoy (1395)
• United States
17 Jan 13
Sounds like she needs a friend, so its good that you are her friend. It is indeed a heartache situation. You gave her the right advise - stay strong. If I were you, I would advise her to text her father or write him a letter. Perhaps not talk to him on the phone as yet. Let him cool down. Sometimes a parent can change his or her ways for the better when they realize how much they have hurt their own children. So, I would advise her to write to her dad. If he doesn't respond, at least, she had made the effort to reach out to him. If she decides she would like to meet him, it would be best to meet him in a neutral place, such as a restaurant. Most children, and this goes for adult children, do want to stay connected and bonded with their parents - so, she probably wants to find a way to stay connected to both her parents and not take sides. Perhaps she can help him get the help he needs to stop drinking. It's sad when a child has to help a parent but sometimes, that is way it has to work out for the better. All the best to your friend and her family.