My Depression Story in a Nut Shell

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In grade school I had stomach problems. My family thought it was caused from indigestion and had me on this awful medicine that tastes like what chicken poo smells like. Looking back I know it was the beginnings of stress and anxiety. When I was a teenager I had problems with my mood. I slept around the clock. I missed a lot of school because I just couldn't cope with it. There were medications and psychiatrists and counselors and nothng really helped a lot. I went through a drinking phase when I was in my thirties. I really thought that alcohol helped me come out of my shell. There were several failed marriages. Blah, blah and blah. My daughter is bi-polar and wasn't correctly diagnosed until she had had her children taken away. In 1996 I took guardianship of my granddaughter, also bi-polar, for awhile and tried to help her and hold down a full-time job. My stress load was such that I even told my doctor I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. She prescribed several different anti-depressants and finally sent me to a psychiatrist with the hope of finding medication that would help. The psychiatrist interviewed me for about five minutes and prescribed Remeron for my anxiety. I have been on it ever since. I was diagnosed with severe depression with panic attacks in 2006 and took an early retirement the following year. After several months, and nearly being evicted, I was excepted on Medicare early and am now getting SSD. I had been having bad bouts of the depresson for most of my adult life. Psychiatrists have prescribed Zoloft, Effexor, Cymbalta, Wellibutrin, Citalopram, and several others I don't recall. Went on Paxill at one point in the mid 90's and this was the first time I had felt happy in many years. After two years on it I had a sudden decline and thought, once again, I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Panic attacks are such fun. In 2014 I had the Genome Testing done where they swab your mouth and you get the DNA testing done. The meds that it showed might be best were Lithium and Pristiq. I took these for several months and didn't see any change in my mood. The side effects were so bad I had to go off of both. So now all I take is the Remeron which is for anxiety. I can sure tell when I haven't taken it. Nothing works for my depression. I discussed going back on Paxil with my doctor the last time but I am afraid of that decline happening again. Nothing has worked and I have resigned myself to living with depression and sometimes feeling afew steps away from the straight jacket.