Should I call CPS on this woman?
By The Horse
@TheHorse (205805)
Walnut Creek, California
May 8, 2017 12:27pm CST
I'm worried about a kid I used to work with. Actually both her and her little brother. They were both kid clients when I worked as a child psychologist at a residential mother-and-child drug rehabilitation facility in Oakland. The little girl was 3 1/2 to 6 when I worked with her. The little boy was 0 (born with us) to 2 1/2. I taught the little girl to read and do math. I got the little boy started on piano.
When we were at the program, the mother totally ignored her daughter, and gave all of her attention to her son, as he was the key to "keeping" her lover at that time. It didn't work. She's never worked, and now has a third child by a new man. When I worked with this family, her daughter was rebellious toward her, but was an angel with me. All she needed was positive attention. The mother eventually put the daughter on ADHD medicine, which she did not need.
When I recently spoke with the mom, she was evasive. She spoke glowing of her latest baby, and didn't mention her daughter, except to say that she was "bad," and "didn't listen." I offered to take the older kids hiking, and she stonewalled me. I don't think she wants the daughter (with whom I was very close--basically a dad) to tell me what her/their living conditions are like.
I am tempted to call CPS and have them do a "check up" on the family. I don't know if there's any CPS involvement right now. But another part of me wants to keep my nose out of things and tell myself I did all I could for this family. What would you do?
34 people like this
40 responses
@RasmaSandra (73473)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
8 May 17
Kids cannot protect themselves. If you are really worried here is a link I found perhaps this might be the answer
You suspect a child is being abused or neglected and you don't know what to do. You may want to stay anonymous because of fear of reprisal or a connection to the family. However, the first concern should always be the welfare of the child....
4 people like this
@TheHorse (205805)
• Walnut Creek, California
8 May 17
As a mandated reporter, I've made several "anonymous" calls over the years, asking if there was enough there to file a report. Usually the answer is no. I would love for the school to be contacted, just so they can keep an eye on the older child, but I would want to follow the proper protocol. I don't know what school the child goes to, but even if I did, I'd go through CPS first.
3 people like this
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
8 May 17
Although its bad that the daughter is fine with you but not her own mother, i dont see any neglect in this post. As most parents give more attention to their youngest than their oldest. Because with them being so young. They need eyes on them most the time. Not so much a 6 year old.
3 people like this
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
8 May 17
@TheHorse still doesnt seem like neglect. But if you feel a way, do something.
2 people like this
@JamesHxstatic (29242)
• Eugene, Oregon
9 May 17
@Courtlynn I would report for at least a check up on that child.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (159105)
• Boise, Idaho
9 May 17
A "check up" wouldn't be bad. But the mom would probably know who put that in motion. So, I probably wouldn't so I could at least have some interaction with the children. But, then if something major happens I would keep CPS as an option. If only you could get to the little girl and see how bad things are.
When I was younger I knew of a woman who just kept getting new boyfriends and would get pregnant with each so her welfare check would go up. Back then that is how they worked. The more kids the more money. Child support wasn't like it is today.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (159105)
• Boise, Idaho
9 May 17
@TheHorse .....They just give you a certain rate. I don't think it goes up with each child.
@TheHorse (205805)
• Walnut Creek, California
9 May 17
@celticeagle I really should research welfare reform. I've known women who said they did the same thing. But I don't know how it works. I think this woman has babies to "keep a man." But it didn't work with baby #2, whom I had a big role in raising early in his life.
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
8 May 17
Cps isnt just for physical abuse. Its for neglect as well.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (205805)
• Walnut Creek, California
8 May 17
@Courtlynn That's what I'm thinking as well.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (36451)
• Toccoa, Georgia
9 May 17
I would call. The child does seem like she is neglected.
2 people like this
@LeaPea2417 (36451)
• Toccoa, Georgia
10 May 17
@TheHorse Oh, goodness, I hope that is not the case.
1 person likes this
@JamesHxstatic (29242)
• Eugene, Oregon
9 May 17
It sounds to me like a check up is needed. The child may be at risk.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (205805)
• Walnut Creek, California
9 May 17
She's definitely at-risk .But is she experiencing anything beyond garden variety poverty? I don't know. I called CPS but was unable to get through. The call volume was too high. If she gets raped or murdered, I'll be a tad miffed.
1 person likes this
@JamesHxstatic (29242)
• Eugene, Oregon
9 May 17
@TheHorse At least. Maybe call early in the day?
1 person likes this
@nanette64 (20364)
• Fairfield, Texas
9 May 17
"When in doubt, find out". I would be very concerned @TheHorse . I have a feeling that the little girl is not doing well.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (157555)
• United States
9 May 17
If you call and things are okay, then no harm done. If you call and things are not okay you may save a life. Trust your gut.
2 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45496)
• United States
9 May 17
I would have already called..why hesitate?
2 people like this
@Marilynda1225 (79769)
• United States
9 May 17
I'd say follow your gut (it's rarely wrong)
2 people like this
@JESSY3236 (18923)
• United States
9 May 17
That's a hard decision. Because people can lie and get away stuff. But I think I would call.
2 people like this
@Dena91 (15874)
• United States
9 May 17
@TheHorse It's a hard situation to be in. I know for me personally, if I felt a child was being neglected I would have to step in for that child because they can't or won't always speak up for themselves. As a kid who was neglected and abused in her childhood, I didn't want to get mother in trouble but I wanted her to stop hurting me and my brother. I just didn't know who to talk to about what was going on. Of coarse being a kid in the 70's, times were much different then than they are now.
I admire you for the work that you do with kids. It's rewarding and heartbreaking. Thank you for what you do. I know that I could not do what you do as I am 100% sure I'd be in jail for being aggressive towards parents who are neglecting or abusing their children. I have zero tolerance for that.
1 person likes this
