Two Events That Are Nothing To Worry About

Wapello, Iowa
November 9, 2015 9:26am CST
Today Is Dedicated To Leatherface RIP Leather Gunnar Hansen, 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' villain, dies at 68 It's extremely fitting that today, as we honor the memory of a talented actor who has scared countless audiences for more than forty years with a very convincing but safely fictional portrayal of a chainsaw welding maniac, I have been asked by the Chief (I don't talk about it much because it's really dull but my day job is as a salesman for Acme Greeting Cards) to remind you that two current events that happen to be very real are just as harmless. So harmless, that they, too, may as well be fictional. We might as well start in Southern California, where the most recent event took place (Mystery light freaks out Southern California residents). As you can clearly see, the article says there is nothing to worry about. The Military has explained that the mystery light was not mysterious at all. It was simply a routine missile test. Prior to the missile test explanation, there two other official explanations that I can't even remember now and neither should you. The missile story is all you need. There's also the matter of the spokesperson at The Navy Strategic Systems Programs who initially said that were no missile tests that day. Don't be fooled by that. It was an honest mistake that anyone could make. Still, that's not good enough for us. The Spokesperson has since been "talked to" and will never make a mistake like that again. Think about that the next time you see strange lights in the sky. Enjoy them. The same way you would enjoy fireworks or a laser light show. But don't go telling all your friends about them and/or make detailed reports about them to the media. Because they are not worth talking about. If you photograph them, don't put the photos on the Internet. People would much rather see what you ordered for lunch or just a nice Selfie of you doing nothing. Don't waste valuable FaceBook space on mysterious lights in the sky. That also applies when the lights are a little bit outside our sky. Like when they are surrounding KIC 8462852 (Bizarre megastructure was NOT built by aliens: Experts rule out 'Dyson sphere' theory but admit they still don't know exactly what it is). Isn't that story awesome? It's for all you people who missed or heard but didn't believe Agent...Um, excuse me, I mean Dr.Neil deGrasse Tyson when he told Art the other night on Midnight In The Desert that there are at least 50 natural explanations for those structures and none of them involve little green men. And right now, I am going to go that article one better by telling you exactly what are those structures are: Swamp Gas. That's it. There is no Type Two Civilization out there! Or anywhere! Call it anti-climatic if you want but it's the truth. The moral of the story is that if you want to get scared, go see a movie about a maniac with chainsaw. Don't look up in the sky. Because there is nothing scary there! There isn't even anything mysterious! Thank you for your time, citizens. You may return to your homes and places of business now. There is nothing more to see here. Here Are The Links:
Gunnar Hansen, who terrorized moviegoers as the psychotic, chainsaw-wielding Leatherface in 1974's "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre," has died. He was 68.
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1 response
@inertia4 (27713)
• United States
11 Nov 15
Sad to hear about Leather Face. I remember when The Texas Chainsaw Massacre came out years ago. I loved it. But I did not like the remakes that were made. as for seeing lights in the sky, yes, there are many explanations for them. However, I don't believe anything the military or government says they are. They always lie to us. As for aliens, well, who knows. Is it possible? Yes it is. Just because we have not seen one in person does to mean they do not exist. I like Neil deGrasse Tyson. I have watched him on TV and he makes a lot of sense. Lets just enjoy our time here on MyLot. Now this is something to tell your friends on social media about.