It's The Fifth Day Of Hanukkah, 2015, You CENSORED

Wapello, Iowa
December 10, 2015 1:03pm CST
I got so hung up in talking about guns yesterday (It's The Fourth Day Of Hanukkah, 2015, You CENSORED) that I forgot to mention that this is Hanukkah Halftime! Well, yesterday was...So just forget that it's the Fifth Day Of Hanukkah and pretend it's still the fourth day. So just relax and enjoy the marching bands and cheerleaders. Especially the cheerleaders. You might want to take a minute to thank God that today isn't Sunday, too, because most of these girls have to work on Sundays for some reason. Just like me. Why can't cheerleaders and preachers ever get a Sunday off? Oh! Before I forget, some youngsters from London will come out here a little later to play and sing for you. They call themselves The Hot Players or something like that and I want you to pretend you like them. No matter how much they suck. Remember what Jesus said (Yeah, I know I'm not supposed to talk about Him during Hanukkah but come on, He was the King Of The Jews!), "Turn the other cheek and pretend the band doesn't sound like a reject from Jerusalem Idol." And these guys couldn't get on Jerusalem Idol if they had a gold calf in one hand and a burning bush in the other. Not even if they slipped Simon Of London thirty pieces of silver. They are terrible. But they try hard. So let them have tonight. This is going to be the biggest gig of their lives. I understand they have one more tiny gig coming up in February (Coldplay to headline Super Bowl halftime show) but today is the highlight of their career. And after that little nothing date in February? I hate to say this, cause I wouldn't want to discourage anyone, not even The Hot Players but you'll probably find them working in a muffler shop or a bakery or something. So why am I giving them a break today? Because I'm a Saint. It's that simple. I'm perfect. I do good things for people. Whether they deserve it or not. That's why The Hot Players...They call themselves Coldplay? Fine. Whatever. That's why Coldplay is here today. To play for your dining and dancing enjoyment. I just suggest that you eat first because they make most people lose their appetite. They also tend to put audiences to sleep but try not to nod off during the performance because some people would think it's rude. If you need help in that regard, try this, the Theme Drink that Fifi, my Sommelier, invented for today: =========================================== Hurrah for Halftime Ingredients: 1 1/2 oz 100 proof Vodka 1/2 oz Rock and rye 1 tblsp Lemon juice Mixing instructions: Shake all ingredients with ice, strain into a cocktail glass, and serve. =========================================== Now, as a reward for being nice to the youngsters from London who can't play or sing to save their lives, we're gonna play today's Featured Party Game: Binders Full of Girls And Boys Showing You What Janet Jackson Wouldn't Dare Show You. Oh! You kids probably don't know anything about Nipple Gate, so go read this real quick: Nipple Ripples: 10 Years of Fallout From Janet Jackson's Halftime Show. And now that it all makes sense to you, I think that's going to about do it for the Hanukkah Halftime Show Of 2015. ~~~Shalom~~~ Here Are The Links:
1 person likes this
1 response
@mommaj (22851)
• United States
28 Dec 15
I don't think Janet Jackson will ever be forgotten due to her clothing mishap. At least they said it was accidental. Sometimes you have to wonder.