Was I wrong

United States
February 10, 2013 1:48pm CST
I have this friend who is in love with a guy that lives in Colorado and she lives in Missouri. They used to know each other in Colorado before she moved to Missouri. Any way nearly 2 months ago he was here for business and wanted to see her and so she went to his hotel for the night and she said all they did was talk. Then the next day he goes home and they chat for a bit on fb and he calls her one time and then never chats on fb or calls her or texts her or writes her a letter nothing and its been nearly 2 months now. she says he doesn't call or chat with her because hes living with his brother in his brother's house and his brother doesn't want him to have anything to do with her because his brother doesn't like her so he cant even chat on fb with her. Well last night i got on fb to chat with her and told her i think she should move on because it's been nearly 2 months and he hasn't called hasn't chatted wont add her to his friends list wont write to her nothing. I told her he could use his cell to call her or go to pat phone outside his brother's house to call tell hs brother hes going away for business and come see her and write her a letter and just go to the post office to mail it so his brother wont know. I told her there ar so many ways he can contact her that his brother won't know about and since hes doing none of it you need to move on because your wasting your time waiting for him and hes hurting you. She then went on to tell me all her othe friends have said it'll be ok and he'll call and been behind her and not told her to move on. What i want to know is was i wrong to tell her to move on or should i have just said anything she wanted to hear to keep my best friend. she took me offf her fb friends list and wont answer my phone calls either. I don't want to lose her as a friend forever we were so close like sisters. Was i wrong and what should i do?
2 people like this
9 responses
@jenny1015 (13390)
• Philippines
10 Feb 13
I would have probably said exactly as you told.her. I wouldn't want to l let her hopes up when it is clear that the guy is not that inteterested with her. How old is the guy anyway, that he had to seek approval from his brother? If a msn is into yoy, he would do absolutely evetything just to be with you. But with this guy, it is obvious that he is not.
• United States
10 Feb 13
My friend told me jenny that hes living with is brother and his brother doesn't like her and if he chats with her hell be kicked out of the house. Now i hear the guy is paying for the internet so i think he should be able to chat with her on there if he wants to and even tho it's his brothers house chatting isn't doing anything wrong so why should his brother care. Also the guy has a cell phone that he can leave the house with to call her so her brother wont find out or he could call her from a pay phone or go to the post office and mail a letter to her but he does nothing and i think living at his brothers house is just an excuse.
@jenny1015 (13390)
• Philippines
10 Feb 13
Exactly! He can mske ways if he really wanted to get in touch witb her. But he didn't mske any efforts. So it only goes to show that the attraction they had was only for that moment they had.
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
10 Feb 13
What kind of man would allow his brother to dictate to him who he should speak to on FB? He's lying as he is married or has a live in girl friend. If he wanted to contact her then he would have. Your friend is being very foolish and is just living in hope that he will contact her. He won't. Very unlikely and you did the right thing by telling her the truth.
• United States
10 Feb 13
Now my friend has re added me as friend on face book but when i asked why she wont answer. Not sure even if she got the message or not but i'm curious what changed from a few hrs ago when she took me off her friends list to when she added me now.
• United States
10 Feb 13
That is messed up what she has done to you. You are a true friend speaking the truth. The fact of the matter is that he probably has a girlfriend and does not want her to know. It don't seem that she is looking at the big picture. I mean I would have to question what he is hiding from her not letting her be his fb friend. Sounds like he wants his cake and wants to eat it too. It just dont seem right I mean what kind of brother won't let his brother have friends just cause he dont like them? Not to mention what kind of spineless man is he to not stand up and tell his brother that she is going to be his friend no matter what? Just my opinion
• United States
10 Feb 13
Well she told me once that if his brother caught him chatting on fb with her he'd kick him out of his house and then the guy would be on the street. Well the point i tried to get her to see is if he loved her that wouldn't matter because he'd do anything to be with her or chat with her and hes not. He doesn't stand up for her at all he doesn't sneak around and call on a pay phone outside the house or his cell phone nor does he write a letter to her and then mail it at the post office so his brother wont find out. Tho if he loved her he'd stand up to his brother for her and hes not done a thing just because he thinks he'd be kicked out and on the street. I told her this and i'm still the bad friend.
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
10 Feb 13
redredrose WOW she certainly sounds like she is overreacting.. I assume you were tactful in telling her to move on and it's too bad she can't see a true friend is someone who will be honest with them. There isn't a lot you can do except to try to explain you had her best intentions in mind and hopefully can still be friends..good luck with this..could be she just wants what she wants and will have to learn the hard way...
• United States
10 Feb 13
I did everything you said and nothing i told her im a good friend by not saying just what she wants to hear and telling her the truth. Still nothing from her. I told her im not going to say its ok just to say what she wants to hear to keep my friend thats not right and still nothing. Told her i love her like a sister and didnt mean to hurt her and why i told her move on and why it looks like hell never be with her because he ton even try to contact her and shes missing out on some one that will be with her and still nothing. she even said im a bad friend and an evil person.
• India
11 Feb 13
Hi there...,'Were you Wrong' has got two answers 'May be Yes or May be No',because as you mentioned he's off communicating with her since two months,it seems like thinking of a suspecting him,so you're right.But your friend's love on him may be stronger than ur friendship i think or it can be she thinks ur happy with what had happened.! I think you're really stuck,if i had been in such a situation i too would have stuck,but later however i was gonna sooth her feelings and get her friendship back and help to get her love back...hope i helped..good luck.
• India
11 Feb 13
Just give some time and everything will be fine. Never think of losing anybody becuae if something is yours as what ever, then difenitly will come back to you. this is the universe works. or you can relx yourself and imagin her is coming bacck to you or is calling you or whatever you like... maybe she was busy or had any work that time was not able to pick the phone. just leave it do not stuck yourself in that.... If something is for you then it will come to you in a time you even do not imagine
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Feb 13
No, I don't think you were wrong. I just think she doesn't want to hear it.
• United States
10 Feb 13
Shhe knows right from wrong and deep down inside she must know that man could very welll be living with a woman. He has a brother that does not like her so freaking what. people have unlikable mates all over the world. they are not going to just ignore them for this reason. that man is living with a woman and he feels guilty and does not know how to handle two relationships. I would never tell my friend to move on.. I learned from a great friend of mine who was there for my ups and downs. she told me she would never tell me to leave my man. but,she will be there for me no matter what. I see this as the best practice in order to keep a good friendship. all you can do now is stop calling her an leave her alone. you did what you thought was right. now let her be with her life. sorry it is just how it must be.
@Raine38 (9029)
• United States
10 Feb 13
You've done your part as a good friend should. If she wants to listen to what she just want to hear then that's her call. I also think she's wasting her time on the guy but let's just let her learn her lesson. Of course as her friend I know you don't want her to get hurt. If they are right and he does contact her, good. But if not, at least she cannot blame you for not warning her what else could happen.