anxiety

@sissy15 (5392)
United States
September 11, 2015 11:56pm CST
I've known for awhile I suffer from social anxiety, recently I found out I have general anxiety too. I also found out I've been having anxiety attacks on a daily basis, I didn't realize it though, because I always thought an anxiety attack had to be severe, turns out it doesn't. After reading what all an anxiety attack entails it turns out I have them sometimes up to 10 or more times a day. It's actually a little out of hand. I need to look at getting therapy, I have in the past but the place here is so packed, and we have no way to get anywhere else right now. Living with this can be hard, because no one understands exactly how hard it is to live with. They will say things like "get over it, you're fine" or "Just try harder" or they'll make me feel bad for feeling the way I do. They act like I don't already know it's ridiculous to fear the things I do, or that I don't know that I'm over thinking everything. That's the worst part, I do know, but I can't stop feeling or thinking the way I do. I wish I could. If it were really as simple as stopping, don't they think I would have already done it? Everyone gets anxiety, it's just that they don't have it every single day. Those of us with anxiety deal with the feelings every other human has every so often on a regular basis. For us every day is a struggle. Having to do simple daily tasks are a struggle. From making a phone call, to going to the grocery store. Anything that requires some sort of interaction. I force myself to do things everyday, and it takes a lot out of me. Being a mom makes me go out and do these things. I have to call my son in sick, go to conferences, go on field trips. I fight my fears daily so I can try and be a good mom. I put my son's needs ahead of my own. If that means I have to confront my fears head on for his benefit I do it. He wanted me to go on his field trip with him so I did. He wanted to go to his school's dance so we did it. It's hard but I do it, but at the end of the day I'm physically exhausted. Living with this everyday is a battle, and I find myself mentally and physically drained. I wish it really were as simple as telling myself to get over it. I wish I could just one day say "this is all me being irrational." and have it go away. It just doesn't work that way though, no matter how much I want it to.
5 people like this
5 responses
@valmnz (12769)
• New Zealand
12 Sep 15
I understand what you're saying. I used to have quite extreme anxiety attacks when in unfamiliar situations. Now that I'm older I've learned what is important in life. Just do what you can do, and don't let yourself be bullied by those who don't understand.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (5392)
• United States
12 Sep 15
I do the best I can, but it's hard to not be bullied, especially when it mostly comes from my own family. I get up and try every day. Most people want to see it as an excuse, it's not like a physical illness where everyone can see it. A lot of people don't seem to think mental issues don't exist. Like it's all so simple.
2 people like this
@valmnz (12769)
• New Zealand
12 Sep 15
@sissy15 if you believe in what you are doing, and block out those other voices, you'll make it. Who said they know better that you?
@sissy15 (5392)
• United States
12 Sep 15
@valmnz Part of anxiety is not being able to block out those voices, as much as I'd like to. It's taking those voices and playing them through my head over and over despite my best efforts not to. Things like that really bother me as much as I'd like to get over them. I can know that they don't know what they're talking about, but that doesn't change the fact that I still stress over it. They cause me more grief than they are helping, I wish they could understand that.
1 person likes this
@amnabas (9950)
• Karachi, Pakistan
12 Sep 15
I got severe anxiety attacks last year due to some family misunderstandings which were worst days of my life.
@sissy15 (5392)
• United States
12 Sep 15
I haven't had any severe ones thankfully, I know the ones I have aren't exactly a fun feeling. I sometimes feel like I'm being kicked in the gut and having the floor being removed from under my feet, but I don't feel like I'm having a heart attack or anything. The ones I have vary in severity, but they've never been extreme.
1 person likes this
@amnabas (9950)
• Karachi, Pakistan
12 Sep 15
@sissy15 see I am a married lady and you know married life is much more complicated and you have to cope with in laws problems therefore I had those conditions.
@sissy15 (5392)
• United States
12 Sep 15
@amnabas I'm not married, but I may as well be. I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 years and we have a 4 year old son together. I deal with his family and with mine. Fortunately his family is pretty awesome. My family is the one I have issues with.
1 person likes this
• Cape Town, South Africa
12 Sep 15
@sissy15 - I for one understand exactly where you are. I was recently diagnosed as having depression and anxiety, with a strong likelihood that I may be bi-polar. I don't have advice, can only offer support. Be strong, and take each day one hour at a time.
@sissy15 (5392)
• United States
13 Sep 15
Thank you, that's what I've been doing. I'm sorry that anyone else has to go through it, but at least I know I'm not alone. It helps knowing there are those out there who do know what I'm going though.Anxiety is horrible, I get depressed at times, but I don't think I would be considered clinically depressed. I know those with anxiety are more prone to also have depression. My boyfriend has been told that he is mildly bipolar. I wish they could do more for those who have mental disorders. It is just difficult.
• Cape Town, South Africa
13 Sep 15
@sissy15 - a lot of the difficulty in treatment is identifying the actual problem. It is often very difficult.
@Porcospino (16630)
• Denmark
12 Sep 15
I have had anxiety for several years, and I know how hard it is to live that way. I used to have social anxiety and I recognize many of the things that you write about. Other people find it very hard to understand social anxiety. People used to say to me: "Don't be ridiculous, you know those things aren't dangerous, it is not that hard" Of course I knew I that those things weren't dangerous, but that didn't change the way that I felt about them. I knew that my fear was irrational, but that knowledge didn't remove my anxiety. I am feeling much better now, but it has been a long journey with many ups and downs.
@sissy15 (5392)
• United States
13 Sep 15
I'm glad you're doing better, it's so hard to explain to people when you can't fully understand it yourself. It's probably hardest knowing that you're being irrational but can't change the fact that you are. It's just a long and difficult road. I started off with just the social anxiety but it seems I have general anxiety too.
@jaboUK (53540)
• United Kingdom
12 Sep 15
I think I read about your anxiety on the other site. It must be so difficult for you.
@sissy15 (5392)
• United States
13 Sep 15
Yes, I wrote about it on bubblews too. It is very difficult. I just recently realized I have general anxiety. It was originally just social, and I just recently figured out that I've been having a lot of anxiety attacks.