A Double Dose Of Bad News For My Conservative Base

Rock Island, Illinois
September 24, 2015 10:29am CST
I've got a double dose of bad news for those of you in my Beloved Conservative Base. First, your insane War On Women has run into another roadblock: Senate Dems block GOP bill that would curb late abortions. MrRightWing, that's your cue to tell me again how weak, doomed and ineffectual the Democrats are. And how mighty and invincible the Republican's are. You can also throw in something about how much God is supporting you, too, because you'll probably never have a better example of how much He loves you. Don't forget to add that it doesn't matter how all your glorious victories are adding up to one giant FAIL because Jesus will be here soon to save you. Secondly, your beloved FOX News has lost another viewer, and this time it's a very rare case because it was not due to the viewer dying. In fact, this time, it wasn't even an old guy at all, he is, compared to the average FOX viewer, a very young kid: Donald Trump Announces Fox News Boycott, Network Spokesman Hits Back Hard. Of course, FOX is saying that my friend Bill canceled his interview with Donny and Donny is now trying to spin that into him being treated unfairly. And it has to be true because has FOX ever lied to you before? No. And if you don't believe me, just ask my friend, MrRightWing. He'll straighten you out. Figuratively speaking. Now we come to the third item in today's double dose of bad news for my Beloved Conservative Base. Contrary to what you've been told---Both FOX and TMZ have been getting this wrong since Saturday---The Pope did not go to Cuba and then America because I was going to Europe. Yes, he did leave just a couple of days before I arrived but that is coincidence and nothing more. In the first place, I didn't even go to Rome. I haven't gone anywhere but to Oktoberfest (This Week's Sermon) except for a little while in Paris the other day...Aside for the couple of times I had to home for brief periods. So, you see, none of those crackpot conspiracy theories about the Pope leaving the Continent just to avoid me hold no water at all. If he were trying to avoid me, he just wouldn't go to Oktoberfest. And he'd hang the Sorry, We're Closed sign outside the Vatican like he always does when he wants to avoid people. By the way, when I go to the Vatican, it always is really closed. He doesn't do that to avoid me. He does it to avoid people like you. So put away your tin foil hat and start worrying about real things. Like the fact that Donny feels the Republicans are being unfair to him again and how that might make him forget that he pledged to not make an independent run if he doesn't get the nomination. Think about that and what it will do to your already dismal chances in 2016. You can nominate Donny and get a snowball's chance in Miami in August of winning OR you can nominate Jeb and be 100% guaranteed to lose. Wait. It's not quite that bad. You could nominate Ted or Carly and be 350% guaranteed to lose. Really, I envy all your great choices. And I would love to talk more about them but I have to get back to the Fischer Vroni. Yep, fish tonight! Eins, zwei, drei, g’suffa; Zicke-Zacke-Zicke-Zacke Hoy, Hoy, Hoy! Here Are The Links: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/09/23/donald-trump-wont-be-doing-any-more-fox-shows-for-the-foreseeable-future/ http://www.billoreilly.com/ http://www.tmz.com/ http://www.cbsnews.com/news/pope-francis-wrapping-up-cuba-trip-beginning-five-day-trip-to-us/ http://www.blogster.com/xander6464/this-weeks-sermon-35 http://www.fischer-vroni.de/x/index.php/fischer_vroni_tent_en.html
Senate Democrats blocked Republican legislation Tuesday that would prohibit most late-term abortions, the latest episode in a fight that has threatened to cause a partial government shutdown. At the same time, the chamber's GOP leader began choreographing
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