When is Helping Your Kids Too Much??

September 24, 2016 3:59am CST
I have two adult kids, they both live four hours away from me. Both have struggled with getting a foothold in this world. My daughter suffers from bouts of depression, BPD. She struggles holding down a job but is currently working in childcare. My son just recently lost his job as well. (shortage of work). They need over $1000 by the end of September to just balance out bills and NOT get evicted. I have helped them their entire life. E-transfer has been a curse and my enemy for years, and I have always felt in my heart that I have done as much for them as I can. My question is to all you wonderful MyLot people who take the time to read this...when is enough enough? This isn't the first time I have bailed them out, at a cost of sometimes NOT paying my own bills, or leaving my own finances in a bind. I have sent my kids thousands of dollars to help them try and survive on their own, and I worry all the time. So I told them only unless there is an emergency can they ask for money, they need to both find jobs and make things work on their own. Life is hard, and we all struggle. So I know they owe all this money before the end of the month, they have NOT asked but I know they are hurting. And I need advice, if I can help them, and advice on how much, or how little. Thanks!! A mom.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@5thHouse (1692)
• Sheffield, England
24 Sep 16
Wow, that's a difficult question, something that I've often pondered. I think sometimes you have to be a bit cruel to be kind, to step back and make them realise they have to do it on their own, but to always be ready to catch them if they have a big fall. It's in a mother's nature to want to help her kids and do all she can, but I do think sometimes they need to find other sources of support and help, especially for things like depression, where professional assistance is needed. Very tricky to find the right balance but part of being an adult is about working through these problems. You're not abandoning them, just supporting them as they take control of their own responsibilities.
@skysnap (17963)
24 Sep 16
I think when they are expecting you to help for smallest ppossible thing. then that is the time you should stop helping kids.
@responsiveme (16834)
• India
24 Sep 16
They have not asked...so wait before sending them. They need counselling as well The balancing act is tough and you need to speak to a person ...whom you trust and who knows them and you....and read the responses here but make up your own mind. Take care. A mom too :)