Life moves forward

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Life moves forward no matter how difficult it seems. Despite everything going on with my brother, I am still living life to the best of my ability. Just because things are difficult doesn't mean life stops. When you look around at people you have no clue what all is going on in their life. You might think they have it together and that you'd love to be one of them right now but there's no way of knowing that they aren't going through just as much if not more than you. Sometimes life is harder for some than you will ever know. We all react differently to things. I often act like nothing is wrong. Most people don't realize how much stuff eats up at me. I am not big with showing emotion and I keep my thoughts inside until I have the chance to unleash them on here. I don't particularly care to talk in person so places like this are my outlet. People judge me and think they know me when in reality I am going through a lot more than any of them could even imagine. Some things will haunt me my entire life. I feel guilty over things I did years ago because I don't like who I was or what I've done and they eat at me. I have mostly moved forward and I guess sometimes I just want to make sure I don't go back to being that person. I mentioned a song in an earlier post and I put it on my playlist and I'm currently listening to it, I said it was called Trouble by Avicii and one of the other lyrics is "I may not be perfect but I'm loving this life" I have just found a lot to relate to in this song. I have relistened to it a few times because it helps keep my spirits up. It reminds me that I'm not perfect but there's still a lot to live for and that I have a long way to go to better myself but I've still come a long way from where I was. I think most people could probably relate to it. My brother may be alive or he might be dead, I can't do anything about that all I can do is keep moving forward. I am worried and I'm sad but at the end of the day I have zero control over his actions and while I know that I often struggle with just letting it all go I know that right now there's nothing I can do. If he's dead I'll mourn and try to move on the best way I can and if he's not I'll rejoice and try my best to make sure he knows he's not alone in his struggle. Life moves forward and if you're so busy looking at what others have you're going to miss out on all that you do have. We all cry and complain about what we don't have instead of realizing what we do have. If you have a roof over your head, food in your belly, and clothes on your back you already have more than some. Life sucks sometimes and we get thrown around and we fall and we get back up and we want to cry and scream but the reality is we still have it better than some. Those that have the most to cry about often are some of the most grateful people because every good thing to them no matter how small is a victory. The answer isn't in what we physically have but in our attitude towards life. It can be difficult when you have anxiety and depression but when you have a good outlook on life you'll get through things a lot better than if you stay negative. I get how difficult it is and I'm struggling with it and while I'm worried and scared I know whatever the outcome I'll get through it. Not without sadness and possibly some depression but I've survived 30 years and I plan to keep on surviving and getting through things no matter how difficult. I refuse to give up fighting. Life moves forward and so will I.