How Do I feel?
By Tanya Taylor
@nafretiti (107)
Antigo, Wisconsin
November 4, 2015 3:42pm CST
I'm sitting here and not sure how I feel, the man who provided the sperm (Me) To get my mother pregnant, who did not raise me but whom I don't know all that well but do know him some-what. He's fought colon cancer and won, that cancer then spread into his brain to form two tumors and they treated those and they shrunk. Now he is in the hospital with blood clots filling his body and lungs. They can't treat the clots to break them because it will make the tumors in his brain bleed. He's clinging to life and fighting...
I don't know how to feel, I don't call him dad. My dad passed away in 2004 of cancer.
Maybe sad that I won't get to know him like I wanted to. To hang out with him and do things like fishing or something. Life feels so weird.
3 people like this
4 responses
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
4 Nov 15
there are dna donaters, and there are fathers... you can be glad for the donation without feeling obligated to him, as a child does to their parent, and you can be sad that you didn't get the chance to get to know him, at least as a friend. And it's perfectly ok to be conflicted!
1 person likes this
@nafretiti (107)
• Antigo, Wisconsin
4 Nov 15
I hate being conflicted though, but that is life I guess. Thank you for your words. Its just all confusing and stuff hate that feeling.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50525)
• Centralia, Missouri
6 Nov 15
@nafretiti sadly, life is often grey when we want black or white. Is there something you could do now, that would make you feel better later about it. Write him a letter, visit while still able?
1 person likes this
@nafretiti (107)
• Antigo, Wisconsin
7 Nov 15
@Jessicalynnt Those are good ideas, thank you for them and I think I'll write him something.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
5 Nov 15
I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you'll feel better soon.
1 person likes this
@nafretiti (107)
• Antigo, Wisconsin
7 Nov 15
Thank you Wendy, I feel okay now and he's still hanging on and now I'm more close to where he would be at so I may go see him.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
7 Nov 15
@nafretiti That's good. Do what you feel is right. So you won't have regrets later on.
@celticeagle (160064)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Nov 15
There could be a time in the future when you will kick yourself if you don't at least stick a toe in. It's not like you have to make a big deal out of a short visit.
1 person likes this
@nafretiti (107)
• Antigo, Wisconsin
7 Nov 15
Yeah very true, maybe I'll do what one of the other ladies gave advice on. I'm just all over the place in thought.
@mrtoffee (1522)
•
4 Nov 15
wow that's a really rough ride, having both parents fight cancer and thankfully win I understand the roller coaster. I feel love for him even though I have never met him and I really hope he pulls through as he has done in the past. He sounds like a fighter and I am sending you both positive vibes, take it steady 
1 person likes this
@nafretiti (107)
• Antigo, Wisconsin
4 Nov 15
My step dad passed away Paul, he didn't win. The donor has but is now fighting the blood clots. Thank you though.
1 person likes this
@mrtoffee (1522)
•
5 Nov 15
@nafretiti I am so sorry to hear that Tanya, take it steady
1 person likes this
