The Blink of an Eye

September 23, 2016 11:50am CST
How does life change in the blink of an eye? You go to bed one night as you have every other night for the last 13 years, a mother of a wonderful living, loving boy (and 4 other wonderful children, of course.) You get up after a rotten night's sleep, throwing on your clothes to run to the store as you do so often as a mother of five. In the blink of an eye.... your eleven year old yells your name to tell you something is wrong. You sigh expecting it to be just another one of those normal mom things. How could it be anything else? But it is. It's the most horrific thing. Your eleven year old has just found his older brother dead in bed and life no longer makes sense. The agony, the pain, the disbelief..... The shock. It all sets in. Life has ended. Yet... the pages of the calendar keep turning. And in the blink of an eye, nearly four years have passed since that horrific day. I still find myself thinking, "This can't be true," though obviously, I know that it is. I still occasionally find myself shaking my head, trying to erase those moments from my memory. Like simply shaking my head could do that. Erase the hell that is now my memory. In the blink of an eye, my son died with no warning.... And I have to keep living and moving and going for my other children. How can life change so quickly?
20 people like this
17 responses
@xFiacre (4388)
• Ireland
23 Sep 16
@jillybean1222 At least we get to waken up from regular nightmares. It must be awful having to keep living through one as awful as yours.
5 people like this
23 Sep 16
Yes, and in the beginning, it truly did feel like it just had to be a nightmare because how could real life be so awful....
4 people like this
@Platespinner (16510)
• Winston Salem, North Carolina
23 Sep 16
Life can certainly turn in a moment and I can only imagine your pain over the loss of your son. A health issue that one of our kids deals with has me frequently checking on said child to make sure breath is still going in and out.
5 people like this
@jennyjoy (1967)
• Bangalore, India
24 Sep 16
So sorry to hear of your terrible loss.May God give you the strength to carry on.Only time will heal this painful wound.
4 people like this
@Juliaacv (29683)
• Canada
24 Sep 16
I know your pain, and wish that things like this didn't or couldn't happen.
4 people like this
@LadyDuck (152680)
• Switzerland
23 Sep 16
What a horrible memory. I am so sorry and there are no words that can be said. I know that nothing can bring him back and nothing can make you feel better. You must go on for your other children, for yourself. I am so sorry.
4 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (74680)
• Canada
23 Sep 16
I am so sorry for your loss and the hurt you live with day after day. I can't not even begin to imagine what that day was like or how it feels to keep moving forward. Your other children need you so you have no choice but to keep going. It would be devastating for them too to have lost a brother or suddenly like that and for your son who found him. My heart breaks for all of you. Sometimes there just aren't any answers.
4 people like this
@XinfulThotz (4187)
• Singapore, Singapore
23 Sep 16
sorry for your loss.
4 people like this
@responsiveme (14727)
• India
27 Sep 16
I am very sorry , no answers to give you. Your family needs you...even that sounds trite,,,but you know it deep inside you that you got to be there for them.Take care.
3 people like this
• Eugene, Oregon
24 Sep 16
It is so difficult for you I know. There is no answer to the question you ask, but I wish there were. I know you continue to be a good mom to your children in spite of your loss.
3 people like this
@JustBhem (32966)
• Davao, Philippines
23 Sep 16
I am sorry for your loss. Yeah, we cannot expect things will happen as we plan. That is why, we need to be thankful for every mornings we make. I am very sad at the moment. I know this too shall pass. And as what you've said, life must keep moving on.
3 people like this
@HazySue (20941)
• United States
3 Oct 16
How awful. There is nothing to compare to the pain of losing a child, especially so unexpectedly. I lost a baby when she was 6 months old, I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child after so long a period of time. There is nothing I can say to make it any better. Just know I am praying for you and your family.
2 people like this
4 Oct 16
thank you & I am sorry that you have lost a child as well! so terrible a thing to experience for any parent.
1 person likes this
@HazySue (20941)
• United States
4 Oct 16
@jillybean1222 it is, a parent should never have to go through this.
2 people like this
@garymarsh6 (13645)
• United Kingdom
29 Sep 16
I can not even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. Every day waking up to that memory. You are a good mum and you know you have to stay strong for your other kids and help them come to terms with it. Your feelings are on the back boiler even though it does not make the pain any easier. Big hugs from me and I am sure from everyone else here.
2 people like this
@mom210 (6710)
• Atlanta, Georgia
23 Sep 16
I am so sorry, You seem so strong to me. When I read your writings you seems like the rock of your family. I am amazed by your strength, I know you are in a lot of pain and I am so sorry for that. I wish there were something I could say to ease it.
2 people like this
@jstory07 (66167)
• Roseburg, Oregon
23 Sep 16
So sorry you loss your son. That is really sad to loss a child. But like you said you must go on for the sake of the other children.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Jan 17
Oh my gosh that is so terrible to hear and I am hoping that your grief is not so much to bear that it is unbearable . . .
1 person likes this
11 Jan 17
there are unbearable moments still, though i get more used to dealing with it and moving forward. i don't like it, but i have no choice. :-(
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jan 17
@jillybean1222 well we always have a choice and this particular time warrants the one you have made
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (25412)
• United States
19 Nov 16
So sorry that you lost your precious boy. I think I have told you this before. I feel that I know Nolan through your writings. My heart aches for the pain that you went through and still are struggling with. I admire you for the strength that you have in living your life. Hugs to you Jill
1 person likes this
19 Nov 16
thank you. it will always be a struggle. :-(
1 person likes this
@LoriAMoore (4839)
• United States
20 Nov 16
Oh my heart goes out to you as I know you relive this day every single day.