A Nightmare Scenario
July 7, 2017 2:30am CST
OK I'll admit it up front. This post is little more than a crude, transparent and shameless attempt to shoe-horn in another video from the marvelous John Shuttleworth. But, as most of you are probably already aware, I have no shame! So we're on holiday in North Devon and the first morning I wake up in our holiday cottage I fancy a bit of toast. I open the fridge to get out the margarine and, horror of horrors, we didn't bring any. Now I must point out here that in days gone by I wouldn't have touched margarine with the proverbial 10 foot barge pole. It was butter or nowt! However, things have changed and, in our relentless march towards veganism marred only by my insatiable appetite for cheese, Mrs WorDazza and I have switched to a dairy-free margarine. Faced with the prospect of dry toast I headed off to the local shop. Bear in mind this is rural North Devon. I was prepared for the fact that I had as much chance of finding vegan margarine in the local shop as brain surgeons have of finding something between Donald Trump's ears. And I wasn't disappointed. Shortly after entering the shop I began to wonder if I had suddenly acquired a serious brain disorder which made me think I had said one thing but my mouth had uttered something completely different. "Do you have any vegan margarine?" was what I thought I said. "I have a donkey outside, do you mind if I bring it into your shop and have sex with it in the fruit and veg section?" was what I must have said, judging by the shopkeepers reaction. Either that or he thought vegans were a religious cult or something which, if encountered by James T. Kirk and his crew, would have them setting their phasers to 'kill'. Anyhow, long story short. No vegan margarine so had to settle for something else. What was left of the newly purchased margarine returned home with us and is now sat in the fridge next to our usual vegan margarine. But, of course, every time I open the fridge I am now faced with the age old dilemma described for us by Mr. Shuttleworth in the attached link. (I got there in the end!!)
12 people like this
• Manchester, England
@sabtraversa I'm not 100% sure about the origins of margarine but I didn't think it was invented as a vegetable alternative to butter, I thought it was essentially butter with vegetable oil added to make it spreadable straight from the fridge.
• United States
I love how you write. You should be a comedian. Hey! Some of my ancestry comes from Devon. Awesome. Cheese is awesome and I like butter, too -- though I stick with margarine for calorie reasons. Most of the time. Anyway -- maybe you could use up the non-vegan margarine in cooking?