My shyness is killing me

@Deepak2J (1180)
Bhubaneswar, India
April 3, 2013 9:24am CST
I can't talk in front of any girls excluding my mom, sis, and some relatives. I love a girl who resides with her mom and dad nearby. I see her everyday,want to talk to her, but I never succeed. Her mom and dad likes me. I also fixed their PC which was not working some months ago. But I am very frightened what will she think, if I will ry to talk to her. Also I am afraid of what people will say.and waht her parents will thing my mom dad as well. I don't know what to do? She is of a different caste though. And now I also feared of someone will win her over. I never talked to any girls of my class till now from childhood. I gets extremely nervous in front of girls. Any suggestions
3 people like this
21 responses
@mariaperalta (19096)
• Mexico
3 Apr 13
I understand that. I used to be the same way. But its better to open up to friends and family then go from there....
2 people like this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
3 Apr 13
but how ? I don't want to loose her as well. Oh .... I just..
• Mexico
3 Apr 13
Talk to everyone involved. make things open and clear with all.
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
6 Apr 13
Is there any way to go back in time and cancel my falling in love with her. She is a very good and nice girl though...Her mom and dad are also good
• Philippines
3 Apr 13
Sometimes you need to out of you're shell and tell what you feel before its to late
2 people like this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
3 Apr 13
I don't know how will I do it ?
• Philippines
4 Apr 13
Do a letter write you're feeling. then think if you give to them or not. I'm shy person too did tell my family what I feel. So I do a letter to tell what I feel If I angry a lot. i do a letter and I think If It what it effect. Then if I did give it to a person I burn it and I pray to take away what my angry feeling.or. I do a sms to tell a person a care or angry I'm take a conversation at a cell phone
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
11 Apr 13
you are good. but i m not
@mensab (4208)
• Philippines
3 Apr 13
i remember that i have this kind of shyness when i was young. but i was able to overcome it. what did i do? i joined student organizations which had female members. then, i became active in those organizations. in no time, i was interacting with girls of my age. i lost my shyness and gained confidence in interacting with girls. start from organizations in your place. be active in those organizations. best wishes!
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
3 Apr 13
I don't like student organizations. And also I can't interact with any girl. it's too hard
@jenny1015 (13390)
• Philippines
6 Apr 13
Get over your shyness! That won't get you anywhere. You may never know how that woman feels for you unless you do something.
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
6 Apr 13
I know. But what do I do ? I think i should leave all to god. Let god handle this. Maybe they have some better ideas !
@jenny1015 (13390)
• Philippines
6 Apr 13
Make yourself talk in front of her. Condition you mind in having strength to come near her.
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
6 Apr 13
I will try whenever possible. Or else.... I don't know...I shouldn't ever fell in love.....but....I couldn't helped me and falls towards her.
• China
5 Apr 13
Maybe you can chang yourself, you may talk to other girls first. There are no reasons for us to shy. Everyone is equal. When you chang yourself, you may find it is not that nervous. When I was younge, I am also very shy. Today It is better than before. Believe yourself, there is nothing to let you frightened.
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
5 Apr 13
I can't talk to other girls as well. That's the problem
• China
6 Apr 13
Maybe you should chang yourself. It is not harder than you imagine. So talk to other girls.Good luck.
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
6 Apr 13
I will try, but it will be almost like impossible for me. I think people like me should never fall in love with anyone.
@dainy1313 (2354)
• Leon, Mexico
3 Apr 13
Hello Deepak I hope that you are fine. I understand you. I think you must try to approach to her. Maybe give her a lollypop and began saying hello to her somedays, and then try to talk about common sense things: like pets, hobbies, tv series, schools, sports, family. You must try to be friends first to know if you have things in common you like and dislike, and maybe then if you have things in common you can invite her to have an icecream. Good luck! Blessings Deepak... dainy
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
4 Apr 13
She barely comes out of home like me, only when it's necessary. She is the only child .
@dainy1313 (2354)
• Leon, Mexico
4 Apr 13
Hello Deepak, I´m sad to know it. But you have to be very wise and try to meet her sometime. Maybe when he returns from school, or when she buys groseries, or try to meet her by chat, try to talk with her friends to know a little bit more about her and how to approach to her. Blesings Deepak... dainy
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
4 Apr 13
Her dad buys groceries. She doesn't have many friends.One or Two. They don't live here. She was in hostel. std 12 exams are over so she is home now.
@Frederick42 (2020)
• Canada
28 Apr 13
One has to be comfortable with one’s shyness. One should not fight with it, one should not suppress it. Allow the shyness to flow into you. You say that your shyness is killing you. I say that your shyness is giving you fresh life. It does not matter if you cannot speak to girls. Forget about the girls. We should not even have the desire to speak to people who have no desire to speak to us. Why should men have the desire to speak to women, when women have not the slightest desire to speak to men? Be who you are. If you are shy, be shy. Be proud of your shyness. Look at the universe around you.
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
28 Apr 13
You are right. But, it's the heart which don't wanna listen, when it likes someone. Anyway, thanks for the response.
@cttolledo (4107)
• Philippines
12 Apr 13
You are in love! LOL...goodluck.. try to do it faster, she might lost in your sight.. just joking!
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Apr 13
I didn't understood you ? Plz clarify
@scubapro (1058)
• Gifu, Japan
11 Apr 13
i am shy too,its not bad,if the person is shy ,it means that person has a good charachter i think,we shy people just think so deep maybe we should think more relax and cool. i mean the answer cant be so bad,so we should try to be ourself. then there will be no problme i think the key is being ourselves peace
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
11 Apr 13
You are right. Shy people just thinks too much, when talking with someone face-to-face. Its bad but its very hard to overcome those thoughts
• India
6 Apr 13
I think you should start talking to everyone. Everyone feels shy while talking for the first time. But gradually we get used to it. We get to know how that person is. Dont think how he or she would feel this will not help you anyway. Try talking to her, try to know what she thinks about you. It would help
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
6 Apr 13
I just got a thinking that, my problem is I just think too much. I should stop thinking and begin. that might work. But, it won't be easy. From my childhood, I always thinks, one thing or other, necessary or unnecessary, just anything.
@Porcospino (16425)
• Denmark
5 Apr 13
I understand how you feel because I am also shy. In past my shyness was a bigger problem than it is today, and it was really hard or almost impossible for me to talk to the boys that I was interested in. It was already mentioned in some of the other responses, but I also think that a letter to the girl would be a good idea. Maybe it would be easier for you to make the first contact that way. You could tell her that you would like to get to know her better and maybe you could also tell her about your shyness. If she is also shy she might see your shyness as a positive thing instead of a negative thing and she might feel more comfortable with you if she knows that you are shy as well. That is my own experience as a shy person.
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
6 Apr 13
Hi, thanks for the post. Many of you are suggesting to write a letter. But, what if she gets angry and what if her parents will know this ? I am afraid...
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
5 Apr 13
hi, You have to leave your shyness if you want to propose that girl. You have to get together all your courage as if it is important for you to remain alive. One of mylot friends said that you can write a letter to her about your feelings. But one time come when you have to talk to her. what did you do at the time of oral exams in schools? It is your exam of life and you have to try for being successful in this exam. Best of luck.
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
5 Apr 13
Yeah. Its extremely hard in oral exams. But, having choiceless, even if I was afraid I answered, who cares wrong or right. Ok I will try whenever possible. THANKS
• Philippines
5 Apr 13
Friend, let it out. Let me be straight...I am also shy as I was growing up. But later on,, I realized that shyness is a form of pride. Why? Because you are too afraid that people will see who you are, thinking that they will not accept you. You shy aways because you have this feeling of being superior only to yourself and that you are not allowing anyone to touch that pride. What you need to do? Well, start with small steps...Be a gentleman. Then start to smile to everyone and anyone (safely), even to someone you do not know (who knows they might need that smile to just lighten up their day). Next, let me ask you and challenge you...What would you do if somebody else wins her heart? Nothing, right? Because you also did nothing. So do not even think of blaming your shyness when losing her to someone else. Communicate, in any form possible. Just start to be a gentleman!
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
5 Apr 13
Yeah, I always generally smiles at everyone. I love smiling. But, in front of her, I just unable to smile. Thanks
• United States
4 Apr 13
Hi Deepak. My heart goes out to you. I understand what you are saying. Actually I think what you have is more than shyness and is actually a disorder called social phobia or social anxiety. Although everyone is giving you well meant advice when they say just talk to her it's not that easy. It's like telling someone with a snake phobia to just go ahead and touch it. This type of fear is extreme and usually requires some sort of psychiatric help. Therapy is something you may want to consider if it is available to you. However here are some things you might try in the immediate. 1)Can you confide to your mother about how you feel. If so,let her know the difficulty you have speaking to girls and that you don't know what to do about it. She may have some encouraging words for you. If not your mother then some other person that you really trust. 2)Sometimes being honest with someone you like can be the first step towards building a bond with them. It's probably too difficult for you to say it to her, but how about a little note - "I really like you but when I'm around you I get too nervous to speak to you. I hope we can be friends." 3) Look on line for information on social anxiety/ social phobia. There's a lot of information about it and you may find something that is helpful to you. I wish you well, friend and good luck!
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
5 Apr 13
ok. I will try to figure out ?
• Philippines
4 Apr 13
you dont need to be shy. just think that you just want to talk to her because you want her to be a friend. you wont do anything bad so yu dont need to be shy.
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
4 Apr 13
ok. But whenever by chance if I am near her, my heart just beats too much.And I just unable to even make any eye-contact. I just got speechless. So, i don't know...
• India
4 Apr 13
well, if you really love her then you have to come over this feeling. you can imagine yourself that you are talking to her and then practice for that when you are free and then try to win her heart with your nice behave and smile and caring about her..
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
4 Apr 13
I always think about her and imagines her how we are talking, gossiping,etc. But, my brain just stops working in front of her, I think.
@stanley777 (7175)
• Philippines
4 Apr 13
You are the only one who can solve your shyness. Fears of getting rejected will go you nowhere, you should conquer it. Try to socialize with other people aside from your siblings and relatives. Getting accustomed to it will conquer your nervousness. What, if you gets rejected that's fine, many have been into this situation. It's better to say what you feel than just keep it to yourself.
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
4 Apr 13
I don't know what to do
@srisahara (4151)
• Indonesia
4 Apr 13
Hi friend...what wrong with you? I think there is no problem in your attitude. But, why you so afraid talk with the girl, I think she will respect with you. Hi friend, if you want to get rid your scare when talk to the girl, try to threw your thoughts about what the girl will think about you and your parents. if you always think about thoughts of someone else before you do it, you will never do anything. Try to talk the important thing to her, and get rid what her thought about you. Come on friend...be a winner.
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
4 Apr 13
My problem is when i know someone, I am afraid to talk thinking what will she or others think
@Raine38 (9029)
• United States
3 Apr 13
Just be yourself. Say HI and Hello whenever you meet her on your way. Small words mean a lot especially if she noticed that you are a nice person. Since you are too shy to make small talks with her, you can start with just greeting her like that. Do it all the time until you are comfortable enough to talk to her.
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
4 Apr 13
Okay. But she is just like me, comes out from home very few times in a day. Not only that, she only comes out when her mom/dad is/are outside. Else she barely comes out. I too also comes out of home only a few times in a day. So, just even telling hi/hello is very difficult. I got chances 2-3 times some months back, when she came to our door for something and I was alone and so she was. But I didn't even smiled at her, out of fear and nervousness. I don't if I will ever get any chance again. I am just useless, outdated boy.
• Jacksonville, Florida
3 Apr 13
I know its hard because I am shy too but if you never open up to people you might never find love. You might have to try to tell her how you feel. Talk to her at least a little bit. You never know, maybe she feels the same way about you. But if you never say anything then you will never get any further...
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
3 Apr 13
That's the hard part. I just got nervous too soon