Abuse

@just4him (110171)
Green Bay, Wisconsin
January 27, 2016 1:31pm CST
Abuse comes in many forms. There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, and emotional abuse to both people and animals. There is disrespect and there is not caring about anyone but yourself and treating people as objects instead of people. In my lifetime I have been abused physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally. On several occasions I have been the victim of someone's wrath and received broken ribs from the physical attack on my person. There is a saying we all learn as children - Sticks and stones will break the bones but words will never hurt you. I don't know who came up with that saying, but it is so wrong. Words hurt more and last longer than any broken bone ever will. The taunts and jeers go deep into your psyche to humiliate and make you feel incompetent and worthless. A person can go a full lifetime feeling like they will never amount to anything, or be able to achieve their dreams. They've been browbeaten so badly by every concept they ever thought of, that to ever voice an opinion about anything is furthest from the mind. Not to mention that if you do voice an opinion, it is completely ignored or treated with contempt. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with myself - to see myself as a person of worth, a person who has valid opinions and ideas, a person who can make something of her life. Today I need to come to terms again as disrespect and verbal abuse has once again crossed my doorstep. My anger lashed out in such a way as has not been seen in many years as I struck the person who taunted and jeered, and verbally shamed me yesterday. It is not something I am proud of. Quite the contrary, I am ashamed of my actions and how much the person provoked me to such action on my part. I have talked to two people about what took place yesterday. I learned something I didn't know or thought I did know, but was told different, when in fact what I did know, is in fact correct. Now did you follow that? I've spent a lifetime learning as everyone does, and what we learn we use to our advantage, stored away in our memories until we need it. Sometimes what we learn is used on a daily basis and doesn't need any amount of recall. However, there are those things we learn and store away that people can use to persuade us that what we know we don't know at all. Such was the case yesterday when I told the person to leave and if he didn't do so I would call the police. He simply told me I couldn't do that, and said I have no right to kick him out in winter. After talking to the first person, in order to calm down and get myself under control, I was told I could follow through and kick him out. There is no landlord/tenant agreement, and his name is not on the mortgage papers. Therefore I don't need to give him any kind of time frame to leave my home, and I can have the police escort him from my home and press charges against him. I am so tired of the abuse taking place in my life. It is one of the many reasons why I am in counseling - to find the person of worth I really am. Thank you for reading this and I hope you will have consideration for the people in your life and not abuse or shame them in any way, but give them the respect they deserve.
19 people like this
13 responses
@TRBRocks420 (73935)
• Banks, Oregon
27 Jan 16
I am sorry you had to deal with that and, yes you should put him out, that's not right at all and, you deserve way better.
5 people like this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
27 Jan 16
He's not here at the moment. I don't know what it will be like when he does return.
4 people like this
@TRBRocks420 (73935)
• Banks, Oregon
28 Jan 16
@just4him I hope everything goes ok, call the police if you have too.
3 people like this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
28 Jan 16
@TRBRocks420 I will.
@Missmwngi (9583)
• Nairobi, Kenya
27 Jan 16
Don't let that bring you down. You are a person so much worth to me. You know those Daily Bible Study you write;i am yet to come across such online. I love the way you do it. Keep it up Sorry for what you had to go through
5 people like this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
27 Jan 16
Thank you. I started those Daily Bible studies a long time ago. When I was doing them one day, God impressed on me to share them. It must be almost 20 years now. When I read the text for the day, I ask God what He wants to tell me and what He wants me to know from the text and how to apply it to my life.
6 people like this
@Missmwngi (9583)
• Nairobi, Kenya
27 Jan 16
@just4him You really do it very well and continue the good work
5 people like this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
27 Jan 16
@Missmwngi I will. Thank you.
4 people like this
@Elizaby (3594)
• Pensacola, Florida
27 Jan 16
I grew up in a abusive home and still have some of the effects especially of the verbal abuse because words are powerful, but God is more powerful and is delivering me. The seed that caused your father to abuse was passed on through the generations and though for the most part you have had control over the anger etc. except for times like you mentioned it is time to ask God todelvier you and show you how to help your children who inherited this seed to overcome so that it is uprooted from affecting future generations. Perhaps the reason behind the abusive backlash was that the one did not know how to did with the grief he was rsperiencing over losing his pet.
4 people like this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
27 Jan 16
I really thought I had been delivered from that, but yesterday showed me different. Losing Pip might have a small part to do with what happened, but it wasn't all of it.
4 people like this
@jstory07 (65395)
• Roseburg, Oregon
28 Jan 16
If he is abusing you. You do need to get him out of your house.
3 people like this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
28 Jan 16
I'm sure he doesn't see it as abuse. I won't call the police and I think he knows that. He simply will not leave.
1 person likes this
@Jackalyn (6620)
• Oxford, England
29 Jan 16
@just4him This is the mistake you are making. Calling the police is exactly the wake up call this person needs. You will win them, not lose them. I speak from experience.
2 people like this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
29 Jan 16
@Jackalyn It might come to that. Right now I'm taking it one day at a time.
@fishtiger58 (30371)
• Momence, Illinois
28 Jan 16
I haven't known you long, but I would say you are a very worthy person and I'm glad I know you. I'm sorry this incident happened and I'd say it's time to make you happy. I don't know what you will decide to do but know that life is short, and you can and should be happy in your everyday life. If this person insists on making you unhappy ask them to leave.
3 people like this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
28 Jan 16
I did. He won't budge.
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (30371)
• Momence, Illinois
29 Jan 16
@just4him That is a problem.
1 person likes this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
29 Jan 16
@fishtiger58 Yes it is.
1 person likes this
@Platespinner (16532)
• Winston Salem, North Carolina
27 Jan 16
Sorry you have had to deal with that, but good for you that you stood up for yourself!
2 people like this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
27 Jan 16
I don't feel like I've stood up for myself yet. I need to let him know his time is up.
2 people like this
@ramapo17 (22583)
• Melbourne, Florida
29 Jan 16
@just4him Good luck. Maybe it is best for you to have a friend or someone there for you in case he goes off the deep end.
1 person likes this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
29 Jan 16
@ramapo17 I have a friend who called me at just the right time when everything blew up, and we talked, and she told me I could call her any time.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 16
I'm sorry you had to go through that and I agree, there is more to abuse than hitting someone. Also you don't have to answer my question in my post about being a writer, I read on your profile that you have some published work. What genre are your stories?
2 people like this
• United States
28 Jan 16
@just4him Oh that is so cool. I write suspense/romance and is based on my faith too. Do you use a pen name? I would like to check into your books.
1 person likes this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
28 Jan 16
@Carmelanirel2 I write under my full name - Valerie Jean Routhieaux
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (47790)
• Centralia, Missouri
28 Jan 16
honestly, it is best if he isn't there. He is an adult, and thus, could keep his mouth shut, as he is there as a favor. I know you feel a measure of needing to help, but you really don't. If it's not safe, well, you gotta do what you gotta do. and yes, words do hurt more I think, and for longer.
2 people like this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
28 Jan 16
I'm going a day at a time. So far today I haven't seen him for more than a few minutes and we didn't speak.
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
29 Jan 16
@just4him whatever it takes to be safe for sure
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (39298)
• Greencastle, Indiana
2 Feb 16
you have done your part in raising them if they haven't got their life in order by now it's no ones fault but their own, cause they expect YOU to take care of them the rest of their lives cause they don't want to grow up that's why I say forget trying to save the place put your stuff in storage & move where they can't live off you cause that's all he wants to do he don't care about your feelings or your health if he did he wouldn't treat you like he does you have to live for your self to get where you want to be if you DON'T & let him do this to you your letting him get away with it. I don't like being so up front but when it comes to ABUSE it's time to speak up.
1 person likes this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
2 Feb 16
I hear you. I know you're right. He has surgery this Friday. He will be out as soon as possible afterwards.
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (39298)
• Greencastle, Indiana
2 Feb 16
@just4him I wish you all the best in getting through everything you have on your plate you have to deal with right now I wish there was SOMETHING I could do to help you out of all this.
1 person likes this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
3 Feb 16
@sugartoes There is - You can pray with me that everything will turn out okay.
1 person likes this
• Midland, Michigan
28 Jan 16
Sorry about this situation. I began with the other post and then came here, so I'm guessing you're talking about your son? I didn't realize the whole situation with him living there was so dire and causing you this anguish. It sounds like he's trying to get his own way. I'm a bit surprised that you let him use your phone, but maybe that was easier than any fight that may have ensued instead?
1 person likes this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
28 Jan 16
His hasn't returned yet from being fixed. I've always had trouble with this son. We just can't live together. Sooner or later we come to heads, and we did in a bad way Tuesday night. He always tries to get his own way, and usually succeeds as I lose every battle.
1 person likes this
• Midland, Michigan
29 Jan 16
@just4him Is this the only son that's lived with you recently, the one you've driven back and forth to work many times? Is he not on meds for either of his ailments? Is he the oldest child of yours? If not, would another help to boot him out so you won't have to involve the police? Does he have his own key to enter and exit at will and would you need to get the locks changed once he moves out, or would he at least honor that when it comes? I can't imagine being at loggerheads that much with one's child, but I know that it happens all the time. If it's the same son that's been there, he's been there for quite some time already. I too, will do my best to remember to pray for you and your strength of will and his meekness to heed your decision.
2 people like this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
29 Jan 16
@MarshaMusselman I have two sons. My youngest is the one that has lived with me for six years and is meek and mild compared to my oldest who is the one I'm at loggerheads with as you said. It is my oldest I've put restraining orders against in the past. I won't need to change the locks when he leaves. He's only been here a few weeks, and will be leaving once he heals from his surgery coming up on Feb. 5.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (96669)
• Marion, Kansas
1 Feb 16
This is how my sister came to live with me for a year. She was being abused, neglected and exploited. You must stand up for yourself, as you do understand that this is not right.
1 person likes this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
1 Feb 16
I know, but it hasn't been easy, even when I stood up for myself.
@vandana7 (62538)
• India
29 Jan 16
An extremely honest account. :) I think I did have anger management issues as a youngster. But I think anger management problems are not essentially related to the specific episode. There is a deep seated problem that needs to be looked in eye and we then need to tell ourselves...ok..so it is like this. It is by no means the best I deserve. Nevertheless, it is the only way it is.
1 person likes this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
29 Jan 16
I agree.
@Jackalyn (6620)
• Oxford, England
29 Jan 16
Verbal abuse always escalates into physical abuse. There is a form of emotional abuse where the other person works on getting you to react. Just now, this person is toxic. A toxic relationship needs a break and counselling. You need to look after you. You cannot afford to have someone wind you up like this.
1 person likes this
@just4him (110171)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
29 Jan 16
I know, and I wish my next counseling appointment wasn't three weeks away, but the pastor I'm counseling with is going on a retreat with the seniors in the school that is also part of the church he is with.