I'm thinking about getting a divorce...

@cpefley (1537)
Hemet, California
May 18, 2017 5:23am CST
I love my husband...I really do, but I'm sick. I'm very sick, and I don't know if I'm going to get better. The worst part, is that I know I'm not going to get better if he is still here. He isn't the support person I need him to be, and the pressure he puts on me just makes me weaker. I never thought that when we made those "in sickness and in health" vows, I would be so sorely disappointed. It hurts...so bad to even think about it. Plus we have an 8 month old little girl. When I saw the way he treated her tonight, it just pushed me over the edge. When I came home from the hospital last night, the doctor said I needed to sleep. Well, my husband didn't let me sleep. He made me take care of the baby all night. And today was his day off, so I had to do everything, while he napped. It hurts so bad feeling like you don't matter. I'm done. I just keep thinking about the things he's done...and not done. A year ago he deactivated his Facebook because he posted something stupid about not feeling valued on Father's Day (our baby hadn't even been born yet). I spent the whole day, 6 months pregnant, moving crap out of our apartment in a hurry, because he hadn't done it the entire time I was in the hospital (I had a rough pregnancy) and on move out day, I had to do it alone. So yes, I wasn't the most grateful that day. However, his friends, without knowing the situation, made vicious attacks on me. People I didn't even know telling him he should leave me while I was pregnant, and said things I can't even repeat. I felt awful. So, instead of standing up for me in front of his friends, he just deactivated his FB. The cowardice didn't end there, but I don't have hours to explain everything. I'm just hurting. I love him, but I know that my life would be so much easier without him in it. I'm going to apply for disability tomorrow on the advice of a friend. I need help. I'm broken, and as much as I would LOVE a full time job, I can't even get out of bed every morning. Maybe one day. Right now, I'm on a plethora of drugs to try and help, but the drugs come with their own unpleasant side effects. Well, I'm done boring you all. Hope you are all having a wonderful day!
13 people like this
13 responses
@minx267 (13590)
• Hartford, Connecticut
18 May 17
He definitely sounds toxic ,not only to you physical health but you're mental health as well
1 person likes this
@cpefley (1537)
• Hemet, California
18 May 17
Oh definitely! It doesn't help I'm bipolar, but I take medication and really...the only things that are keeping me down are all things he should be helping me with. Our finances are in shambles because he refuses to get a second job, even though all of his coworkers with families have one, and he had two jobs when he met me...before he had a family. He just wants me to do everything, and I can't. I'm a strong person. I have 6 kids, and was a single mom for a long time, but I'm broken now. My friend keeps telling me that I need to be burned to the ground in order to rise up like a phoenix lol. I hope he is right! hahahaha
1 person likes this
@minx267 (13590)
• Hartford, Connecticut
18 May 17
@cpefley yes, I know where you are coming from.. I have a household with 3 other roommates and for some reason I have to be the one to handle all the bills.. My roommate who is also an ex of mine and we have lived together on and off mostly on for the better part of 30 years now, tries to cut me down with words all the time.. I just let most of it slide off my back. I take a lot from these people and they have only see me really explode about 4 or 5 times.(usually then they are nice to me for a short period after that). then it just builds to the next time! I hope your situation works out. Maybe some kind of couples therapy? otherwise.. I think you have the right idea. Separating yourself from a toxic relationship is wise.
@JudyEv (121012)
• Bunbury, Australia
18 May 17
I"m sorry your life has reached such a low point. I do hope you will be able to find some peace at some stage.
1 person likes this
@cpefley (1537)
• Hemet, California
18 May 17
Thank you! I hope so too. "It can't rain all the time" right? lol It helps to vent here.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (121012)
• Bunbury, Australia
18 May 17
@cpefley This is a great site for unloading a few tensions without piling it on family and friends. Probably one of its greatest virtues.
18 May 17
Here in mylot you are welcome to pour out your emotions. I do not know what more to say but just stay strong. What ever your decision is stay strong.
1 person likes this
@cpefley (1537)
• Hemet, California
18 May 17
Thank you so much! That is what I do here. I used to be very active here, but I got so depressed. I should have just kept writing lol.
@spaceseed (2893)
• India
23 May 17
my wife also say that sometimes..............but inside she knows I love her and I know she love me...........
@hereandthere (29627)
• Philippines
19 May 17
i'm sorry to hear this. how old are your other kids? what chores can they help you with?
@allknowing (63049)
• India
19 May 17
Did your husband know about your ailment? How is he handling your ailment?
@Courtlynn (64245)
• United States
18 May 17
My advice.. if you have to write that you're thinking about divorce.. you should get it. Set an example for your little girl that she should never be with a man that doesn't support her or treat her well especially when she is sick. And I'm sorry you aren't well and that you don't have the support you should. Hope things get better for you.
@prashu228 (25820)
• India
18 May 17
If you are not happy , and he is treating you like this, better to leave him , but see that you are safe and earn well for your future
• United States
18 May 17
I wish you much luck in all that you decide to do. Don't waste your life on someone you are unhappy with. It does not pay off.
@ridingbet (49602)
• Philippines
18 May 17
i feel you. i am separated from the father of my son, because this man was a jealous guy, jealous even to his son.
@dodo19 (32543)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
18 May 17
I'm really sorry to hear that you find yourself in this situation. He doesn't sound like the best person to be around. Maybe a separation period is what you need. Either way, I just hope that you get some kind of peace.
@boiboing (12198)
• Northampton, England
18 May 17
Maybe time for a trial separation to see if that brings him to his senses. But don't try it unless you're willing to lose him completely.
@shebish (791)
• Egypt
18 May 17
I am so sorry for you, having a young baby is hard enough on it`s own ,being sick and having little support makes it even harder, I hope you have someone in your real life that is there to listen to you, if not please do not think you are boring us, even cyber friends can be a comfort I divorced my first husband twelve years ago and it was the most stressful time of my life, so please ,make sure you ask for all the advice and help you can get hold of.I truly wish you all the best and hope things improve for you soon, stay strong