A Nightmare Scenario

@WorDazza (10089)
Manchester, England
July 7, 2017 2:30am CST
OK I'll admit it up front. This post is little more than a crude, transparent and shameless attempt to shoe-horn in another video from the marvelous John Shuttleworth. But, as most of you are probably already aware, I have no shame! So we're on holiday in North Devon and the first morning I wake up in our holiday cottage I fancy a bit of toast. I open the fridge to get out the margarine and, horror of horrors, we didn't bring any. Now I must point out here that in days gone by I wouldn't have touched margarine with the proverbial 10 foot barge pole. It was butter or nowt! However, things have changed and, in our relentless march towards veganism marred only by my insatiable appetite for cheese, Mrs WorDazza and I have switched to a dairy-free margarine. Faced with the prospect of dry toast I headed off to the local shop. Bear in mind this is rural North Devon. I was prepared for the fact that I had as much chance of finding vegan margarine in the local shop as brain surgeons have of finding something between Donald Trump's ears. And I wasn't disappointed. Shortly after entering the shop I began to wonder if I had suddenly acquired a serious brain disorder which made me think I had said one thing but my mouth had uttered something completely different. "Do you have any vegan margarine?" was what I thought I said. "I have a donkey outside, do you mind if I bring it into your shop and have sex with it in the fruit and veg section?" was what I must have said, judging by the shopkeepers reaction. Either that or he thought vegans were a religious cult or something which, if encountered by James T. Kirk and his crew, would have them setting their phasers to 'kill'. Anyhow, long story short. No vegan margarine so had to settle for something else. What was left of the newly purchased margarine returned home with us and is now sat in the fridge next to our usual vegan margarine. But, of course, every time I open the fridge I am now faced with the age old dilemma described for us by Mr. Shuttleworth in the attached link. (I got there in the end!!)
An all time classic. Mr Shuttleworth sings 'Margarines' on the Mark Radcliffe show. Brilliant!!
12 people like this
10 responses
@bluesa (15196)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
7 Jul 17
@WorDazza , oh what a pickle! Yes, which for a scone! Now I am going to have that tune in my head all day, ta.
3 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
7 Jul 17
And so you should. It's a classic!
2 people like this
@bluesa (15196)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
7 Jul 17
@WorDazza oh indeed
2 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
7 Jul 17
@bluesa I'm quite surprised that sort of humour travels. It's very British!
2 people like this
• United States
7 Jul 17
The wit of you! Himself you are I can only imagine going into the little shop there..I know what you mean..they may have a tin of beans and a Mars Bar but not much else lol
3 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
7 Jul 17
Too right. You have no idea how fed up I was of mars bar and beans on toast by the end of that week. Chicolate and tomato sauce! Not the best combo!
2 people like this
• United States
7 Jul 17
1 person likes this
@sabtraversa (13331)
• Italy
7 Jul 17
at the similitudes. I didn't know margarine could also not be vegan, therefore it may contain milk or other animal products.
2 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
7 Jul 17
Most margarines have some buttermilk in them. Certainly the ones I've bought in the past have.
2 people like this
@sabtraversa (13331)
• Italy
7 Jul 17
@WorDazza I see, it's kind of strange... why creating a vegetal alternative to butter if it still contains animal products? Call it "hybridine" if it contains both.
2 people like this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
7 Jul 17
@sabtraversa I'm not 100% sure about the origins of margarine but I didn't think it was invented as a vegetable alternative to butter, I thought it was essentially butter with vegetable oil added to make it spreadable straight from the fridge.
2 people like this
• Preston, England
8 Jul 17
@WorDazza I can't hear the Beatles Yellow Submarine as other than We all live in a tub of margarine
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
8 Jul 17
And thanks to you, neither can I now.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
8 Jul 17
@WorDazza ha! My work here i done!
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
8 Jul 17
@arthurchappell You're an evil man
1 person likes this
@DianneN (87445)
• United States
10 Jul 17
Very peculiar dilemma you have! Lol! I've never heard of Mr. Shuttleworth until now, but am working on getting that tune out of my mind!
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
10 Jul 17
My life is one long series of dilemmas. No surprise really when I can turn a simple trip to the shops into a moral minefield.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (87445)
• United States
10 Jul 17
@WorDazza Let that be the least of your problems.
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
10 Jul 17
@DianneN Fortunately, at the minute it is. And usually, when it's not I tend to treat the bigger dilemmas with the same irreverant sense of humour.
@jaboUK (55201)
• United Kingdom
10 Jul 17
I'd not heard of John Shuttleworth before, he's very entertaining - and so are you
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
10 Jul 17
Thank you. Although you did fail to point out the obvious. That I'm better looking than him. But, saying as it's you, I'll forgive you
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (55201)
• United Kingdom
10 Jul 17
@WorDazza There ya go - making me laugh again
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
10 Jul 17
@jaboUK I'm obviously a rare talent possesed, as I am, with the ability to make people laugh even when I'm being serious.
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (71060)
• Roseburg, Oregon
11 Jul 17
At least you got what you wanted from the store. I will go listen to the video now.
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
11 Jul 17
I must warn you, it's very catchy!! You'll be humming the tune all day!
@FayeHazel (21245)
• United States
10 Jul 17
I love how you write. You should be a comedian. Hey! Some of my ancestry comes from Devon. Awesome. Cheese is awesome and I like butter, too -- though I stick with margarine for calorie reasons. Most of the time. Anyway -- maybe you could use up the non-vegan margarine in cooking?
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
10 Jul 17
Thank you very much. Which part of Devon are your ancestors from? We can probably call you an honorary Brit. The non-vegan margsrine is now in the bin because nobody was using it.
@Tracy04 (10815)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 17
Interesting post.
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
9 Jul 17
Thank you.
@topffer (36346)
• Djibouti, Djibouti
7 Jul 17
I buy mostly organic food, but I am still at the "butter or nothing" level. I use mostly oil to cook and I think that if I was becoming vegan I would prefer to prepare my toasts like Italians and Spanish with olive oil than with margarine.
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (10089)
• Manchester, England
8 Jul 17
I've started putting organic peanut butter on my toast. Delicious.