i see, you see, we don't see

January 25, 2017 1:28am CST
Isn't it odd how different people perceive different things in different ways? Take the {alleged} misfits of society, as an example. Where you see a monster, I see a person who's been constantly let down throughout his life, probably from a very young age. I believe the person we become is very much borne of both nature and nurture. We are not a product of just one of these; it is the way our nature is nurtured that sets us on the pathway to good, bad, or a little bit of both. The more we show kindness and respect, even to those whom we think don't deserve it, the better the world would be. There is a girl in college, in a class I support in. When she's present the class behave in a particularly nasty way. When she isn't, the class is - not perfect, but - lovely, ish. The teacher hates her. With a passion. And it shows. This obvious hate fuels the misbehaviour in this student and her friendship group. I sit there and cringe, all the while thinking how the teacher isn't nurturing this girl's nature. Without using it as an excuse, but with the realisation that it is difficult to escape the life we've been born into {which is where nurture comes in}, she comes from a rough family, living on a rough estate. Her home life, by all accounts, lacks discipline and hugs. This is her learned behaviour. She's tough and mean because that's who she needs to be at home. The people she meets, particularly those in authority, see her toughness and horridness and focus solely on that. And that breaks my heart. So yesterday, when the teacher was deliberately winding her up, I sat with her and helped her with her work. I calmed her down, let her have a grumble, explained that she wasn't helping herself with her behaviour, and enabled her to get on. I encouraged her to talk about her feelings and show me her vulnerable side. I nurtured her. I hope that some of that nurture will rub off and balance out the non-nurture she receives at home, but who knows? Maybe it's too late. She did thank me for working with her, and asked if I'd do the same next week. I will, of course I will. The teacher thinks I have the patience of a saint ... Maybe I do. *smile*
8 people like this
5 responses
@WorDazza (9396)
• Manchester, England
25 Jan 17
Well done you. I know a young man who is a similar age to my son (about 23). He's regarded as a little bit wild and can get somewhat out of control. From what I understand about his upbringing it is no real surprise he's like this. I've never seen that side of him. When I asked him about his behaviour and said i was surprised because my experience of him was completely different he replied that it was because I treated him with respect, as an equal. He then almost brought me to tears when he said that he wished he'd had someone like me in his life when he was growing up. It just goes to show that just treating someone with basic respect can have such a huge impact on their behaviour.
2 people like this
25 Jan 17
Absolutely. It's nice that through his friendship with your son, he has you as a role model.
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (9396)
• Manchester, England
26 Jan 17
@Poppylicious My son once said "Steve (name changed) really likes you" then after a brief pause added "I've no idea why!" I'm thinking of doing a swap and having Steve as my son.
@xFiacre (4161)
• Ireland
25 Jan 17
@poppylicious She's obviously going to develop more under you that under the teacher. Keep doing your thing.
2 people like this
25 Jan 17
I will ... it's who I am!
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (142264)
• Switzerland
25 Jan 17
Yes, you have the patience of a saint, but I am sure that this young girl appreciates and is more than grateful for what you do.
1 person likes this
25 Jan 17
I hope so.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (142264)
• Switzerland
26 Jan 17
@Poppylicious I am sure she is happy to have someone who cares about her.
• Philippines
25 Jan 17
Well, It's a good thing that you are there for her but I hope she doesn't abuse your kindness. Have a Nice Day.
1 person likes this
25 Jan 17
Let's hope not. Still, even little steps and minor setbacks are better than not trying at all. :)
@jstory07 (64292)
• Roseburg, Oregon
25 Jan 17
All you can do is hope that it is not to late.
1 person likes this
25 Jan 17
I suspect it probably is. But at least I can hold my head up high and say that I tried. :)