By Amanda Young
November 4, 2014 9:41am CST
Everyone thinks that nothing bad can happen to them, however when you add other people into your life, bad things tend to always happen. Someone says something that hurts your feelings, you say something that hurts another's feelings, something always winds up happening no matter our good intentions. I am leery of relationships, I've never had a good one in my entire life, yet I've learned a lot by the ones that I have had and watching others in their own relationships. Here are some things I've discovered. 1. No one will actually die for you. Yeah it sounds romantic, may have even gotten your heart all aflutter, but the truth is the human nature makes it that anyone who says they will die for you, if put to the test, will not follow through. The only exception is a parental figure. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, anyone who thinks of you as their own blood (unless they were selfish pricks like some people out there) will put their lives on the line in order to see you happy, safe, and well. 2. People lie. Of course, anyone over the age of 13 knows this simple fact, but this is never more true than for people in relationships. My own fiance lied to me for 2 years before finally coming out and telling me the truth (he lied about everything, his name, his background, I think the only thing he didn't lie about was his taste in music and books) and he still lies to this day. People who are in relationships, they want the other person to like them. So, they tell little white lies, or even big gray lies, in an effort to feel accepted by the person they are in the relationship with. 3. Having a child will not guarantee success in a relationship. A baby is a tough responsibility, and it requires you to give up a lot of yourself in order to see the child raised properly (you cannot be friends with your child, you have to be a parent). This can be done by one parent, but it's harder. Having two people helping each other not only lessens the pressure, but it also helps the child see a strong foundation. Having a foundation that is united goes even further, which is why if you feel that your relationship is failing, that does not mean to try to have a child in order to strengthen the relationship. Having a child at this point is a sure-fire way to ensure the failure comes even sooner. 4. Believe none of what you hear, and half of what you see. This is the motto that I live by. People love to gossip, so that means that nothing of what you hear you can actually believe. "Well I heard this" and "I just know that is going on/to happen" are all sophisticated precursors to gossip. They are opinion statements, not factual statements. Unless it is written down, recorded, and proven beyond any shadow of a doubt, you cannot believe anything of what any one says to you. When it comes to what you see, believe half of it. It's been proven that the brain only processes what it can translate, for example, the driver who hits a child running out into the street claims he never saw the child. In this example, it very well could be that the driver didn't see the child. Either there were cars on the side of the street preventing the driver from seeing the child playing, or the driver was texting, or changing radio stations, there are any number of things that could have occurred to prevent the driver from seeing the child. So, nothing you hear and half of what is seen. 5. Communicate. You cannot hope to have any strong relationship if there is no communication. If your partner has hurt your feelings, then tell them. If you have done something that has broken trust, then admit it and apologize for it. Communication is something even I struggle with, for so long no one has cared about whether they hurt me or not so I had stopped communicating to everyone and now I have to re-learn how to communicate. If your partner feels as if there is a wall between you and them, communication breaks down, and the relationship will fall apart. And that's it. Just those five things. Not much really, but it's amazing what you can learn from observation of others and apply it to your own life.
• Delhi, India
5 Nov 14
Very well written article on relationship. I feel whatever you have observed and described is not entirely incorrect. People lie in a relationship, may be for their own selfish motives. However, hurting someone by lying or cheating someone on the pretext of being faithful and loyal is not appreciated by anyone. Having said that I would say that there are nice people around and everyone is not a liar so you be positive in your life.
• Bhavnagar, India
6 Nov 14
you seem to be terribly upset by your experience of different relations in your life. I really appreciate my decision not to have in relation and find myself most happy. Though people call me arrogant, not mixing and many thing. But I dont have any grudge against any of them and wish all and every one best in their life. If I have relation with any one than it is All mighty and my own shadow.