What do you have in your tool box?

@celticeagle (119872)
Boise, Idaho
October 22, 2015 8:11pm CST
In the winter I sleep a lot. I have I can remember when I was in my teen years. This was before I had any depression diagnosis. I was still depressed, I just hadn't been diagnosed and didn't know what was going on. I could sleep for 12 to 14 hours, get up for two or three and go back to bed again. I am finding out now that 9 hours of sleep is what teens should get.( I doubt many of them do get that much). But I was using sleep as an escape. Anxiety, panic attacks and all that had already become a part of my life and I used sleep to escape these horrors. Now I go through several sleep cycles. Right now I am sleeping anywhere from 4 to 6 hours and then I am up for that amount of time and then I sleep for that amount of time again. This will go on for several weeks. Then I will stay up later and later and sleep for longer periods. I usually will take something to help me go to sleep earlier if I know that I have to get up the next day. Or, I will just not go to sleep for that second time in the day and just stay awake. In the winter I am more depressed than in the summertime. I have SAD, or Seasonal Affective Disorder, which has to do with the light and lack of it at this time of year. No, lights don't work. This added to the severe depression causes my mood to go down, way down, I become agitated easier and I get upset easier. I had DNA testing done in the spring of 2014 to find out what type of anti-depressant I should be taking because nothing was working except one I take for anxiety. The medications that the testing showing would be best for me didn't seem to help. To be honest, I have gotten to a point where I wonder how I would know if it helped or didn't. Really. I have been depressed for so long how would I know if I was living though a normal mood or not. The depression has become so normal for me. But, I didn't feel anything different or uplifting so I felt the meds didn't help after the weeks and weeks that I was on them. Nothing changed. Sorry this was so long but I felt a need to explain a lot that some who know me probably already know. I am not asking for sympathy or anything of the sort. I am writing this wondering how many others feel less with it , less energy, lower mood, less enthusiasm, etc. in the winter months. I feel it coming on and fight it, feel anxiety because I know what is coming. I know that I have to battle it myself, that meds don't help that much and I just enter the black hole for about six months. Biofeedback, meditation, sleep, vitamins and good food, the wish to scream, family interaction, crying, movies and TV distraction, and more sleep seem to be all I have in my tool box.
3 people like this
3 responses
• United States
23 Oct 15
I have no toolbox really. The best medicine for me is staying angry. I know that sounds bad, but it is the only thing that keeps me going. I dont take it out on others, but I do keep the fire inside lit. If I gave up on that, I would be washed up. I cant just sleep, does not work for me and nothing else does either.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119872)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Oct 15
Oh, I do understand this about angry. Weirdly I think that anger gives us strength. The sleep doesn't really help me a lot either but it is an escape I have used for as long as I can remember.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 15
@celticeagle I wish I could do it Celt. It would be good for my body at least to sleep..glad you can at least do that, though I know, my son does the same with his issues..sleeps 12 hours, but still the same.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119872)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Oct 15
@TiarasOceanView ....So you have sleep issues too? Ugh! It seems to really be a problem with other members too.
1 person likes this
@poehere (17680)
• French Polynesia
23 Oct 15
I don't have a tool box either. I have never been one to sleep much. When I am worried this is the last thing I'll do. I can stay up for days on end without sleep. I think each person handles this differently. Like when some people get depressed they eat and gain weight and others stop eating and lose a lot of weight.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119872)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Oct 15
I think everything causes me to eat. Stress or depression. I always thought it weird to hear of people who couldn't eat under these conditions. I have always been just the opposite. I used to be able to stay up for days. I just sleep weird now instead.
1 person likes this
@poehere (17680)
• French Polynesia
23 Oct 15
@celticeagle I have a few friends who eat a ton of food when they are depressed.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119872)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Oct 15
@poehere ...There is no happy medium. Either you don't eat or you do during these times.
1 person likes this
@Samanthavv (1386)
• United States
23 Oct 15
I tend to get depressed. It's even worse now that I'm thousands of miles away from home without a support network. I take spirulina supplements and I try to do things I enjoy, even if I have to force myself through it. I wish I could help you more. Hang in there.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119872)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Oct 15
Thank you. That is very kind. I think doing things we enjoy is important. That and pampering ourselves sometimes. We are a pretty good support system here on Mylot. Some very caring folk.