Mindfullness when speaking

January 24, 2013 12:01pm CST
It happens so often. Most of the time my mouth is faster than my brain and words come out and then I later regret the things I said. Sometime the words that come out are only partly true and sometime they can be hurtful, words that divide hearts. One of the time I told my sister that there was monk who pulled a chick from a mother chicken's tummy and as a result the legs got broken. I become ashamed when my sister corrected me that chicks come from eggs. Then I have to say, oh maybe it's the cat and not chicken. That was when I was excited to share everything and anything about Buddhism. How often does do you lose control of being mindful when speaking? Are you a careful speaking? My elders taught me that before I say something i must think about the words seven times and curve my tongues seven times. And here is my great fault. When I am angry at someone I usually forget to think before I talk and most of the words that come out are criticisms. My opponents don't like criticisms. As result, things get out of control. When I'm angry, it's like I'm someone protesting about unfairness in the world. And my listeners don't like my tones, my attitudes, and they don't even think I have the right to be that angry. I'm angry at them and they get angry at me in return. Words can be hurtful. I found a sign online that says: Before you speak, think T-Is it the truth? H-Is it helpful? I-Is it inspiring? N-Is it necessary? K-Is it kind? What do you think of the sign? I am using it often so now I'm more mindful when I'm talking. I also have to remember that words are not permanent because they come and go and they are not universal. For example, talking Vietnamese to some English speakers and you will find out you are the only one speaking and listening. Aware of this, when someone say hurtful things to me I just have to remember, that don't they don't mean it. It's the situation getting out of control for them that make them act that way. Maybe it habits, maybe it's cultural learning that they had acquired. My parents and I disagree because of generation differences. When the situation is gone, that person is nice again. What's help you to be a good speaker? Please share.
2 responses
25 Jan 13
The fact that sometimes our mouths speak faster than our brains doesn't necessarily mean we meant to hurt others. We only need to remember that next time we speak,we should stop,take a deep breathe and reconsider what we are about to say before we actually say it. Sometimes the consequences are much more drastic than we expected,but just remember to take it slow.
25 Jan 13
Thank you for advice Moonchild0207. That's right, I don't mean to say anything hurtful. It's just that I have a habit of impulsiveness and this habit can be out of control when I feel like I have to stand up for myself. But I'm learning to not talk when I'm upset, and I'm getting there. I'm learning that I should just walk away, lie down, and think things through when I'm upset. And I guess a little white lie sometime is fine. What do you do when you feel like you really have to speak out because you are worry or scare about something or someone? In that case, how do you calm down first before you speak? Because in that case of course my voice will be louder than unusual. That's the questions I've been asking people a lot lately. Thanks for. I hope you can give me some tips.
@doroffee (4230)
• Hungary
24 Jan 13
Oh, I love this acronym! I'm going to use it. But I usually think it over before I say something, because I'm a serious overanalyser when it comes to anything, so when ut comes to talking to people, to. So I know the consequences, and I know better than hurting people. I try to analyse people, so I know how to behave towards them, and what my attitude towards them should be like.
25 Jan 13
You use acronym? That's so cool. Give me some examples. It's a good idea to analyze people before talking to them. How long had you practice this? I keep forgetting to analyze the people close to me, but I'm proper when I'm in formal setting because I feel that the people or so busy don't have much time to chit chat. Thank you maybe you can give me a few tips on analyzing people.