I Can't Even Lose Properly

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Now that I'm TRYING to lose, I win. Week 20 of our Fantasy Hockey season is in the books, and my team, Team Tuaca, churned out a 13-point victory, 109-96. The problem is, I wanted to lose, especially to the guy I was playing. The win gives me a 5-15 record, last in my division, but he and I were tied for last in the entire league heading into week 20. I want dead, glorious last, so that I can get the first pick in next season's draft. If the season ended today, I would pick second. I think the first three players picked next season will be Alexander Ovechkin, Patrick Kane, and Sidney Crosby. With the second pick, I'd have a choice of two of those guys, but I want to have the option of all three. And now you see why I'm playing to lose at this point. Wish me luck. Or rather, wish me bad luck. I need to pile up some losses. And it starts today.