Remember the moments

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Take a moment to, well, remember the good moments today. I keep saying this year was rough, because it was, for many of us. I know some experienced various losses. I had a dog die. My marriage finally died. That last thing, though, was for the best. I tried. I really did. But he wasn't the best person, had anger issues that were taken out on me often. I stuck with it, even though if I had someone else facing that level of abuse I myself would have told them to walk. Where am I going with this? This morning I was digging through all my old posts, looking for poems for that book I am slowly working on. I could see how much I tried this year. I gave it my best shot. But he chose to cheat, and he chose the ending. I think I said he had plans to save money and basically give it to me and tell me to move on out. I had no idea. I knew we were struggling, and later I knew he thought we were prob not going to make it, but I hadn't given up. I was killing myself trying to fix things. I know now the reason was, that he had all these plans that didn't involve me. I did warn his sidepiece of his temper and abuse, only because she has kids. Didn't need that on my conscious. Anyways, again, I rabbit trail here. I got sad this AM, seeing how hard I tried and how little it mattered....but here is where I was wrong. It did matter. To me. Those moments were, are, super important. I can look back and know I tried. This was not my fault. I didn't give up. I didn't cheat, or lie. I tried. I can now do my best to move on, in a life I am, to be honest, much much happier in. I can remind myself that I didn't fail. That it takes two. That the things I learned about myself make me a better person, and I can take those moments on and live better. So remember the good moments with me today, even if those good moments are small ones, like the smell of your coffee fresh this morning. There will be plenty of bad moments wanting to drag us back down, back into them. Say no! Find that good moment and hold on tight. “You need to spend time crawling alone through shadows to truly appreciate what it is to stand in the sun.” - Shaun Hick