On the Cusp of Things
By AmberLynn
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104632)
United States
January 1, 2016 7:16am CST
A Disclaimer of Sorts : I feel as if this is mostly going to be a lengthy discussion. You have been forewarned.
It is the dawning of a new year. With this new year comes new possibilities. New perspectives are also on the horizon. I have been thinking about my work situation. I know that it is something I have droned on about here endlessly. I am not happy, but I am not the only one who is not happy. We are all unhappy in ways, and yet even still, some of us try to do what we can for each other, and work as a team. Okay "Some' should probably be read as :two as it seems to only be the two of us willing to do so now.
I am tired. I do have three days off a week, but I am still tired. I want to be able to recuperate. I want to be able to sleep in for as long as I need to. I need a vacation.
A vacation would be nice but i've come to realize something over the last few years. Things where I work never change. In the department I work for, we get a new part time person, that person never works out. They always end up quitting. I guess you could say who could blame them. The overhead manager is as stingy on our hours as he is stern on our work ethic. He wants things done that can't possibly be done, and he wants it done yesterday, while all of us leave at five am!
I understand there are things about the business that I don't understand, but well, he's just a bit too over the top and I'll leave it at that.
So here I am thinking about work, what is best for me, and what I can and can not do. 
[/b]
This next part is me revealing things that are tough for me to admit.
[b]I know how to drive. Let me throw that out there. I know how to drive, but that doesn't mean I am practiced in it. I don't drive, and I don't mind that I don't drive. I'm more of a homebody anyway. I do realize, however, that this makes things very very limited for me. I get taken to work and picked up from work. On occasion I take a cab. There is no bus I can take. I live in a suburban area. I can walk to a grocery store for food, and beside that is a theater for entertainment sakes.
I live with my grandparents and uncle. I moved back in here after splitting with my ex husband. Many of the veteran lotters will remember him. I am sure even a few will admit to not liking him. In any case, my grandfather is the only one able to drive in this household. He is not getting around so well and that has me worried. I Want to be here more so that I can access things and so that I can get ready to take on more responsibilities as well. I do realize that if i am here more it means less money for me. Money that I need to have saved for my unsure future. My uncle has a condition that messes with his memory and cognitive function. You can see where I am heading with this. Out of the two of us, I will be the primary person taking care of my grandparents as they become unable to do certain things.
This is wherein the job issue comes forth. I can survive with very little. If I can pay my cellphone bill ( A necessity) and be able to keep paying down my medical bill I will be fine. I can earn a little bit online, I know that. I know it's not the most reliable source of income. This is where the conundrum comes in. I am tired, I want to have a break from work. My grandfather isn't getting around so well and I want to be able to be here to assess things, and so that he is not having to worry about taking me to and from work. I've started planning for things I can take over to help ease his travel needs.
This won't be a short lived decision though. This will have to become almost a way of life for me. Am I fine with this? Yes. My grandparents have taken care of me my whole life. Yes I had my mother but financially? They have always been there. This place has always been a safe, albeit crazy haven.
I have my dreams, I have things I want. I haven't considered the future as far as relationships go. I've been single for years and mostly content with that. I need to be here for my family, and I need to be here for myself. I need time to figure things out, and I need time to relax. A vacation? Out of the question.
I can write if I set my mind to it. Sure I need to brush up on some of my grammar, but I can be as creative as anyone else. I Don't know, I'm tired. [/b]
If you have read this far, I thank you. I welcome any and all suggestions. I don't welcome derogatory comments though. I will throw rotten tomatoes at those who are derogatory.
[/b]
This next part is me revealing things that are tough for me to admit.
[b]I know how to drive. Let me throw that out there. I know how to drive, but that doesn't mean I am practiced in it. I don't drive, and I don't mind that I don't drive. I'm more of a homebody anyway. I do realize, however, that this makes things very very limited for me. I get taken to work and picked up from work. On occasion I take a cab. There is no bus I can take. I live in a suburban area. I can walk to a grocery store for food, and beside that is a theater for entertainment sakes.
I live with my grandparents and uncle. I moved back in here after splitting with my ex husband. Many of the veteran lotters will remember him. I am sure even a few will admit to not liking him. In any case, my grandfather is the only one able to drive in this household. He is not getting around so well and that has me worried. I Want to be here more so that I can access things and so that I can get ready to take on more responsibilities as well. I do realize that if i am here more it means less money for me. Money that I need to have saved for my unsure future. My uncle has a condition that messes with his memory and cognitive function. You can see where I am heading with this. Out of the two of us, I will be the primary person taking care of my grandparents as they become unable to do certain things.
This is wherein the job issue comes forth. I can survive with very little. If I can pay my cellphone bill ( A necessity) and be able to keep paying down my medical bill I will be fine. I can earn a little bit online, I know that. I know it's not the most reliable source of income. This is where the conundrum comes in. I am tired, I want to have a break from work. My grandfather isn't getting around so well and I want to be able to be here to assess things, and so that he is not having to worry about taking me to and from work. I've started planning for things I can take over to help ease his travel needs.
This won't be a short lived decision though. This will have to become almost a way of life for me. Am I fine with this? Yes. My grandparents have taken care of me my whole life. Yes I had my mother but financially? They have always been there. This place has always been a safe, albeit crazy haven.
I have my dreams, I have things I want. I haven't considered the future as far as relationships go. I've been single for years and mostly content with that. I need to be here for my family, and I need to be here for myself. I need time to figure things out, and I need time to relax. A vacation? Out of the question.
I can write if I set my mind to it. Sure I need to brush up on some of my grammar, but I can be as creative as anyone else. I Don't know, I'm tired. [/b]
If you have read this far, I thank you. I welcome any and all suggestions. I don't welcome derogatory comments though. I will throw rotten tomatoes at those who are derogatory. 4 people like this
4 responses
@TiarasOceanView (70035)
• United States
1 Jan 16
Though you are not satisfied with the work and who could blame you, you are to be commended for staying put and wanting to care for your aging grandparents.
I can understand your tiredness though as it is a lot to think of in the future.
You are a good person and that is all the counts friend.
I dont have any suggestions except what you are doing.
It IS a safe place for you to be and compared to the outside world, I feel you are not missing out on a lot.
I hope that one day you will indeed tho, get a vacation. You deserve it!!
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104632)
• United States
1 Jan 16
I think, in the long run, waiting for a vacation is worth it. I truly want to visit the UK and have been (secretly) saving up for that. A very little at a time, but it goes a long way.
My grandmother told me (in regards to work) that they sense I am a good person and that they use me too much. She's not happy with the way they do.
3 people like this
@TiarasOceanView (70035)
• United States
1 Jan 16
@ScribbledAdNauseum Yes I imagine she is not pleased your grandmother at the way you are being taken advantage of by that work place.
I wish there were some other option for you.
The UK is a wonderful place to vacation Narnia..I really hope it happens for you..you would be so happy
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104632)
• United States
4 Jan 16
@TiarasOceanView I'd like to be able to take a cousin with me as she would enjoy it as much as I would. I'd have to be the one to fund her trip though as she has health problems that keep her from being able to work.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157562)
• United States
1 Jan 16
I am in a same but different scenario. They type of work I have done often ends up being more and more hours. We do not have a reliable second vehicle for me to search for a job. I could get one easily, and the place says upfront that they expect sixty four hour weeks. Not happening. I am eligible for and am drawing early Social Security. My husband is older than I and still working full time. You chase the "what ifs" round and round. I think you need to pick up your driving again, soon. Get practiced at it. I have been told that Medicare can and will pay you to take care of your family members under certain conditions. It sounds as if you may have three to take care of. This is a long response. I am seeking out all kinds of things wondering about earning from them. You need to do the same. I am still needed to help my sister even though she does not live with me. Good luck, Amber. I am glad to share anything I learn with you.
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104632)
• United States
1 Jan 16
I thought about the caregiver situation. I have heard about being able to become the caregiver an being compensated. I sort of did that with my ex husband's great grandmother. I was employed via the hospital in that situation. The truth is that I know I need to get practiced at driving again but that's another financial strain. I have no way of practicing without paying someone to help me and in that situation I get nervous. I get nervous with the driving personnel at the DMV. You are right when you say I may end up taking care of three people. Its not something I want to think about though.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12269)
• United States
1 Jan 16
I feel for you, I know what you mean. I personally am not working, I've always had a difficult time finding a job, as I have anxiety issues that make it difficult for me to pass interviews. My boyfriend works a lot of long hours. An uncertain future makes things more stressful. I honestly don't know what suggestions to give. Depending on your credentials you could try finding a job that allows you to work from home. Find a way to take classes that can give you a degree in a job that allows you to work from home like a web designer or something. I honestly am not great with the suggestions as I still have no idea what I'm doing with my own life.
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104632)
• United States
1 Jan 16
Web designing was a dream I once had. In fact it was sort of a scheme for three friends. I was to be the web designer, another friend the director, and another the photographer. I am not sure where we thought we were going with that though. I have anxiety issues as well but they don't seem to have an affect on my interview process. I don't interview as well as others I imagine, but my work history usually seals the deal.
There are online classes that can be taken, even some that are provided free. I think though that I would be signing up for ones as refresher courses for English.
@sissy15 (12269)
• United States
1 Jan 16
@ScribbledAdNauseum You could definitely look into it then. I know web designers often get to work from home, the also make fairly decent money.
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104632)
• United States
1 Jan 16
@sissy15 I am not sure how in demand they are now. It seems as if most of the people who need a website designed go through a company to get it done, or hire people to work for them that way. I know youtubers are often asking about people designing graphics for them but most of them do their own graphics at the same time.
Still, I shouldn't close that door entirely.
About 10 years ago I was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder. It's something that I have sort of grown away from, but it caused me a lot of anxiety for the first couple of years.
Have you ever heard of it?
@mawhite (242)
• United States
1 Jan 16
It seems like you have so much on your mind. You're wanting to support your grandfather and pay your bills, but at the same time you feel so exhausted. You're working but clearly not happy in your job. If there is so much turnouver with part time people, it seems like a challenging place to be :(
I've been in that position where I've wanted to earn more, and yet at the same time felt so exhausted. I find it's also very difficult when you're living in an area that doesn't have great public transportation.
I wish I had some wise advice, but all I can say is I'm sorry, and I get it. Take care
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104632)
• United States
1 Jan 16
Thank You. That is enough. As long as I know there is someone who can sympathize with my situation. I've been with the company since 2011. Out of my team, I have been there the longest. Some have been with the department more, some have been with the company longer, but I have been their the longest with the store.
I am exhausted, and fed up with being "consoled" instead of things being "corrected".
2 people like this
