Can having an affair ever be justified

South Africa
September 8, 2006 4:40am CST
I wonder if having an affair can ever be justified because I am guilty of doing just that.I know it's wrong but when I think about how things are going in my marraige,it seems perfectly justified to me.I get everything I'm missing and longing for from my lover but I won't leave my husband for him because of the children.
5 people like this
36 responses
@DJBounce (84)
• Australia
8 Sep 06
I'm sorry, but nothing justifies an affair. At the end of the day, if you don't get what you want from your husband you need to either communicate this with him and try to work it out, or you need to divorce. You say you won't divorce him because of the children, but think of them growing up with other kids knowing their mother is an adulterer. Think how they will feel. And they WILL find out eventually. Sorry, but that is the way things are. You committed to your husband to remain faithful, and you have broken that part of your vows; your marriage must not mean enough to you so it would appear divorce is your best option... in fact, it may be the ONLY option once your husband found out. I mean, put yourself in his shoes: how would you feel if you found out HE was having an affair?
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Oct 06
There must be a reason why she is not getting what she needs from her husband. Maybe he is treating her like garbage and she is trying her best to stay married for the children.. which I don't agree with.. If your miserable I say leave but there is probly a story so don't start burning this lady at the stake!
2 people like this
@raveena (1357)
• India
12 Mar 07
I fully agree with DJ and Jezebel. Nothing can justify your affair. It would be better if you leave your husband than be unfaithful that way you are setting a bad example for your children and do you think your children would be proud of you when they come to know about it.
@melody1011 (1665)
• India
1 Nov 06
I guess it all depends on how you feel and since you feel guilty a part of you wants this to have never happened. We all falter at times in our lives, after all we are human. However it takes courage to change for the better. From the posts i've read that you want to do this. So if you feel that it would hurt your marriage to let your husband know about the affair dont tell him cuase then when you actually want to be loving to him he'll wonder if you are doing it out of guilt or if you really mean it. If you are stuck in a loveless marriage, and there is fighting and arguing in the house, it will definetely be affecting your children so i feel from personal experience it would be better if you guys at least separated for a while before taking the harsh step of divorse. The kids will have undergo adjustments but in the long run they will be better as the wont have to witness any arguements etc. So if you wanna make things work, try telling your husband how you feel about the relationship and you try to change yourself cause remember you can never change anyone but yourself. I hope you married life gets better for everyone's sake.
1 person likes this
• India
12 Mar 07
nice comment
• United States
13 Mar 07
There is nothing that justifies an affair for me either. No matter what I could never hurt my husband that way If you are staying with him because of the kids you are doing nothing but hurting the kids They pick up on things like that.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Mar 07
you are married..it just simply implies that you're no longer available to do unjustify affair...not anymore...what you have to do is to take care of your family..if your marriage is not "right" if you might say so then make it "right" for you to be happy..thinking about your ideals doesn't make sense, because for all we know ther's no such thing as IDEAL..
1 person likes this
@socorban (651)
• United States
12 Mar 07
NEVER, under no circumstances is an affair right or justified. Adultry is one of the most immoral and degrating things one can do to another. You are doing much more damage than good and are selfish, what would your kids think of a cheating adulterous mother? If mine did, she would be disowned, rather a broken household than and adulterous member, what kind of example are you setting for your kids?
1 person likes this
@hartnsoul (558)
• Philippines
12 Mar 07
I hate cheaters! I have my fair share of lying but I am doing my best to avoid it. But affairs are unacceptable! That is against the 10 commandments. Only God has the right to separate what he has bonded. So people who opts for additional relationships are adulterous! Grrr....
@bubba04 (432)
• United States
30 Oct 06
no
1 person likes this
@saphire539 (1641)
• United States
30 Oct 06
No matter what is going on in your marriage it doesn't justify cheating on your husband.You are suppose to talk out your problems with your mate your not comunicating with him by cheating on him.It's not going to solve your problems just going to make them worse.
@Meljep (1668)
• United States
30 Oct 06
Do you see the example you are putting in front of your children? An affair is never justified because of the vows you took. You promised and now it seems you've broken a promise. Have you thought about counseling?
@prasanta (1947)
• India
13 Sep 06
In India-- Never, if you do not have fever.
• United States
12 Mar 07
I was cheated on and I believe if you aren't happy, get out of your relationship and let the other person move on.
• South Africa
12 Mar 07
Just like to say to all of you.I ended the affair months ago and I learned a valuable lesson.Please let it go.Thanks for the good advice and responses.I greatly appreciate it.
@candaceb87 (1362)
• Canada
29 Oct 06
i don't think that you should stay with your husband because of the kids i didn't stay with my ex even though we have a child together!! if it is not right then you should not stay with him!!!!!!!!
• South Africa
30 Oct 06
The problem is that this is my second marraige.I am worried about what people will say.My parents celebrated their 40th anniversary yesterday and they had a long chat with me.They said I need to decide what I wanna do with my life because me and my children can't continue to be so unhappy.They say they'll support me in any decision I make.I am just so tired of talking to my husband.He's really boring and spends all his time playing playstation till 1pm at night.What can I do?
@minty3 (592)
• Nigeria
15 Mar 07
Ha, God! This is not fair to you your husband and your children. Don't you think you're a little bit selfish? How could you be enjoying what will hurt your loved ones and your marital commitment? Please, please, there's no justification for any affair - do give it up!
@rainsong7 (124)
• Canada
13 Mar 07
the biggest injustice we can do to our children is to not be authentic...we make excuses..justify and rationalize our dihonesty in all kinds of ways...how can it be better for your children to stay in a relationship that does not fulfill your needs..where you are being dishonest and deceptive??...the greatest act of love you can do for your children is to be true to yourself...be who you really are..live as you need to live...pursue your happiness..either get out of the relationship if you don't want to do the work to repair it..or quit making excuses and start living as you believe you need to...i mean no offence to you...but sometimes the truth isn't pretty and alot of times the right thing to do is the more difficult road...a loveless dishonest marriage is not a good example or environment for your children nomatter how you look at it...good luck to you
• India
12 Mar 07
if your husband is loyal to your relationship and you are having children then you should resolve the married life matters internally your is injustice to your children as after giving birth to child husband wife reltions are secondary and children are the primary responsobilities of the husband and wife
@jbrooks0127 (2329)
• United States
9 Mar 07
Having and affair is never justified. It may very well seem like it is but it is never. What you are doing is taking the trust your husband has in you and trashing it. Consider how you would feel if you found that he was doing the same thing. What is wrong with sitting down and telling him what you need in that marriage. What you are missing I have no doubt he would love to give you if only he knew what it was and how to do it. There is only one time that men know how to provide this to a woman and that is when he is courting her. He is so attracted to her she becomes all he can think about and of course he treats you nice. But guess what. Most of what you think your getting comes from the newness of it. The forebidden fruit is always sweeter. Ask yourself why you think this is justified. To beeive that means you think your husband treats you the way he does on purpose. NO! It happens to everyone. It's called after the honeymoon is over we get back to real life. If you see yourself divorced down the line and this is okay with you you are doing the right thing. Sooner or later you will get it.
• Netherlands
9 Mar 07
Am 20 years old and my girlfriend cheated on me,but she says she loves me a lot is that possible.We have a child together and i have been there for her through sickness and health and i was just wondering why do people do that.If for any reason she doesn't love me anymore or am not satisfying her she should just tell me.Now she is begging me for a second chance i just don't know what to do
• India
11 Dec 06
no i dont think so that having affair can ever be justified .
@marciascott (25557)
• United States
4 Nov 06
Some times it can be justified.
@kids2ph (214)
• Philippines
4 Nov 06
i think you clearly knew that having an affair can never be justified but you are trying to get rid of the gulity feelings you are now experiencing that's why you are also saying that it is perfectly justified for you. Remember, we are responsible for our actions do not blame your husbands attitude towards you because if that would be a reason for having an affair there'll be a lot doing the same.If you really can't help it leave your husband and face the consequence don;t use your children as an excuse.Be brave enough to face it because you are already brave for doing such a thing!I am not judging you but i am just reminding you that if we want to survive our marriage there are many options and you must just hold on to it.In my opinion, you cannot tolerate anymore the pain you are experiencing from your husband at the present but did you thought about the future effect of your current pleasure? Wouldn't it be much more trouble and pain for you? I'll pray for you and hope that helps to enlighten you.
@spoiled311 (5502)
• Philippines
30 Oct 06
nope...never...sorry to say this...it's adultery and it can never be right no matter how we look at it...