Nothing on Noah

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Now then, when God commanded Noah to load up the ark with as many pairs of animals as he could find lying around he probably hadn't envisaged the problems of the average English Summer. Frankly, given today's torrential rain I very much doubt that old Noah would have found a pair of anything living; they'd all have been hunkered down somewhere dry and out of reach of God's chosen reaper of the living. Let's face it, it must have been a bit of a beauty contest. How many otherwise happily paired up doves and elephants suddenly found themselves abducted and introduced to an entirely new, and arguably finer, physical specimens than had been their mate of choice? With a "mind how you go and don't forget an umbrella" so many must have been condemned to the relentlessly rising waters. Anyway, it's raining here and blooming miserable. If Noah wants to come round he'll find me in bed, dry! (No references to the Bible, accurate or otherwise, were made in the drafting of this post.)