Cracked.

@eileenleyva (10964)
Philippines
December 10, 2016 4:41pm CST
Advent is a season for reflection, the time one reviews one’s self, not simply as preparation for Christmas, but this time and age, when millennials race for their dreams and ambitions their techie/selfie way, this is the one moment they stop to think about their wish lists and their resolutions. It’s a juvenile thing that I didn’t expect to find my self into. I have had my life and lived it, and I am grateful for the simple and yet stress-laden life. Who’s life isn’t, any way? My meditation though springs not from more desires but from the misgivings friendships has disillusioned me with. I have deleted friends from my life, friends I shared my secrets and my passion with, friends I went running and swimming with, friends I spent hours on the jurassic telephone with, trading tips on this and that, friends I sat on recitals with and shared moments of fun and laughter over dinner tables, pricey or otherwise. Who would think that someone you trust your life with could be jealous or envious or sour with you, when all the time, you believe that love abounds in that friendship. Exactly how I felt when a friend told me she didn’t like my daughter. Wow. I didn’t know how to take that. Another told me that I must not narrate stories about my daughter not unless she is boarded a plane to jet set the world. I was shocked. Another friend estimated my daughter’s future pay, which she believes will be totally super in comparison to her own child’s pay. How we got fast forward into the future, I didn’t know, but I was fine with the today’s meals, no matter how humble. And when someone calls me best friend for life but does not return my calls nor messages, comes to me only when she needs me, I think I have to redefine the acronym BFF. It doesn’t sound right. I am cracked. Honestly, when I decided to end the friendships. there was a pain that pinched my heart. I allowed a few tears to roll down my cheeks. It was for the sadness over the loss of people I thought loved me back. Hu Hu So, in my melancholic state, I have resolved to start friendships again, with fresh faces from the strangers I meet. There is the newspaper peddler who was surprised I sat beside him for a chat, the grocery cashiers and baggers, the disers. the guards, the mendicant children who got ecstatic over a loaf of bread or the value-pack meals I give them from 7-11. For a time, I didn’t think of these lowly people as friends. They were just there at the moment. But when I see them again. they become ecstatic, delighted to see me and strike another quick chat about anything under the sun. I indulge them, of course, I realized that I have so much time to pour in a thought or two to people who genuinely listen. These ordinary people are so true, grateful for the little time I was with them, and wish me safe and all right when I say good-bye. I don’t think I am cracked any more.
3 people like this
4 responses
@averygirl72 (16656)
• Philippines
11 Dec 16
I also had friends that I thought would be real friends but they are just company to me. They are not really helpful in my life. I forget some of them. I rely on my family for friendship. They are always there for us.
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
11 Dec 16
Life is really a lonely journey. I travel alone, I suppose. Praying for my miracle that somehow, a true friend comes along and walk with me. God bless you, averygirl72.
@averygirl72 (16656)
• Philippines
11 Dec 16
@eileenleyva I'm also praying for really good friends who are not jealous types or just belittles me. Right now I have my family and it makes the journey less lonely. Hope God give us real best friends for life.
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
12 Dec 16
@averygirl72 Family is a blessing. Yes, hold on to your family. When life becomes harsh, the family is always there for moral support. Pray for a miracle this Christmas, that God expands your horizon and in that view, you find someone you can call a friend.
• Changsha, China
11 Dec 16
I am agree with you,Redefined new friends with fresh face after you find some friendship is not turely. You deserve have nice life as positive attitude .God bless all you!
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
11 Dec 16
That is correct, Bella. There are too many people waiting to be my friends, I wouldn't want to stick it out with people who don't really love me.
• Changsha, China
13 Dec 16
@eileenleyva Yes,dear. I think so. I also met friends not nice for me. She told others my things that was not ture.I hated her ,however,I decided keep good mood and medicate someone who is ture to be my friend. God will bless us .Life will be better and better!
1 person likes this
@louievill (18671)
• Philippines
11 Dec 16
I would take your tip and try to make new friends, your post made me feel like I had been living in a shell for quite sometime now.
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
11 Dec 16
Yup. Please do that. You will discover that there are so many people with bright smiles and bright ideas. Even the dull and the ignorant, according to Desiderata, have their story. And I love stories, Wish you luck. Oh, and throw the shell back to the sea where it belongs. You are for the people you might you surprise with your being,
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Dec 16
I think you made the right decision, even though it was probably their honest opinion. Your daughters are more important than them, if only they chose to love you and your family. Well, at least you don't get to see them often.
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
10 Dec 16
Thanks, Knight. Glad to have you for a virtual friend.