Commitment Phobia
By Shayani Saha
@Shayani (250)
Pune, India
February 20, 2016 12:48am CST
I have this childhood friend of mine , and recently as he shared his personal issue with me. The girl he is seeing since a long time , as he mentioned have " commitment phobia" ...
My friend is planning to settle down and have proposed this girl for marriage recently, but she said that though she loves him immensely, she cannot say whether she can marry him or not. My friend is now all messed up,not understanding what went wrong. He even confessed to her saying that he cannot think of settling down with any other girl after all these years of togetherness. But the girl is adamant , refused to give commitment.
He is asking me to suggest him , what should he do now. But what I felt , is that may be she have trust issue and may be she is not confident about him. What I came to know all these years from him is that , she is a wonderful lady and she is quite serious about him, neither she is the kind to cheat him, and move on without him.
I really want my childhood friend to be happy and settled down. He is a wonderful guy, at the same time I am sure he can be a very good husband and partner for a lifetime journey. Somehow this issue is bothering me too since the day I had a discussion with him, so thought of sharing with you all, so that I can get you people's opinion regarding this. Kindly tell me how he can convince the girl to marry him , as I know he might not be able to cope up without her.
4 people like this
7 responses
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
20 Feb 16
I can relate to that, I loved my ex a lot. But I never felt secure in a relationship with him.
So ya, I wouldn't have committed to him.
In fact, I like my life how it is, I don't particularly want to "give it up" to be someone's wife or mother.
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
21 Feb 16
@Shayani yep that sounds like a plan. Tbh, she might be ready soon, or she might not be, in any case, your friend should prepare to accept her decision.
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
20 Feb 16
@skysnap that's not commitment phobia, that's just refuse to date selfish jerks. good on ya
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
23 Feb 16
To my mind the girl in question is indecisive in nature. She may be in love with your friend but she is not sure whether she should marry him or not. If a person is indecisive in nature, this could lead to many complications and could be hazardous in future. Your friend needs to take a stand about his future. If her girlfriend is non committal, he needs to decide whether the girl could be his suitable partner in his life or not. If he has doubts, he will have to sever the relationship (how hard it may be for him) and he will have to move ahead.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
24 Feb 16
@Shayani Pending a decision could lead to uncertainty, which is not good in any relationship.
@Shayani (250)
• Pune, India
23 Feb 16
you are right, she might be indecisive, but this approach without her realization have created lot of complications and questions in their relationship. I can be a friend in need for them but I cannot judge her at this point of time. But definitely I will share all your views and opinions with my friend , and will let him take his decision accordingly. He need to take a different approach towards this matter I guess. Lets see.... Thanks.
1 person likes this
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32507)
• Calgary, Alberta
21 Feb 16
I think she still have many ambitions and dreams that she wants to pursue before settling down. This woman should be saving her eggs so she can still have a baby years from now.
2 people like this
@dazzledlady (1618)
• Philippines
21 Feb 16
Well, its hard to trust but if you say they are in a relationship and she seem is not the type who will cheat then I am guessing he is not sure of his feelings for him or she has a different priority at this time
1 person likes this
@Shayani (250)
• Pune, India
21 Feb 16
I think , its a matter of time, may be my friend need to make her realize his importance in her life and if she feels that yes she can give him priority along with other priorities in her life, then she should take a call, else i would ask my friend, to give her her sweet time to take a final call on their settlement.
@rajendraingale (289)
• Estado De Mexico, Mexico
20 Feb 16
@Shayani (110)
Hi ,
Quite a complicated situation for your friend and I feel sorry for him. As far as what I have read, it seems he is really a nice and loving guy and adores her beyond her imaginations and gives her a priority in almost everything. I´m not an expert on ladies, but I would suggest him that give her a littel space in a way that she starts missing him . He has to start making her realise his importance in her life and only then she would be able to come to her final decision.
No matter what the answer, but he has to do it fast , as they have been together since a long time and if he waits for more time and eventually if she denies, it would be hard for him to get over it. So, sooner the better and he has to start taking his plans in actions.
Best of luck .
2 people like this
@rajendraingale (289)
• Estado De Mexico, Mexico
21 Feb 16
@Shayani
Love is a mystery for sure, where it gives a power to express himself for someone and also takes away all the power and just leaves to be in that aura to be happy within himself without expressing nothing.
I think one has to take stand and express according to the situation and leave a mark, without worrying for the consequences . Consequences would give him a chance to be strong and to face the situation. Ask him , to stand for himself and don't let him be taken for granted. You never know, Love can be used just as a weapon sometimes.
1 person likes this
@CaptAlbertWhisker (32507)
• Calgary, Alberta
21 Feb 16
I think she still have many ambitions and dreams that she wants to pursue before settling down. This woman should be saving her eggs so she can still have a baby years from now.
1 person likes this
