Have you ever felt like you were being taken advantage of for being to kind?
March 23, 2017 3:28am CST
I have had this question going through my mind all day. I have always considered myself to be a kind-hearted and compassionate person. I have always tried to help others any way that I can, and I don't feel bad for doing that. I just get to feeling like sometimes people take advantage of that kindness. I have a great aunt and uncle (she is 70 and he is 81) and my family and I have been put in the position of taking care of them. My mother and father and only sibling have already passed away, and other than cousins these are the last close relatives that I have around. Their children (they have 8 between the two of them) all live in other states. My aunt is on peritoneal dialysis and has to go out of town to see her kidney doctor twice a month. And my uncle has to go to his doctor's appointments as well. They have both been in and out of the hospital numerous times in the last few months, and we have been elected to transport the other back and forth to visit. This trip is about an hour away, and they want to stay there for several hours when they get there. I really care for them, and I don't mind in the least helping them. But this is getting very hard for me and my family mentally, physically, and financially. My husband does most of the driving and he is a heart patient, (post quad bypass) and he has osteoarthritis in his neck and lower back really bad. These trips are very hard for him, I am at a loss as to what to do in this situation. Their kids will not come here to help them and they both have COPD and CHF and they cannot go to where the kids live because of their breathing issues. We have a nephew and niece besides me that live here, but they don't help much either. When this first started happening they would ask us to take them here or there. Now it's just "expected" that we take them. And they actually get upset if we can't do it. My 81-year-old uncle will set out driving to get them where they need to go. They've already had one major wreck and both ended up in the hospital. I'm just at a loss as to what to do. If we don't continue helping we are the worst people in the world, but if we do continue it just keeps getting more and more that is expected of us. They love us to death when we do what they want, but get really upset when we have to tell them we can't do it. They actually get mad if my husband won't cancel his doctor's appointment if they have one on the same day. Has anyone else ever faced this issue from being too kind? Sometimes I wish I could be one of those hard-hearted people, that could just say, " No " and not feel bad about it later. Oh well, I guess that's the way the ball bounces, LOL.
4 people like this
• Bunbury, Australia
You have to put a stop to this before your own health(s) suffer. Write a letter if need be to all those involved saying it's impossible to help so much any more. You shouldn't be doing this now. You've done your share. Get tough! It is the only way. They will milk you dry otherwise. It's not my business but that's my opinion. The very best of luck to you.
Yes, many times for me too. And I know what's like to say no and then feel bad after that. What I think you can do is to slowly fading out. You might say yes to one time and no to other time. Let their children do something for them. Maybe they depend on you as you are always there for their parents. Why don't you and your husband go away for a month or so to see if they can cope.