Being Gay in a Small Town (Part One)
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
Banks, Oregon
March 26, 2017 6:04pm CST
Growing up in a very small town, and being raised around many people whom came from very rural upbringings, i grew up often hearing people called F*ggot, and being call Gay, even as a young kid i knew these we're words said to hurt, belittle and make fun of someone.
I never really knew what Gay meant till my later stages of Elementary school, that is also when i realized that i happened to be gay.
I had my first kiss at 8 years old my sister had dared me and my friend Ellen to kiss, i remember feeling like this was so wrong, that Ellen was my friend but i did not want to be her boyfriend, this was not the fear of cooties, this was not me being young and thinking girls we're gross, i just genuinely knew i would rather kiss my neighbor Sean.
Sean was perhaps my first crush, he was not gay, but we we're friends for a number of years i can remember always wanting to be around him, i would eventually leave my small town and start middle school in a slightly bigger town.
I hated middle school i don't think anyone really knew i was gay but the fact is i was always afraid of being found out, i remember being called a f*g in PE and i just froze not saying a word scared that this person somehow knew i was gay, then my friend Carlos told the kid to F-Off unless he wanted to get his as beat.
I think having Carlos as a friend really helped me survive those two years of middle school as i always felt attacked even when i wasnt.
High School i returned to my small town school where everyone knew and remembered me and where i did not feel targeted, i could go back to blending in the background.
I had alot of crushes in High School, and i began to communicate with other teenagers who we're gay online, i had friends online whom knew my every thought things i could not share with any of my friends or family.
It wasn't until i met my first boyfriend at 19 did i finally decide to come out to my friends and family, that however i will talk about in (Part Two)
Picture is me at about 11 in 5th Grade about the time i started to understand what gay was and that i was, it wouldnt be many years later till i told anyone or admitted it myself.
26 people like this
27 responses
@teamfreak16 (43419)
• Denver, Colorado
27 Mar 17
Just in case you haven't, you should acquaint yourself with @amadeo. Very interesting stories about being gay. (Disregard if you already know him.)
4 people like this
@sallypup (58181)
• Centralia, Washington
27 Mar 17
My small town is not super tolerant of differences, either- that includes not attending their choice of church. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for yourself. I'm glad you did. Being different is what makes the world richer.
2 people like this
@sallypup (58181)
• Centralia, Washington
27 Mar 17
@chrissbergstrom I never fit in when in school. I was a loner and delighted to be so. The popular kids were busy potting it out and drinking. I kept far away and did my own thing.
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
27 Mar 17
It's no fun everyone being the same we have to all be proud of our differences from the status quo
2 people like this
@Courtlynn (66918)
• United States
27 Mar 17
Even though you've been out for years, I'm sure it was still a little had to write your story, as not everyone is okay with the subject. But I'm happy you felt comfortable to share with all of us. Hope to see part two soon.
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
27 Mar 17
It has been 11 years since i came out as gay, i came out Febuary 24th 2006 i had turned 19 in October of 2005, so it has been 11 years this Febuary wow....
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
27 Mar 17
@ramapo17 I will be writing part two sometime tomorrow i want to spend more time writing it.
2 people like this
@Plethos (13560)
• United States
27 Mar 17
i also grew up and still live in a rural area. ive seen what you are writing about happen a lot when i was a kid growing up. most of it was just kids being kids. as we got older and in high school, it was no concern to me and my friends if someone was gay. we even stood up for kids getting picked on. and yes, a couple of fights here and there. 
2 people like this
@ramapo17 (30441)
• Melbourne, Florida
28 Mar 17
@chrissbergstrom Back in my day, I would not know what that meant if I heard someone saying it. I remember we never even saw blacks and whites going together.
So much has changed in my lifetime and I wonder what it will be like in the future.
2 people like this
@Plethos (13560)
• United States
28 Mar 17
@chrissbergstrom - thing is, we never knew these kids before the whole dilemmas . we just didnt like the guys getting picked on and we definitely didnt like the guys doing the picking.
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
28 Mar 17
Right i wish i had been able to know my friends would be supportive because they really were but in high school i just did not know.
2 people like this
@librarygeek1980 (3137)
• United States
27 Mar 17
Thank you for sharing, you know, the gay subject has been brought to my mind again lately. (Being in Utah especially is a hard territory to be gay) While I am not gay myself, I have many good close friends that are gay, all of which I grew up with. Your story actually reminds me of a gal I grew up with turned lesbian steampunk author. She actually realized she was gay at 7 in 1987, when just me and her were just playing around at the time. She noted this in her memoirs years later. Another guy I grew up with and had crush on in Jr high is gay. We all knew he was because he wanted to be a hairdresser when he grew up. Hes a pretty amazing and talented guy. My second cousin just married her girlfriend a few months ago, and shes only 4 months older than me. Gay nowadays is more commonplace. Again, thanks for sharing your story. :)
3 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
27 Mar 17
Thank you for your comment and I will definitely talk more in-depth about different family members reactions, one of my best friends recently came out as a lesbian, i honestly never knew i knew that she had experimented with girls but i never knew, now her girlfriend has become one of my close friends to!
3 people like this
@librarygeek1980 (3137)
• United States
27 Mar 17
@chrissbergstrom you're totally welcome, and yes, it's pretty common among women as well. :)
2 people like this
@infatuatedbby (94921)
• United States
28 Mar 17
Many used those terms in school too but no one really came out of the closet until college that I know of
2 people like this
@epiffanie (11326)
• Australia
28 Mar 17
I can imagine how hard it must be for you .. Now I am off to part 2 .. 
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
28 Mar 17
Thank you for reading i will be writing part three later tonight
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
28 Mar 17
It was very hard but i have a wonderful family
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
28 Mar 17
I waited to come out till i turned 19 after graduating high school i am going to write a part two to this soon.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (49151)
• United States
27 Mar 17
What a darling photo. You have traveled a rough road. I hope that your life is a happy one now.
. You have traveled a rough road. I hope that your life is a happy one now.2 people like this
@Tampa_girl7 (49151)
• United States
29 Mar 17
@chrissbergstrom you never know what wonderful things that could be right around the corner.
1 person likes this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
29 Mar 17
Things are alot better now in some respect and worse in others
1 person likes this
@jillybean1222 (6408)
•
27 Mar 17
I grew up in a very small town. So yes, i completely know what you are talking about. It's kind of funny, my little town actually has a very high percentage (in my opinion) of people who are gay. And I often think of how hard it must have been for them. One of them is a very dear friend of mine. And I think he is just now very, very private about his love life. I'm sure that comes from the whole small town thing
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
28 Mar 17
It's so hard to be private in a small town because everyone knows you and knows your business to.
2 people like this
@ramapo17 (30441)
• Melbourne, Florida
27 Mar 17
@chrissbergstrom I always liked that saying too.
1 person likes this
@dwstory (1276)
• Roseburg, Oregon
27 Mar 17
@chrissbergstrom It is what it is. And it is not anything else. Be who you are.
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
27 Mar 17
Those who matter don't mind, and those who don't mind don't matter - one of my favorite sayings.
2 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (99390)
• Canada
26 Mar 17
Thanks for sharing your story with us. It must have been difficult for you at the time. I look forward to reading more.
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
27 Mar 17
I was a very carefree kid so i did not think about it a whole lot but those middle school years did effect me alot and my decisions in the future.....
2 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (99390)
• Canada
27 Mar 17
@chrissbergstrom Middle school is tough for a lot of people for different reasons.
2 people like this
@Nawsheen (28643)
• Mauritius
27 Mar 17
Having people accepting you the way you are is the greatest happiness. I can understand how you were feeling at that time. It can be difficult to open up at times for fear about what others will think about us. But we are all humans and we should accept each other the way they are. And most importantly respect them
2 people like this
@sjvg1976 (41131)
• Delhi, India
27 Mar 17
It's really hard to tell others that you are a gay specially to your family but then when you've told them you might have felt very relaxed. I can understand how many times you may have been hurt when someone called you a gay when you started knowing meaning of a gay.
2 people like this
@JamesHxstatic (29303)
• Eugene, Oregon
28 Mar 17
Teenage years were stressful enough being straight. I can ony imagine how difficult it might be for a gay person.
2 people like this
@workathomefan (8957)
• Prairieville, Louisiana
27 Mar 17
Your fifth grade picture is so cute.
2 people like this
@workathomefan (8957)
• Prairieville, Louisiana
27 Mar 17
I think gays are cool and it's not nice calling gays the f word.
2 people like this
