The Bid "D" word in a marriage,woman's perspective needed !

I am not an expert on this, but there is a theory on relationships that a couple can get into a pattern of arguments, where they both adopt positions, quite often based on the relationships styles they had with their parents, as children, and just carry on repeating these patterns of behaviour. if you don't want to get divorced, then the best thing you can do is apologise, and look at how you both argue, if you can find someone qualified as a relationship counsellor that would be the best way, but otherwise you can read about it. its all to do with how we learnt to argue as children, and we continue with those patterns in adulthood, so its just escaping from them, and listening more to what the other person has to say, and not adopting the automatic response. here's a link to some information, I don't how reliable it is, but the last paragraph talks about the unresolved aspect of arguing. http://www.relationships-explained.com/pages/arguments.html sometimes people marry the wrong person, and then they should get divorced, sometimes people marry the right person, but problems can arise. Seeing as the divorce threat was made in the heat of the moment in response to something you had said, I would think that you fall into second category, rather than the first, in that it is a good relationship really, but you are arguing too much. so if you try and sort out the issues then things should improve.

I've been married just over 15 yrs and my hubby and I have had several arguments. I think most married people do. Unfortunaly one of the things that we do when we argue is say things that we don't mean in the heat of anger. The only one who knows if your wife was really serious about a divorce is her. Think it best that you both wait until the situation calms down and then talk it out. The threat is out there so I wouldn't think that it should be ignored. Whether she meant it or not I don't think is the point. More so the point is why she felt that way. I think you need so talk about what the arguement was about to begin with. Only not when you are both so upset that you say thing unintentionally. Hope you and your wife work things out.

It is a major decision of course. And I think that you should re-assess the whole situation before finally deciding to file a divorce, I mean, think of what caused your argument. Is it worth it to be the cause of your divorce? Is it something that you are ready face?

I'm not a married person and I'm not sure if I have the qualification to respond here knowing that this issue is not just normal thing. I consider my father as my best role model and I really look up to him. I always listen to him when he gives advices to other people. I once heard him say that 'divorce is never the right decision' to solve problems like this. At my age now, I found my self agreeing to what he said. In the first place, just my thought, there should be no divorce because when the marriage happened, there was the intervention of God and this should not be broken. I know this issue is not that easy as I think and there's a lot of things to be considered. I just hope that whatever is holding you guys back to talk or to fix everything, just let it all go away and seriously talk it out. I suppose you are the man so maybe your woman is waiting for your first move already.

It doesn't matter how serious any other woman was when she threatened getting a divorce during an argument. What matters is how serious your wife was when she said it to you. You're not going to find that out by asking third parties about their experiences, so quit speculating and go talk to your wife. It's probably going to be an awkward conversation, but things between you are just going to get worse if you don't communicate with each other.

Since about half of marriages end up in divorce, if you are asking the general public, then there could be a 50 percent chance that married ladies are indeed serious about divorce. But, it isn't 'married ladies' that is your concern, it is your own WIFE that you need to be concerned about. Since you said something that you regretted to say, and pushed it tooo far, then she replied with an answer that only makes sense, she replied with an answer that was pushed tooo far, as well. You both ended up on the same LOW level in an argument. You both need to talk to each other. She is not 'married ladies' she is YOUR wife. You also need to apologize to her. And then, promise her - even in the heat of an argument, never to say something that you will regret. And yes, I am speaking as a married woman, my husband and I have been married for 26 years. When we were first married, after several arguments when we did say things to each other that were hurtful, we sat down and make some ground rules. We made ground rules about how we were going to argue with each other and what is or is not acceptable. One; we never are allowed to personally attack each other. Two; we talk things over afterwards and don't go to bed angry with each other. Sometimes, we had stayed up all night discussing things or cooling off because we had made this rule. :) There are other ground rules but you get the picture. Couples do NOT need to argue to the point of saying things that they will regret. Marriage is about love but also about RESPECT. Yep, even being respectful during the times, when not agreeing with each other, upset with each other or even when arguing. Apologize and tell her that you will be more loving but also, more respectful towards her. Reassure her that you will always treat her with kindness and consideration, because you don't ever want to have to contemplate the 'D' word again. And then buy her a dozen roses. :)

Shame man! You really need to sit down with her and apologize for what you said to her - please. Sometimes women want their husbands' attention and then say the wrong things too. I am sure she is feeling pretty bad for using the 'D' word. She wanted to shock you... she did not mean it...please go talk to her...