It's a curious thing....

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It's a curious thing you know... This inexplicable sorrow that courses through me at the moment. I've talked about a co-worker who is leaving. His official last day is tonight, but the last time I would see him was last night, or rather at 5 this morning when he left. I shook his hand bid him the best of luck and smiled. Inside though I was a whirlwind of emotions. You see, I have a bit of a problem with anxiety, and I was once diagnosed with an adjustment disorder. I can't say that I truly have such a problem anymore, but from time to time I feel a bit... unsteady to change. I wish this guy the best of luck but I will miss him. Not just as a co-worker but not really as a friend since we weren't friends... I guess you could say it will be different without him... I'm jealous he's leaving in a way, but I am also a bit upset because I know that means more change and I can get through it, and will get through it, but it will be an obstacle for me for sure. I don't think I am pushing / blaming all of this new change on him, as it isn't his fault at all... I guess it's hard to explain, especially to people who've never dealt with an adjustment disorder. When I was a teenager, I was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder. It was hard to explain to my friends that I felt both joyous for their budding romances as well as jealous and lonely because of it.. It distanced us somewhat but we got through it, and as I got older, and had more experiences of my own.. this disorder faded into the deep recesses of existence. It's reared it's ugly head again but I'll be ok... I know now how to get myself through it. Onward and Upward...